Effect of Wt loss on other family members???

I need some A-team words of wisdom... My whole family (DH, 2 boys (14 and 11) and me) were overweight. Last year DH and oldest son (OS) joined W****chers and have now made Lifetime members after 1 year. DH has lost 85 lbs and OS has lost 45 lbs. I'm very proud of both of them. I had WLS and have lost 83 lbs. since Jan 07. The youngest son (YS) joined WW with DH and OS in the spring and is constantly struggling...he's only lost a max of 8 lbs, but goes up and down and is now hanging around 5 lbs lost. I didn't realize the impact our wt loss has had on YS until last night when he had an extreme meltdown. He was so upset that everyone else has lost weight and he can't loose any and now he's the only fat one in the family. We had school registration last Thursday and everyone was marveling over OS and me; but YS felt very left out. I felt SOOOOO bad for him last night. DH is upset over YS lack of committement and lack of good choices and portion control and lack of exercising...so he's frustrated and feels like he's wasting $ every week by YS going to WW. I'm getting tired of refereeing between the 2 of them. I think DH is too hard and I think YS isn't trying as much as he can. YS is starting to lie about his food and exercising and I've started to find 'stashes' of food in his room...which he never use to do. So I'm thinking...LET'S STOP THE INSANITY. I'm trying to decide whether or not to pull YS from WW. But, then how much would he have gained if he wasn't on the program or how much will he gain if he goes off of it??? More importantly, how can I help him improve his on self-imagine of himself? He's self esteem is so low that it breaks my heart. We talked for a long time last night and I think what we'll do is have him skip WW this week and evaulate how it goes since school starts back this week. I'm hoping with school starting back that he won't be at home and eating out of boredom and he'll be more active during the day too. However, he's starting middle school this year and you know how cruel and mean kids can be to each other...the name calling is riduculous. He has already lost one of his so called friends this summer from 4H camp. The so-called friend wouldn't play with him and called him a fat-a$$...which really hurt his feelings. I can only imagine how middle school will go for him. On the bright side, he does have such a wonderful personality and makes friends really quickly so I'm sure he'll do just great. I just hate the fact that he'll have to go thru the same process that I did at middle school and I can't protect him from it!!!! Sorry to ramble, but any advise would be appreciated. How are you handling your wt loss impact on your other family members?

Tammy, Your son's are both very attractive young men, and I have a feeling that the ladies will help w/ their self-esteem, as they start to enter middle and high school! Have you considered speaking to the school sport coaches about your son's self-esteem? They may have different thoughts on where they could use him for different positions/events w/in an organized sports team. I know for me in middle school I had the same problem and it wasn't until the track coach came up to me my freshman year of HS and asked me to try out for the shot put that I realized that there was value in my size. Although it won't necessarily help your son lose the weight, it may give him some sense of comraderie and self-esteem. Maybe he will need that before he can drop the pounds. It will get him a little more active and he may actually enjoy it. Whatever is making him stash food has got to stop. That is such an unhealthy relationship to have w/ food. Make a deal w/ your husband to let you do it your way for 6 months and to lay off of YS and stop being so disappointed. Everyone is different, and he's, what - 12 years old? I mean, really, the psyche is fragile and he doesn't need his two heroes (dad and bro) being that tough on him. I would say though, to be careful that he doesn't feel you are giving up on him if you get him out of WW. Maybe talk to him about the hundreds of times you tried to lose weight, or better yet, tell him his dad wasn't successful the first time either and that he should just try again when he's ready. Meanwhile, talk to him about protein and carbs, and what each can do the the body composition. Most young men love steak, chicken, etc. and it might just be that he needs to understand that the proteins are always better so eat as much of those as you can first, then the carbs/dessert. sorry so long. Just a few thoughts. Shana

Shana - thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it and liked the way you mentioned "not to make him feel like I'm giving up on him" if we decide WW is not for him anymore. I'll definitely keep that in mind...along with trying to get him more involved in school sports.

I am with u on this problem .. I have a over weight family as well and my oldest son who is high functioning autistic is not getting it he is almost 300 lbs and chucked the weight weigh****chers idea and even the diet pill the doc RX him.. He refuses to lose weight.. and he has his melt downs also on the subject.. but he did decided to eat the lean cusine food for lunch but i know deep down in my heart he will give this up .. but i hope I am soooooooo wrong.. I have to remember I had wls he did not.. and I was failing like him ok back to your concern for your YS .. I think the best way to approach your YS weight loss is to help he not gain anymore weight and let him grow into weight as he grows taller U need to explain to him children loser differently because they r still growing and suppose to gain as they grow and losing 5 lbs is really doing well for a 11 year old and he should not compare him self with the rest of u older people because u guys r NOT getting taller He is .. He needs that explained that to him .. 5 lbs is alot for a young child like losing 40lbs for adult when u put it into perspective .. and the impact. Also do not buy fatting foods he can eat .. My kids hated this but no more chips donuts 1% milk and no soda and replace with fresh fruits and veggies and I serve them the food .. and I kick them outside to swim or ride their bike .instead of video and tv watching. and if they really act up I make them run instead of sending them to their room .. all about being active. I know how hard it really Impacts the family when it comes to weight loss right now it is tearing my marriage apart with me and my hubby he has lost all his weight and his ego is bigger than life .. His weight came off sooooooooo fast and mine did not and he says I could do better but he does not understand I am a lap bander not a RNY.. he forgets he had the added malabsortion added in to the tiny pouch of his . even with the doc told him she will lose slower and speed up later as the band gets tighter and in 2 years I will be at goal not one year .. the doc said bottom line in 5 years a RNY and lap bander will be the same weight loss goal The impact is great and I am scared my marriage will not survie this adjustment .. but I have to say in past few weeks it has gotten better lisa

Lisa - thanks for reminding me about the wt loss ratio...5 lbs to kids is like 40 lbs to us. You're so right!!!! On a side note: I'm sorry to hear you're having struggles as well. Best of luck with resolving your issues with your husband and I pray for your continued success...it sounds like you're well on your way! Keep it up.

Tammy, Hi honey! I FEEL YOUR PAIN! I have a daughter about the same age and she is also going carzy over how I have lost weight and she JUST CAN'T seem to lose any weight! We have changed the way we eat 100% in the house and we watch everything she eats! she exersizes and is very active! With that said I belive alot of it has to do with their age and the fact that their body is already going under so much change at this point going from child to teen! It is very hard on them and the added pressure we add on to that could only be making it more of an issue! I have decited to let her go with out putting the extra push and just keep her under my watchful eye and I know that when her body is done doing the change that we will see the reward! Just like those of us that are hitting the 40 mark in age we are doing the same thing! I know boys are different then girls but there are alot of the same hormone (sp) changes going on! If I was in your shoes I would think about pulling him from the WW program and just give him time to let it pass and keep you eye on him! Good luck I know you will do what is best for him by your pic of you and your family you all are tight and that is going to be the bigest point you will have on your side. Hope you have a great rest to your weekend! BIG HUG!!!

Wow Tammy, I feel for you and YS. Dont stop taking him to WW. You dont want him to think your giving up on him or teach him when times get too hard to just quit. I know it cost a lot of $$ but in the long run, it will help him. Probably the feeling left out, DH riding him on the $$ hes wasting, I'm sure theres some competition between OS and YS. If not out in the open on the inside, that would make him feel down and out. And as we all know food has always been our comfort foods hence the reason we are all here. He has fallen into that same habit. Keep him in WW, and if you can, after dinner everynight take a family walk. Like the others said, kids lose way different then adults do. Stop buying anything that is not good for him. Heck, it could just be the embarrassment of being overweight that is making him stash food in his room. Hes at such the age that is so hard in school. Like you said, kids are sooo very curel. My kids are only 3.5 and 1.5 and I worry that they will go though the same thing I did. I already have my 3.5 yr old telling ppl that juice has too much sugar in it. Milk and water are better. Once I decided to have surgery, juice, soda and any junk food is banned from my house. Try to get DH to back off and see if he can be more supportive to YS. I'm sure he means well, but sometimes Dads come across mean when they are trying to show their feelings. Remind your husband all the troubles that YS will probably go though and not even tell you about half of it. Kids now-a-days seem so rude about eachother. Try to have more "sit downs" with YS and tell him to act as if hes starting from fresh. Go back to the basics. Tammy I wish you all the luck with this. I know its hard, when it comes to your own kids we all want to protect them from everything and its hard to know that hes even lost a friend over him being overweight. The one good thing about it all....is that he was able to have his meltdown with you and not by himself with his stash. I hope this helps. Tricia

I think the WW and its effect on his relationship with his Dad is not healthy. We have food issues to begin with and hiding food and having the guilt are not going to help. It can really casue the wheels to come off. Pressure is another trigger for many of us. Eating healthy at home and being more active wil help. Also, I have been through 4 boys already and his body is shortly going to go through some major changes. Once the hormone**** they can shoot up and no longer have problems. He has to be ready for this. He just isn't yet. Be there for him and let him know he is not alone. Good Luck.

OK I really have no advice here because I'm the only "fat" one in my family. I just wanted to say I don't envy your position at all!!! All of my children are thin and hope to God it stays that way because I don't know how I'd deal with your situation. We've just kept junk food from them and control their portions so we don't have to deal with them getting big. I know my heart would break for them if that ever happened!! One thing that you might like to do is just keep YS involved as much as possible. Really praise EVERY effort he makes and maybe that will be incentive for him to keep at it! Good luck with this........I know it's got to be hard! Allie

Tammy, My heart goes out to you and your family. I think ys may still be a little too imature to handle the stress and responsibility that goes with weight loss. I would probably let him decide about ww and try and guide him with his food choices. I think that the fact that he is back in school and not able to eat out of boredom will help with his weightloss. I hope things work out with your ys. Roz PS Your pics look simply great!