Freaking out.... need any advise...

My surgery is set for Monday and of course I'm experiencing the obvious nervousness etc. but working through that ok. My problem is that I'm really worried about the recovery. I have 3 kids.... an 8 yr old, 5 yr old and a baby who is 8.5 months old. When I was going through all the pre-op hoops I had many many friends and family members who said they would be able to help afterwards....now of course, everyone is backing out on me. *cries* I've got the first week covered now that my dear husband has decided to take the whole week off work (which I suppose we will deal w/ the finanical side of that later....) but for weeks 2-6 I have no idea what I'm going to do... The first issue is that when DJ (my husband) goes back to work they want to put him on 3rd shift (midnight-7 a.m.) He works at a steel mill and doesn't have much control over where he is stationed b/c of a job promotion he just got. He has to learn all the machines in his area and they have been moving him around in order to get that accomplished. If he is on nights, I will need someone to spend the night w/ me and help during the day until he wakes up. Mostly for the baby. I am not allowed to lift him for 6 weeks! During the day if one of my daughters are here they can lift him for me and help. But I will need help when Abby is in preschool and I'm here alone. My mom said she'd help as much as she could,b ut she's a teacher and can't spend the night. AHHHh!!!! I know I'm rambling here, but I'm really freaking out. Have I made a mistake trying to do this for me? Am I being selfish? Am I putting myself before the needs of my kids? I was crying and crying tonight b/c I'm afraid I'm being a bad mommy b/c I dont' know who is going to help me w/ the kids after surgery. I really don't want to risk my health though either, and I'm afraid that I'm going to get stuck here alone w/ the baby and no one to help.... Did I make a mistake by trying to do this right now????? My husband says no and that I should just go ahead and that we'll make it work. I am afraid that I'm becoming a burden on everyone already and the surgery hasn't even happened yet. Any advise? Anyone else with small children??

You are not just "doing this for you". This is to give your kids and your hubby the gift of a strong, healthy Mom and Wife. Do you belong to a church, or civic organization? They could be a good resource for helpers. And don't be afraid to hold those who promised their help to their word. If they truly are your friends, they will show up in your time of need.

I have a 10 month old and a 4 and 2 year old and I am running into the same issues. My hubby will come home two days after my surgery and leave 3 days later my grandmother lives with me and she will be out of town at the time. My mom said she would help me but is not sure if she can keep my kids until my hubby comes home. I have a friend that says she will help out but I already know she is not very reliable so we will see. So as of right now 6 days after surgery i am going to be on my own. I am going to try and pull a magic act and see if I can pull a rabbit out of my hat Leah

Wow, I am so glad I only have a 17 year old that will be able to help out. Have you tried the forums for your state to see if there is anyone that has ahd the surgery and understands near you. They might have some resources. Local churches are a good idea. One that might or might not work is home care. Technically it is only for you (help with bathing, dressing etc. If you need hands on assistance and in conjunction nursing care (for your surgery) you might be able to get someone for an hour or so, to at least "help you dress" fix a easy meal (scramble some eggs for the kids, heat up some soup/make a sandwich) It's not nearly enough but could help maybe? If deemed necessary and approved, the insurance will pay for it.

I wish there were some words of advice to make all your problems go away, but there aren't. I believe that you are making the right decision to have the surgery. This is for you, but your family will benefit from it as well. Talk with your family and friends and maybe they have a realtive that can help out. I had surgery on 4/2/07, LAP RNY. I can tell you that I am physically capable of taking care of myself and my 2 yr old, with the exception that I can't lift him. Lucky for me he does a lot of climbing and doesn't require much lifting. Being that you have an infant at home, i can see there is a greater need to have someone there almost all the time. My husband works evenings too. He unfortunately has to pass on some sleep this week and get up during the day to help with our son. When he goes to work i have a family member or friend come over until my son goes to bed. Then it's just me and my son until my husband gets home again. If you are willing to the same that you are asking others to do for you, then do not feel like a burden. You really are not asking a whole lot of anyone. Besides, everyone loves being around babies. Just keep nagging people and hopefully they will eventually find the kindness in their heart to help you in your time of need. Good luck and take care, Michelle