*sings* 28 bottles of Dr. Pepper on the wall...

28 bottles of Dr, Pepper... take one down.... pass is around.. 27 bottles of dr. pepper on the wall! Ok.. I'm counting down till surgery.. (27 days) and I'm loosing all control of my eating! Help!! I was able to get 30lbs off last year and have spent the entire year keeping it off. But when I got my surgery date I just lost all control. Has anyone else done this? Does this mean I'm not a good candidate after all? I know the difference between head hunger and real hunger. But right now I'm eating even when I'm full.. and I don't care. The last few weeks my stomach has hurt from being so stupid and over eating. Cookies... diet soda ( I like it better then regular.. and I think it's just as bad for you) fast food.. seconds and thirds on everything. I haven't done this in a long time... and I can't seem to stop. I know I CAN stop... I haven't lost control.. and yet my motivation isn't there like it used to be. Please don't get me wrong. I don't see this as a magic pill.. or secret passage to the world of being fit and healthy.. I know it's just a TOOL. I want so badly to be on plan. Please don't flame me.. I know what I'm doing is wrong... but I don't know WHY I'm doing it. I weighed myself today and I'm 314 lbs!!! I was 305 at the consult in last February. Dear God.. what have I done???? Please someone tell me they went through this?! I haven't been working out.. I've been sitting on my butt reading pages and pages of info on the surgery. I haven't done this since right before my first child was born!! I do feel like I'm about to have a baby,... only the baby is me. Packing for the hospital.. reading all the books.. buying the supplies. Cooking extra meals.. deep cleaning closets and bathrooms... Goodness I even have baby spoons in with my silverware again! It is all so dejavu. I need to get back on the band wagon of eating healthy... It's just that I'm so afraid of saying goodbye to these so called comforts! I'm thinking about writing out divorce papers.. or a goodbye letter to some of these foods. Has anyone every done that.. or am I just crazy? If you did.. what did it look like? Thanks all.. sorry for sounding so desperate. I just needed to get that all out. -Shakeira

Dont worry Shakeira, I think we all go a little crazy when we know that our eating habits are going to change forever once we got approved for surgery. I "binge" ate for 2 weeks before I had to start my liquid diet. Trying to get everything in that I may never eat again. I have been on my liquid diet 9 days now and I feel much better about my relationship with food. Im here if you need to chat. Cindy

What you are feeling is the guilt....You have allowed yourself to have these foods and then after you ate you feel guilt because you over did it....It is very normal...I think alot of people do it....>Welll you have 27 days now....Get things back under control....Put your self on a more uniformed meal plan and start moving....That extra weight you put on will come off.... WHen you say good bye to foods just say to yourself....THIN TASTES BETTER THAN FOOD>>.......I know it sounds stupid.....but try it.....Also do not wait till you are so hungry you wanna eat the back end out of something......YOU ARE NORMAL>......

I'm starting to think it's normal. I mean the day I got my date and was told I have to start my liquid diet it hit me that it is going to be a LONG time before I get to "eat" again. So as soon as I came home my stomach went into overdrive. I started to want everything I knew I couldnt have after the 20th- cake, wine, fried chicken, korean food...I mean I just went nuts! It was like my head told my stomach what was going on and my stomach said "Oh hell no!" and just wanted everything in the fridge and then some! I start my liquid diet in a few days and have eased up on the daily pigging out, it wasn't worth it at the end of the day and after a while Pepto gets costly lol. If you read one of my blogs, I already dropped out of the Clean Plate Club, I'll repost it here in this forum so you can drop out too and save the lawyer fees on the divorce

Oh darlin ... I can't even tell you how normal that is. For goodness sake, when I was referred over 2 years ago, I binged! BIG TIME! Though when I did get my date finally, the nurses and doctor put the fear of God in me, letting me know that even if I gain 1 pound before surgery ... it will be cancelled. This really has kept me on the right track - but let me tell you ... I have dreamt of all the food that I wish I could eat one last time. *drools* So don't beat yourself up ... we have all done the binge eatting at one point or another. As it was stated on the board - The last meal syndrome. We are all afraid to let go of the one thing that has "helped" us the most ... the comforts of our fav foods. But our comfort has lied to us over and over again. You should feel proud of yourself for recognizing what is going on for you right now, and take strength from it.

I've also had that "gotta get what I can now before I can't have it for a while" syndrome lately. My surgeon actually said in our group consultation that it's normal and most people have their "last supper" and go all crazy. Just don't do it the night before your surgery!! I haven't been going overboard or anything, but if I see something I like, and want, I'll get it. I actually bought Oreo cookies last night!!! I never buy cookies!!! I'm having surgery on the 16th and am REALLY looking forward to it!!! My "last supper" with my girlfriends and local peeps is Thursday, April 12th. OH!! For those of you local in the Sacramento/Roseville area, join us!!! It's going to be at TGIFriday's on Galleria Blvd at 6pm!!!! Let me know if you can join us and I'll have my friend make sure to get enough room. Then my parents are coming up for the weekend on Friday. My mom's birthday is the 15th and she wants to go to Thunder Valley Casino for their super-indulgent buffet So I guess I'll have to go to that too, oh darn Hey, when you get done cleaning your house, can you come over and do mine???? Those divorce papers from food sound great!! I think they are a great idea. Maybe put them on the fridge so you see them every day. Just remember, nothing tastes as good as thin feels!! Do you have any pics of you when you were thinner? Or find a body type somewhere and put your face on it! Maybe put those all over the place so you know your goal is right there in sight and you can make it. I'm a very visual person and that helps. The light at the end of the tunnel is no longer an oncoming train. (((((HUGS))))) Michele

Shakeira I am in the same boat as you. I didnt get my date but I lost control of my eating and gained!!! I need to be 307 by my surgery date which will be at the end of April! I am so freaking out what are we going to do? Amanda

We are going to focus and realize that it's not about what we are going to 'miss out on" but about how much more important we are! It's like putting a jeweled ring in a pigs nose... We are worth way more then how we treat ourselves. Eating junk and abusing my body... I am going to stop it now. Instead of thinking about how much I'm going to miss the food.. "like a battered wife thinks about how she misses her husband" I am separating myself from it .. because I deserve way better then what I have settled for in the past. Hope that all makes sense. Just the thoughts rambling through my head at the moment. -Shakeira

Thanks for you guys so much. I feel much better after getting all that out. Today I noticed that I didn't want to binge as much.. it's like talking about it made it less powerful. Last year I went through a study on food addictions. It's a bible study and it's been really helpful to me. So I opened it back up today and I just have to discipline myself to do it. I know it will help me. Food will never satisfy what I think it needs to satisfy. And I agree.. the sooner I have this addressed before surgery the better! I want to be under 300lbs at surgery. Even if I'm 299 I will be happy. Thanks again! -shakeira