First breakdown since surgery....

I have been pretty good and feeling good since surgery, but at times I feel like I regret my decision to have this surgery...I want to really be able to taste food, you cannot get the full effect when you get only a few bite in! ugh! Most of the time I feel great because I have lost 44 pounds and am feeling more confident Today was just a bad day! I woke up grumpy because my 20 month old woke up from 5-7:30 a.m. this morning and then we had to get up at 8 a.m. for church, so, I am sleep deprived! I was grumpy with hubby all day, he just cannot do anything right these days! Sorry Hubby!! Then, he goes to "5 guys" for lunch and asks if I want anything (after passing by Wendy's without asking if I want chilli...which I have been living on everyday!!!) so NO...I will not be able to eat that! He went in to order for my girls and I just cryed, I bawled for 20 minutes! Then when we got home and they were eating, and I had tomato soup, I cryed again and had to hide in the bathroom....I am very emotional today! I am in that "WHY THE **** DID i DO THIS", WHY DID YOU(hubby) LET ME DO THIS, ETC... Anyways, I just needed to vent to others that may understand what I am feeling!!! Hope tomorrow is 100% better

Hang in there Amy, it will get better. I'm crabby as all get out today too. I'm not sure what is up with me. I hope you are feeling better tomorrow! Lizzie

It must be the day because I bit my husbands head off today as well. He hasn't came in the house all afternoon. I so want to eat some junk food, there is a pan of brownies on my counter that I just keep smelling because I SO WANT them.....It is so hard when our families aren't heavy- my hubby eats more junk food than I ever ever did and he is like a rail and I had to cut myself open so I don't eat. Where is the fairness there? But I know it will get better and as my body heals I will feel much better and I will be able to do more. So I just keep letting go of those nasty feelings and giving them to God!!!! I know he won't give me more than I can handle I just wish he didn't trust me so much!

sound sliek you hormones are catching up with you. I find on many days when I have a freak out day, I find I am having hormone surges from all the hormones being released.

I was having a case of "Buyers Remorse" a couple of weeks ago. Most people have at least a few days with regrets. I totally understand. It's not that I would go back, this will bring me to a better place and I know that, but...everything is different now, and sometimes I want to go back to the old ways. I absolutely hate food now, even things I like the taste of. I have not had trouble with sweets since surgery. I do let myself have a small piece, usually I take one bite and don't want anymore. Yesterday I bought a candybar, had a quarter of it. It did not taste the same, I threw the rest away. I could never do that before! (I will admit that I kept reaching for it for the 5 minutes it took to get home, out of habit I think, cause I didn't really want it, so I kept putting it back, then when I got home I threw it away.) It's very strange.... Anyway, it happens... sometimes it takes a week or two to get back to feelings of resolve or even joy, but in the mean time, do what you can to distract yourself. Remind yourself that you did this for a reason, you want a better life, and as annoying..fustrating...etc...that this is, it will be better than being obese, uncomfortable, slow, unhealthy, sad.... for the rest of your life. Choose the words that motivate you best, but you get the idea! God Bless You! Heidi L-S

LOL, that's funny because EVERYONE has been telling me that "That surgery has made you even meaner/snappier/b*tcher. LOL. I mean, I just go off on anyone and everyone and it's ridiculous! I notice it myself. I always laugh and think what my friends tell me. (PARDON MY LANGUAGE). There is this comedian named Mo'Nique who is a BBW and she always says how she can't STAND skinny b*tches, LOL. She was like you know why their b*tchy? Cause they are HONGRAY! EAT! LOL. And I always apply that to myself. I'm not a b*tch, I'm just hungry, but I can't eat! Don't worry. You will be able to eat more eventually. You are further out than me but I know I personally can eat ALOT now. And I feel much better and I'm glad I CAN eat more because it allows me to get my calories in. Instead of getting in less than 500 calories because I can only eat a few bites, I can eat enough to get my 1000 to 1200 calories in and let my body know i'm NOT trying to starve myself and it can now let go of this weight it's trying to hold onto for dear life. Just wait it out. You'll feel better in no time! Are you taking your vitamins? I take two flinstone gummy vitamins and they seem to be working well. My nails have grown REALLY long and hard and my hair is growing and my skin looks alot better, so I make sure I get those vitamins in because they seem to be helping. I also have TONS of energy when I take my vitamins.

Amy, I, too, have had those days. And vent anytime......this is one place you can where you KNOW we understand. What gets me through those crappy days is knowing the good ones far exceed the bad ones. This is all still so new to all of us. Our bodies are still healing and emotionally, we have been through some Sh*t. So dont' be too hard on yourself when you do have these days. Congratulations on your loss thus far!!! You are doing GREAT!

I had a day not too long ago where I came home from work the night before and had some discomfort in my stomach, side and was really tired. The next morning when the alarm went off to get up I just couldn't face going to work so I called in and said that I would be in later around 10 - 11. I went back to bed to get some rest but then had to get up to go in - I really didn't want to but I felt obligated you know. I just started bawling. I cried and cried all the way through my shower. My hubby was off that day and was concerned and asked what was wrong. I just sobbed and said "I don't know." The whole way to work I cried. Then I kinda said to him that he had no idea how much pressure I had been under lately. I was under pressure at work and they wanted me to take a business trip that I really didn't want to go on. Plus I was pulled in a hundred different directions getting two girls ready for graduations - lots of money being spent....and you know teenagers - it's all about them right. And I was just major stressed and I didn't have food to turn to anymore. Even when I ate for fuel for my body the little that I do I don't enjoy it anymore really cause you have to chew the heck out of everything. It only tastes good the first few seconds then it's just a pain to keep chewing. So I think this is the moment that I realized that now I don't have food to rely on anymore and that I don't really enjoy eating anymore and I feel different. By the way I did go on the business trip and we had a business lunch together rather than me being able to go do my own thing at lunch. Boy did I feel awkward taking just the meat from my sandwich and leaving everything else. Anyone else dealing with this stuff - how do you deal. I think people must think I'm weird. I did get through my bawling day and actually felt better after I actually got to work. I just didn't want to face doing it. I'm feeling not so tired these days so hopefully things are on the upswing. Feel free to babble and vent anytime. Thanks for listening to me too. Carolyn