Relationships

Hey ya'll. How is everyone doing with relationships? Signifigant others, etc? Mine has been admittedly a little rocky recently, but I'm not sure if it has anything to do with my wls. Is it my self confidence getting better or my partner's workaholic-ness getting worse? I dunno. I just wondered about how you guys were doing. 9 more days until Thanksgiving!

This is such a great subject, I hear that some relationships don't survive WLS. My husband and I are solid. I believe he likes the new me (or the old me back). I can say I've noticed a change in him lately, he is very sweet to me these days. He does things for me more then usual, calls me a little more and tells me he loves me. He always said that he loves me no matter what I look like, but it just feels like he pays a little more attention to me now that I look better. Now work relationships are different, I guess I'm feeling more confident and less willing to sit and take all the crud. I've been standing up for myself lately and I don't think people like that very much. I think they would rather I be the door mat that they know and love.... I hope your husband realizes that you are the same person, just a different package... "New and Improved" so to speak. Good luck Darla

Funny subject, I can see both Jenn and Darla's ideas in my life. With work, I have been standing up for myself more and more every day. I have settled with less for a lot longer than I should have. NO MORE! With the hubby, well we are solid, I love him with all my heart and soul. I thought the marital relations part of our relationship would come back after I lost the weight! NOPE, I always thought it was the weight but it's not the case as I am smaller now than when we first got together. When we have relations it is awesome and wonderful but it is having it isn't there often enough for me........ So I tend to be a bit short with him, because I would like to know why???? He says he doesn't know, well if he doesn't who does?????? But life goes on, every day is a new day and we go from there!

Hi Jenn- I thought it was just my imagination but more people speak to me now when I walk down the halls at work (huge place, 4000 employees). I feel people are more considerate of me/nicer now which pleases me and ****** me off at the same time. I am single and the only relationships I have been in have been very dysfunctional (alcoholics, cheaters, etc) I am really scared about getting out there and dating when I'm ready since I've never really done it (and I'm 45!!!!!!) How sad is that? Anyway, do you feel people are starting to treat you differently? Denise

Oh girl... I have this red shirt. Its totally decent and safe for work, mind you. But it has rouching over the chest area. And its a damn cute shirt. Well, I wore it the other day and got double-takes from all these random men at work! People hold open doors for me now, say good morning, its odd. I don't mind it, but I wi**** translated to hubby. He once said, when asked why he doesn't comment on my weight loss, "Well, its like if you cut a centimeter of your hair off everyday, I wouldn't notice when one day, it was short." Maybe since I get courtesy/respect from strangers I think it should translate to hubby.

He once said, when asked why he doesn't comment on my weight loss, "Well, its like if you cut a centimeter of your hair off everyday, I wouldn't notice when one day, it was short." OUCH!!!!! Jenn - that has to hurt!! I am so sorry your hubby isn't more supportive post op. We all need to hear that our efforts are beginning to really show and who better to hear this from than our spouses??? My DH likes to check out what I'm wearing each day before he leaves for work as he finds it as exciting as I do when I pull out something from the closet that I haven't worn in years and it fits and looks great. And he absolutely loves it when we are out and see someone we haven't seen in a long time and they don't recognize me.....happened last night. He really gets a kick out of that. I hope your relationship turns around pretty soon. Maybe your hubby is absolutely thrilled with your progress but also wonders if he'll lose you? Maybe he feels that if he doesn't comment on the physical changes he can push those worries to the back of his mind. I'm no therapist, but maybe he's feeling a little insecure??? Regardless of the feedback you get from your DH, you are doing a fabulous job and need to keep focused. The relationship will work or it won't......but you're a wonderful woman who deserves the best. Don't settle for less!! Warmest regards, Bonnie

Here is a man's point of view. First off, My wife and I have been married for almost 26 years, so she has seen me at my fit weight and my death weight. While she has never said anything about me being heavy, she is loving the fact that she can put her arms around me and that I look so much better. She has even ran out and purchased new cloths and things for me. I think she has a fetish for guys in work boots, because she keeps trying to talk me into buying a pair to go with my new jeans. LOL, she hates that fact that I'm losing so fast and the few pounds she wants to lose is taking forever. Other than that, all is great (even the night time stuff ) As far as how other people treat me, I have noticed a change too, but still not sure if it me and new confedence or the way overweight people are treated?

Jenn K. My husband never Says anything about my weight loss. Most of the time I think I must be invisible, if it wasnt that I was so fat. I have lost alot of weight and I am not done to my goal yet, I dont think he cares one way or the other. I have been short with him more, instead of just doing what he ask me to do. I not easliy pushed around anymore as I was when I was heavier. I think that he is afraid that I will find someone else when I get smaller. I was big when we met and this is the first time he has saw me this small, so I can imagine what it is going to be like in 90 lbs more lost, lol. If it works it works, if it doesnt, then I guess that is what is meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. Hang in there girl, you did an positive thing for yourself, so dont let him get you down. Kathleen

Great topic! Most of the time my husband is great....comments on how great I look and seems to be so excited with my progress. Then some guy complements me and while he seems ok with it...I find out later that he is brooding. We had a long and heartrenching conversation about it and I find out the my father and his father had told him that he better watch out or he could lose me. How stupid! We have been together for 33 years and I am totally not interested in anyone but him...in fact it's now kinda fun!

No significant other here, but my kids and friends all treat me great. But they always have. Everyone has been very supportive. I feel like everone in my life believes I deserve this happiness. I think I treat everyone better now because I am not in pain and I have more energy to share, and interact with everyone around me. I naturally get much better response back. Plus I am happy, so I smile and laugh - its gotta be better for those I encounter. I did notice its rough on my best friend that I have lost weight while she has gained, after 20 years of friendship - its the first time I have been smaller than her. She's trying to be happy for me though. I know it would be an adjustment for a significant other! Especially since I feel so sexy and fisty! I am 100 pounds down today and into a size 18 for the first time!! Yippee, Yahooo! Love ! Valerie