The Crazies

Hola all, This has been a really bad couple of weeks for me. I'm not sure why, it's all emotional. Either I am crying or yelling or frustrated or morose. I SHOULD be happy. All signs in my life point to HAPPY. I've been treated for depression before, and this does not feel the same, because I don't want to just lay in bed and hide. I want and am doing things. I love getting outside and walking and doing that this week has been a out because of work issues. I carved out time for a walk on the beach today, and no one is keeping that from me, I NEED IT! But back to the crazies - are any of you feeling like this? I can't put my finger on it and I can see some really wacky behavior happening. Part of it was touching base with my first love from 33 years ago (ages 13 and 14 - puppy love at best). Finding each other made me feel really old and like I've wasted so much life being obese. It makes me sad and cry just typing this. I get happy for you all and I know I should be happy - why am I feeling like this? Is it the hormones releasing? Is it regret? I can't afford therapy right now because of work cut backs, but do I need meds again - help!! Am I alone or does anyone feel crazy right now? Inky

Awwwwww Inky!! (((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))) I wish you didn't feel this way sweetie!!! I was GONNA ask if you were pregnant but that's probably not in the cars huh since you're about what............46 or 47 ish??? But stranger things have happened I guess. Have you gone through "the change"? It could be some hormonal changes. Have you checked with your doctor?? After I had my 1st baby, I had post partum depression........I cried over EVERYTHING..........sad commercials..........the Price is Right......EVERYTHING!!! My doc said it was my hormones out of whack and put me on Prozac for 6 weeks. I was a new person after that and was able to go off the meds. Now I STILL cry over the Price is Right........just not the Maxwell House commercials anymore!! lol I hope you get to feeling better! Allie

thanks for the hug Allie - it feels good just knowing someone is hugging, however virtual it is. No, not pregnant, and not gone through the menopause yet. My period was every 28 days prior to surgery, now it's every 21 days for the last 4 months, like clockwork. I guess I do need to see my PCP, because this is just not feeling good and the logical bits of my brain understand that, but the emotional bits are kicking my ass right now. I'll call them, you are right. And I am going to try to call you today if I can sneak off (it's easier to sneak typing because no one looks at the screen!!) Inky

Yeah I'm all for hugs of any kind. Right now the #1 hug I want is from hubby and my kids!!!!!!! Please go see the doctor!! I'm concerned about you. And yes, I would LOVE getting a call from my Inky!! If you can that is! Allie

I have been there but I am on lexapro which for me it is not so much depression as it is rage. I just can snap alot without lexapro. My dr asked me yesterday wht are you depressed? I told him I am not I am the happiestI have been ever!! I just have a short fuse. It keeps me level! I hope you find some medication or meditation or something to help you out. You should be dancing naked all day keep us posted and know we are just a screen away;)

Oh girl, I've been out of my mind off and on through this whole WLS journey! Some days I don't even know who I am, crying for no reason, then laughing the next minute. I'm pretty sure it's hormonal-all those fat cells are releasing the stored estrogen as they melt, and the consequence is to make us absolutely nuts. A huge issue for me is also no longer being able to numb my feelings with food; for so many years I stuffed away bad feelings with food, and that's no longer an option. It's so hard to just sit through feelings and deal with them! I'm also with you on the regret thing-this weight loss makes me realize how much time I wasted feeling too fat, even when I was much thinner than I am now. And Inky, as far as "wasting" your life being fat, I'm sure you know in your heart that that's not true-it sounds like you've lived life to the fullest, celebrating yourself, taking risks, and being fulfilled personally and professionally! No matter how overweight you were, you were always a vibrant, wonderful person, so don't be hatin' on your past self! My therapist had me do some corny exercises that were actually quite helpful. First, I wrote a letter to food, addressing my feelings toward it, then I wrote a letter to my fat! It was amazing how many conflicting emotions came out. For example, while fat inhibited and limited me, it also protected me and kept me warm. It sure feels good to say goodbye to it, though! Hang in there and know that you're not alone-so many of us are going through the same stuff, and thank goodness we have each other to vent to! Now go do something wonderful for yourself today-you deserve it!

Schmeesa, you took the words right out of my mouth (but wrote them more beautifully than I ever could). Inky, I just think we are on a journey where we have to discover who were really are. I also numbed myself out for so many years with food that it has been interesting these last few months. I also got very snappy for a while-pity my poor husband. I figured it was due to the fat release-I sure had built up a lot of toxins in there as well as the hormones. You know what you need to feel better. You are just going to have to figure out time to get out and walk or whatever to help you release your emotions, etc. When I had a bad fit or rage coming on-taking even 15 minutes and diverting it with a stroll made life a lot better. Hang in there!

Hey I am on the same up down rollar coaster of emotions.. I really think this is a emotional change and effect on our bodies I mean come on how did we deal with our emotions IN THE PAST ? WE ATE !!! But we have to deal with them head on .. and food is not our comfort anymore I sometimes think of comfort foods to make me feel better u know holidays r comming .. the smell of cinnammon rolls or etc... I bought some candels the smell like food seems to help the food craving LOL one was peach cobbler mmmmmmmmmmmm yummy smell threw my house LOL.. But today is a real sad day I been nursing a runt of litter rag dolls kittens around the clock tube feeding it and it died this morning .. I tried but was to weak to make it was only 9 days old .. been crying like a little girl ...all I could think when I was feeding the little one ,,Wish u could get some of my weight ,,, failure to thrive cause of death .. for me thrived to much on food .... talk about feeling guility .. My head is is a fog And get this I am on a stall ugh .. ok I am rambling like a idiot But just know INKY you are not alone Be well All Lisa

Girlfriend, I am riding the crazy express too. Don't feel bad. I got on the expressway last night and saw it was backed up so I beat the **** out of my steering wheel. I am CERTAIN I looked like a giant freak. And actually, traffic isn't that upsetting to me so I am sure that something else was setting me off. It's all that estrogen we've had stored on us for so long. Now its getting released and WATCH OUT!!! I am considering getting one of those heavy punching bags for my basement. Beating the crap out of my steering wheel actually felt good. I'm sorry you can't do therapy right now. I can't either. I went and saw a psych at my surgeons office about some of the stuff I've been going through and she said she could only help me if I committed to 1x per week therapy. There is no way I have that kind of time with work and school. Plus I have a 50% co-pay on mental health services. I guess we'll all have to be crazy together.

I just wanted to point out, you actually probably looked like a SKINNY freak! LOL