Backward Compliments??

I have lost quite a bit of weight (about 65 lbs) and just about as many inches. I know that I look better and am very grateful for everything the surgery has helped me do. Friday was my birthday and we had a large get together with a bunch of friends. I took myself thift store shopping that afternoon and was able to purchase a really cute outfit that was in a size 14!! A friend of mine gave me a big hug and said "you look great, but your getting too skinny, you have to stop losing weight now!" She continued to say the same thing to me every time she saw me during the evening, around 5 time total I think. The first time she said it I just replied, "no, not yet." and let it go at that. After the 3rd time I was starting to get a little irritated. I know that I look much better than I did but I also know that I am still 185lbs and I certainly don't look too skinny, or that I should stop losing at this point. I have also had friends say I look great but if I get skinnier than them they will have to kick my ass! It is said in fun but I never know what to say to this. I guess I just needed to vent a little. Any suggestions what I say to these comments? They don't really make me feel bad but they do embarrass me and I don't know what to say. Thanks for "listening". Jen

Ahh yes, the backhanded compliments. Let's face it. People are baffled by our rapid transformations. Sometimes, even our friends say insensitive and cruel things. Do they mean them? Are they jealous? Are we just being too sensitive? All questions we need to ask ourselves when confronted with these situations. Usually, when I'm complimented, I try to be as gracious (and humble) as possible. A simple smile and "thank-you" is generally sufficient. When asked what I'm doing? I reply, "eating less and exercising more" If they ask if I've had WLS, I say "yes, best thing I've ever done for myself" I try to be upfront and honest- but I don't let them belittle me for having the surgery or the progress I've made. It's my journey. With my goals and aspirations. No-one is talking me down. I have had to resort to sarcasm to fend off some more of the obnoxious comments. I told one guy at work that " I'm fortunate they've found a medical solution for obesity. Don't give up hope. someday they might find a cure for Asshole" Regrettably, I told a busy-body at the store I was undergoing chemotherapy. It shut her up. Mission accomplished. Bottomline. Enjoy your success. Don't let those around you rain on your parade. It's your journey. Take ownership, and make it take you where YOU want to go. DD

DD you are too f*%kin funny!! I 'm dying over here.

I get them constantly too and we are at about the same weight. I am 182 at 5'6.5" and I keep hearing that I am getting to skinny etc. I just tell them well I'm getting there but have about 30 more lbs to get before I am happy. I have had people tell me that I will be to skinny and I just remind them that that is what I weighed in High School and I wasn't to skinny then and I won't be now.

I'd just answer "yes mother" and leave it at that. My mother has been telling me for weeks I've lost too much, she's insane, I'm 225lbs!!! My attitude is WHATEVER people!

Ooh, I can't WAIT to be told I'm too skinny-LOL! But seriously, that is annoying. I've noticed that some people feel threatened once they realize that we might end up thinner than they are. It's as if it's OK to lose weight, but not TOO much weight! So many of us have been the "fat friend" for so long, it's as if some friends rely on us to always look bigger or worse than them. I love leaving that role behind! I'm going to go practice some of DD's snappy retorts now...

That would annoy the heck out of me too, but I haven't heard it just yet. I have had one relationship change already, as I am thinner than she is and she just can't handle it. I had a feeling that would happen and well, it is what it is, I tried to be there but those are the feelings she chooses to have and I can only choose what my reaction is to them. So I choose to be friendly and there if she wants to be friends, but I am not reaching out because she is too threatened now. I guess it's to be expected, like Lisa said, we've been the "fat ones" for so long , people aren't going to be sure how to react. i'm worried about how my mother is going to be when I am thinner than she is in about 50 lbs, but I think ultimately she will be happy and perhaps a little motivated herself. if I were presented with a "you're too skinny" comment I would ask, "really, why do you think that?" and then go from there. if they say you look fine, you've lost "so much" you can choose to explain further or say, "thank you for your opinion," and move on in the conversation. some follks will just never get it. Inky

When people say, "you are getting too skinny," I just say, "I know. I can't make it stop. I eat and eat and eat, and I just keep losing." I've always wanted to say that, like some people are able to do, so I just do it. I mean, we know it's totally not true, but those people are out there, and i always wished i had that problem, knowing i never would, but what are they going to say to that? they usually are like, "really? what if you get too skinny?" and i say, "it will be about time."