April 13th around the corner

Hi everybody. My date is April 13th and it is so comforting knowing that you are all out there going through this experience too. I have been alternately excited and freaked out. The last few days the day time is okay. Of course I have very little time to think about it since my boss has committed me to finishing my two biggest projects before I leave for 4 weeks... It's nighttime that I am having my freak out moments. I start getting wound up and then I can't sleep. I am going to bed too late and then waking up every hour all night. When I wake up I am thinking (obsessing) about the surgery and my life after. By morning all I want to do is sleep so I've been getting up at the last minute and rushing to work. I promised my sister that I would have a will and a living will before the surgery. It's like a have a block about it and keep forgetting to deal with it. Did any of you have this on your list of "to do's" before the surgery? Anyway, thanks for being there walking this road at the same time. Dotsie

congrats on getting your date... I haven't even thought about will's or living will's...guess it's something we should all think about Ruth Ann

Hi Dotsie!! Congratulations! Yes, these things were on my to do list and are done: Living Will Will Healthcare Surrogate designation GENERAL Power of Attorney Something else maybe to think of, and I guess I did because this is what I do for a living, make sure if you have life insurance policies that they are where they can be found (or even if you don't physically have them in your hands, just let someone in your family know the name of the company and/or agent). ALSO be sure your beneficiary(ies) are up to date. Often we list beneficiaries on a policy when first taken out and we don't think to update them as life-events come up, like marriage, divorce, parents may have been listed but are now deceased.... so many things in our lives change and I find people don't really think about updating their life insurance. If anyone's a single mom like I am, it's good anyway, but especially now, to have a list of your debts/assets (besides what you have in your Will)with account numbers, phone numbers for your mortgage, auto loans, credit card accounts, utilities, cell phone company, etc. That way if anything happens (not just with this surgery, ANYTIME!) the one left to take care of your affairs will have a much easier time. They're going to be dealing with enough without having added worries trying to figure out all the details that they WILL have to figure out. The GENERAL Power of Attorney will be all they need to speak to your creditors, banks, utility companies, AND your childrens schools. Another thing is if you have bank accounts, maybe think about listing someone else on the account with you (just in case). Otherwise it's a huge challenge for the one left in charge to deal with the bank unless they're on the account, sometimes even with a Power of Attorney. The courts freeze assets shortly after a persons death unless they have a trust or by adding someone else to their accounts and without a Will (even if you don't have much like me ) they will appoint someone to handle your affairs. It will take longer for your estate to be settled (everyone has an estate, even if they have 1.00 to their name) and especially when you have children, you WANT things to be as simple and smooth as possible. Also, life insurance policies do not become held up in court issues. The death benefits payable to beneficiaries are between the beneficiary and the life insurance company. So it is best to be sure you review these policies from time to time. Believe me, without these things in order, I've seen many of my clients go through he-double-l after the death of a family member. I've experienced it personally with my own family. And it doesn't have to be a death situation. Any situation which might leave you unable to do these things for yourself, even if temporary, would be easier with these all in order before rather than after. Sorry for going into such detail. I've just seen so many families WISH their loved ones took care of things while they were living or able to make these decisions. Dorothy.... there's so many things we're dealing with and thinking of in this time before surgery but it's so important for our bodies AND minds not to be stressed. IN addition to other things, stress and anxiety weakens our immune system which can make our surgery and recovery more difficult and lengthy. If you want to, drop me an email and I will send you the name of a book I'm reading and a relaxation CD that are both doing wonders in helping me with the stress and my fears. It's good for before, during, and after surgery. And it gives us the tools and techniques that will help in other areas of our lives. So I figured it certainly can't hurt . We're trying to get everything else in order, (thinking about others) before surgery... we can't forget to get ourSELVES in order too. Take care!

PS.. I received an email from someone asking me a question about a Will. First of all, if you have a family attorney, he/she is who can give you the best advice on Wills or ANY of the important documents mentioned. If you don't have an attorney, and you have few or no valuable assets, ANYONE can prepare their own Will. You can find these documents at office supply stores, or you can do what I did.... Google.... the name of the doc (Simple Will, GENERAL Power of Attorney, etc.), type in FREE, and you'll find thousands of sites where you can download these documents, FREE. If you find a site that asks you your credit card information, find another site. Some allow you to complete the forms online then print. Otherwise, print the blank docs and fill them out yourself. All that is needed are a few witnesses and a notary. You can usually find a Notary Public at your insurance agents office or bank. They may charge you a few dollars or they may offer their services for free. There are 2 of us in my office who are notaries and we don't charge anything. Wills are not something that gets recorded with the Clerk of Court. You keep them, giving copies to whomever you see fit. Another question asked was "do I really NEED a will if I don't have anything". A Will is not just for your "assets". It's also for your final wishes to be carried out; to name a guardian for your pet(s), to name a specific person to handle your affairs, etc. MANY things a Will is used for. My parents don't have any real "valuable assets" but in the few years preceding my dads passing, he said he wanted to be cremated and his ashes scattered in a certain place. Never having taken my advice, he had no Will. After he passed away, my mother decided she didn't want him cremated. This was HIS choice, not hers or anyone elses. Fortunately our family is very close and even though it took some convincing, she agreed to allow him to be cremated. Had she of made a big enough stink, without a Will and her being the one to make the final decision, my dads wishes would not have been carried out. Needless to say, even with our closeness, it caused some unnecessary pain and friction at the worst possible time. Moral of the story, you can verbalize your wishes to your family but unless it's in writing, your final arrangements just might be someone elses choice. And all of those other documents can be found on the internet, for FREE, as well. Just be sure you're print and use one that's for your specific state.

Thanks for the info, Lisa. I've printed off documents twice and misplaced them. I am definitely having an emotional block to this. I think that I have wrapped a lot of my fear about the surgery into this act. Somehow these documetns have become a symbol of my fears. I am committed to having this completed before the surgery and am going to ask a friend to sit down with me to help me finish. I'll keep you posted. Hope you are doing well with your road to surgery. Dotsie

I'm doing very well, Dotsie... just major anticipation that it's still a month away. But it'll be here before I know it! Thank you for asking I do know what you mean. It took me some time to get it all together. And especially talking to my family--- some of them just don't want to discuss the 'what ifs'. But how can we not? It's reality. I think they're more concerned with me going to Colombia than the surgery itself. And I've told them that if something happens to me down there (which it won't!! that I want to be cremated in Colombia and someone can come get my ashes. They think I'm ! But my wishes are to be cremated anyway, so why pay thousands of dollars to have my fat A$$ flown back to Florida ? So I've made sure not only to discuss this with them but also put it in my Will, and I'll re-do it when I get back home. I'm glad you have someone who will sit down with you and help you. We really need all the support we can get right now. Good luck on your deeds ahead, and again with your surgery!