Makes me mad

It just burns me up that so called "friends" think that we have made the choice to be fat, and that if we just change some things in our lifes that it would all go away, just like that. No matter how blue my face gets I cant seem to make one of my friends understand that I cant "just change" my lifestyle. I mean really folks, I have a hard time walking from one room to another, how the heck am I suppose to work out in a gym. Ugh!! I think I need to lose about 100 pounds before I do that. I mean really. Does anyone else have this problem? Jennifer

I have that problem , I have learned to tune that negativity out, I share most things about my weight,wls here on oh.- michele

I understand! Just yesterday, after I got my date, my mom said "Are you sure this is what you need to do? I'm sure if you only ate that many calroies now without surgery you'd lose weight...and exercise wouldn't hurt. I mean you have 50 years left ahead of you and you want to not be able ot eat normal?" I was soooooo mad and if we hadn't been on the highway going 75 I might have walked away. I said "mom, if I could restrict my calories that much then I wouldn't need teh surgery to begin with. Exercise very well could kill me at this point because I'm much mor elikely to have a heart attack or stroke if I tried going jogging at this weight. And no, most likely I don't have 50 years in front of me without the surgery." I too get very irritated about people who are like "just eat less and exercise more" because don't they realize if it were that easy we wouldn't be going in for the surgery to begin with?? When it's a friend or acquaintance I tend to ignore them...but I can't ignore it when my mom says it.

When I first started looking in to this surgery, I had this problem with my significant other, of all people. She is overweight too (extra 50lbs maybe), but it she was thin until she got into her mid-late 30s. She has no idea what it is like to be overweight your entire life. She had never even been on a DIET before I got her to do Atkins with me a couple of years ago. So when she would talk about how I just needed to have some willpower (while telling me to pick up cake, ice cream and cookies at the grocery store) and start exercising, it would make me want to scream! I am 180 pounds overweight...I cant just go out and start walking a mile a day! GAH! Anyway, my doctor was the one who finally got her to realize that this surgery was going to save my life. I understand talking until you are blue in the face, but some people are just never going to "get it". The one person besides my partner who couldnt get it....I finally told "Look, you do not live in my body and you have no idea what I go through every day so please dont presume you know what it will take for me to lose this weight." It may have hurt her feelings or it may have made her mad....I dont know....I just know she stopped harping on me about it. Lisa L.

I have also had the same issue. Because of that, I have chosen to keep my WLS very private...only a select number of people know what I am doing...and even some of those people have disappointed me with their reaction. I talked to my manager after I got approved to let her know that I was going to get the surgery...and she claimed to understand and she asked me if I was sure this was what I wanted to do. I said "Yes...I've tried every diet, every pill, every exercise I can find...and every time I lose weight for a short period of time, but eventually I end up gaining the weight back plus some...and now here I am 'morbidly obese' ". She said she would support my decision (like I needed her to???) and I went back to my desk. Later that day I went to taco bell (because I forgot my lunch and it's the closest to-go place near my job) and got a couple tacos. She came by my desk while I was eating and said in a very sarcastic tone "Uhhh...you've trying 'everything' to lose weight??? Look at how you're eating now - no wonder you haven't lost any weight!" I was SO mad...first of all, she doesn't know enough about me to judge me based on ONE lunch! At that very moment is when I decided to keep my WLS journey to myself. It turns out, my manager was fired a week later, and I had to go through her manager to get my FMLA approved. He didn't ask any questions, except "Are you OK? Should I be worried about you?" I told him not to worry...and he didn't ask any further questions. I was SO proud of him, because I was expecting to have to explain to him what I was having done...then have to listen to his Atkins Diet testimony. Anyhow...to answer your question ...YES...many people around me have disappointed me with their response to my decision.

You are so right that people just don't understand that it's not will power and diets that we need. Heck we are the experts at diets. I bet we've all lost hundreds of pounds over our lifetime but gained it all back plus and that's why we are the way we are. Let their skinny ass try to do a cardio workout hauling a whole other person around on their back and see how they like it. Life a few others have said, I am keeping my surgery very private. Only my husband and kids, two trusted friends and my WLS support group know that I am doing this. I haven't even told my work. They just know that I'm having surgery. I just don't want people to judge me for so called taking the easy way out. Easy my ass - let them have their guts hacked up and not be able to eat like a normal person, watch everything that goes in their mouth, take vitamins and supplements the rest of their lives and tell me that its easy. I'm not doing this because of vanity because I need to loose 10 pounds I'm doing this because I want to live to see my kids get married and to play with some grandkids years down the road. Being able to talk to people on these message boards is a great outlet because you just can't talk to people you know who aren't overweight or going through this cause they just don't understand. Buy yay for us - we have made the decision to change our lives in the best way we know for us. Hopefully we will make life long chances that will make us healthier, happier people. The heck with those that don't understand.

Hi Jennifer, I know what you mean. People say to me, "You don't have any will power" and I say "Hello, no kidding". I mean if we have will power why would we consider WLS. Right? Donna

Fortunately I am surrounded by a fabulous group of supporters. I was also being very private about my surgery, but every time I mentioned it, my friends would get concerned, so I'd tell them, and they have all cheered me on. That is really special. God has blessed me with some fabulous people in my life. My parents are very concerned, but they are more concerned because they are afraid of losing me, and they wish there was some other way. Well the one way that worked, worked when I was college and could spend 2-3 hours a day exercising. But I do not think I could do a whole year of Liquid Diet now, and being a single Mom of 3 young ones, I don't think I can get 3 hours of exercise in a day even if I could do that much... But I do know what you mean because at many different times in my life I have gotten the disgusted, "if you would only practice a little control look", and my Grandma D would be walking with me, on a visit or vacation and see someone fat and say..."I don't how they can stand to be that way." Well she knew what she was saying and who she was really saying it to, and it did not help. She may have been able to leave 3 dozen cookies in the fridge and only eat one a day, but I have never been able to. Best of luck ladies. I hope all your surgeries go well and are the beginning of a new and better life! Blessings, Heidi

I wanted to reply again and mention that there's an article in the current issue of OH Magazine (page 10 if you get it) and the writer, Terry Simpson, mentions (and I'm paraphrasing) that being successful at a diet had nothing to do with willpower. "Having or never having a weight problem isn't an issue of willpower at all - it is an issue of satiety." If you're hungry enough you will have no willpower, that's the case for anyone. In my opinion having this surgery will create that willpower because we will full satisfied after small amounts of food. Also, think about your friends and family who have been on diets and how then end up cheating or giving up. We won't have that ability (or we shouldn't try it anyway) and I think it takes a lot more "willpower" to go into a life change like this knowing that chocolate is a no-no than it takes for them to go on some "sugar free, low fat, low carb don't eat anything but grapefruit and pork rinds diet" for 3 weeks. Think of the satisfaction of calling those people out on their lack of willpower when you see them cheating as you're eating your tiny meal protein first!

I took my mother to my final appointment with the surgeon. She has convinced me to come home with her the first few days to get away from the hectic life of my household (2 boys under age 10 and a HUGE 5 month old puppy over 50 pounds, and a capable husband who can hold down the fort)......do you know what she asked the doc? "Will she ever eat normal again? Can you believe that? The doctor just looked at her and said....I hope not that is what got her here, we don't want her eating "normal" anymore.....(good one doc)....ANYWAY, she is nervous about this. I have gone over it with her over the past couple of years when I tried to get approved and failed miserably......but she never really listened, thinking that it wasn't going to happen. I have been overweight as far back as I can remember....I was the CHUBBY girl...not morbidly obese, but larger than most girls in my class.....then I had my first son.....and that pregnancy I gained 100 pounds....and never lost it. I have tried all kinds of diets, exercise programs and I can be the poster child for YO-YO diets. This is the kicker....I stepped down off of a step stool and SHREDDED the cartillage in my knee. Let me repeat that...... I stepped down off of a low step stool (one step) and with the mere weight of my body......shredded the cartillage in my knee and needed surgery to relieve the pain and remove the little shredded bits.... That didn't convince her. She gave me the speech about....well just go on a liquid diet and you will lose the same amount of weight without the surgery. blah blah blah ignorance is not bliss.....She doesn't get it. or didn't until now March 18th my husband, my two boys, and my mother as well as myself and my 5 month old german shepherd puppy went to a dog show. The puppy was entered and I was the one who showed her. Well, Attempted to show her......I made it around the ring three times before my heart decided to try to climb out of my chest and my lungs tried to turn inside out. I had to stop, I couldn 't breathe, I couldnt keep up with the other handlers......it was the most embarassing moment of my life. My mom was there, and she saw what happened, and how "sick" I looked at that moment. If there was an EMS truck close by I would have been seen. It took that to bring her into the light, and understand WHY I am doing this. All of us have those that just don't get it. Unless they have been in your situation, or any of our situations......the will never get it. Don't sweat it, do you thing.......and keep moving forward My day is April 6th......and I can't wait. Sincerely Tracy