still fat

I try so hard not to get discourage with all that I have accomplished this past year. I am almost 1 year out and have lost a WHOPPING 180 lbs almost. I think that that is a great accomplishment. I am looking much better, and feeling GREAT. The only thing that still gets me down I guess is that even with all that I have lost, I would still qualify for the surgery if I had other comorbidities. I am still as large as some people who are just now having the surgery done. I always knew that I was LARGE to begin with, but then I read post about people who are down to their own goal, and weighing like 100-175lbs and they look great, and Im only down to 242. I look at pictures of myself and still think that I look huge. Will that feeling ever go away??? I know that I am healthier, and dont for one second regret having the surgery. I praise my surgeon each and every day for giving me the gift of life. Just second guessing me personally i guess. I still think that I look fat. I started out this whole journey at a 60+ bmi, and now im down to 34.2. Started at supermorbidly obese, and now im just just obese. Still wondering if I will ever just be overweight? Anita B 420/242/220 soon

Don't feel so blue. It does take a while to see the weight loss and accomplishments. I struggle with this everyday. Others that have not been through the surgery do not understand. I am in awe of the amazing progress that you have made so far. Heather 291-140(-151)

Anita, I can totally relate to this.... For months i was kicking myself in the butt because i had gained weight! I gained 12 pounds! But evening weighing 169 as of this morning, i still see myself as fat, and huge. I think that it will take awhile for our brains to catch up with our bodies in terms of our apperance. When i look in the mirror i try really hard to see the girl stnading there in the mirror and not what i think i look like but what i actually do look like. This helps but is scarey the first time i did it i didnt know who was looking back at me , and it freaked me out ! alot! but i take it slow. you will get to where you are suppose to be you jsut need to give yourself time! Hugs! Danielle

I can totally relate to what you are going through. I started out at a BMI of 78.6. On my 1 year anniversary I was down to a BMI of 48. I lost 190 pounds in my first year, but am going through a kinda depression because I havent lost more. I am dwelling on the fact that I have so much more to lose that I will never reach anywhere near where I want to be for goal. I know I need to stop that negative self-talk, but it is really hard. In that year, I went from a size 38 to a 2x top and 26 pants (due to excess skin issues). Skin issues are helping to feed the depression as well because I am not seeing the sizes change as rapidly as before. I have been in the same 26s for the last 4 1/2 months without seeming to get loose in the tummy at all. So I am scared to death that I am stuck here forever or that I wont get any less than a size 22 when all is said and done. I'm not looking for a miracle, but just to reach a size 14/16 I would be estatic. I also stopped talking pounds lost to most of the people I know as well. I am only dealing with percentages. For me to say "I lost 190 pounds in a year" seems like a tremendous miracle to everyone else...but in all actuality I am only at 51% EWL. So either way I look at it, percentages or pounds, I feel I am not gonna be successful and reach anywhere near my goal. To my surgeons office, I am doing great and right on track. I'm just not feeling it. I am looking into counseling for this and hopefully it will help. I just am having a hard time, even in surgery support groups, finding anyone who can comprehend/understand just what it could even be like to start out SMO...let alone SSMO. I am trying to exercise more but that is another hurdle in itself. With extremely bad knees due to the excessive weight and spending the majority of my life avoiding exercise at all costs, it is really hard to get the brain to come around to the fact that exercise can be an enjoyable thing and a necessity for life. Dont get me wrong...I do move and dance and walk the mall/stores as part of life....but to schedule that into my life on a daily basis, I am still resisting. Maybe you can add some insight into that for me as well on how you coped/did it (if you have). Thanks for listening to my rant =) D

Diane, Take it one day at a time. Any exercise is great. I read something the other day that said small amounts of exercise several times a day is better than exercising for an hour. My goal was to be able to ride a bike with my grandkids. I can do this now and am so proud. My knees hurt but at least I can move them. I really felt before WLS that I was heading towards disability. I know it is hard to see people at our weight now having surgery. I too feel like I need surgery again to get to a BMI of 25. So called normal. Normal for who? I have accepted I will never be there. You can also go to Walk from Obesity and they have a training for walkers. It is really great and may be something you can do. Walking is the best exercise. Do what you can. See you lighter. Joanne. Hammond Obesity Help Chapter Leader

Anita, Your feelings are normal. Beleive me I have the same thoughts but I am looking at it differently. Weighing 263 lbs at 12 years old I never exspected to get thin. We need to accept where we came from and what we have accomplished. I will tell you I started second quessing myself and needed to start anti-depressants ( something I fought hard not to do) but I was lossing the battle. You have done so well and should be proud. Girl !! Get your head up high and strut that 242 lb body. You have lost more then me and I am so glad for you. Will I ever get to my goal weight? I don't know at this point either but I am so thankful for where I have come. I look at people at goal and wish I was there too but I am accepting myself for who I am and refuse to beat myself up. I have done enough of that for a lifetime. Stop looking at lbs lost and look at percentage of lbs lost. What did your surgeon say he exspected you to get down to? Mine said I would get to about 190 lbs. So for me that is my realistic goal weight. For my height I should weigh about 138 lbs. I have accepted I will most likely never be that weight. I'm not there yet but have not given up. On my profile I have a link to check out your percentage of weight loss and it will give you a chart to see where you should be. Check it out. We will all not be thin but at least we are healthier and for that I am very happy. I am so much healthier then I was a year ago and I feel I have a chance for a normal life instead of hiding behind my fat. See you lighter. Joanne

First of all congrats on the weight loss! Keep in mind that our bodies and our minds have been through a radical change over the last 12 months. It will take time to for your mind to catch up with your body! One thing that has helped me is taking pictures and comparing them from time to time. Also, imagine your self picking up 200 pounds (chances are you can't) but yet you used to drag all of that around with you everywhere you went. You have done an amazing thing by giving this gift to yourself and you've done an amazing job! Be proud of what you've done and how far you've come!! Hugs, Teresa

Anita, I sit here reading your thread and can only say...WOW! I have felt the same way for 2 months now. I started at 5'10" and 347. Im now down to 203. I went from a size 32 to an 18/20 on the bottom and a 16 dress or top. If it werent for all the excess skin Id be a happy camper with the wt Ive lost. Even though the surgeon says I should be at 155. YEAH RIGHT!!! Im 44 and there is no way Im going to be 155. Id settle for 175 and praise GOD for that!! I can see that Im not eating as well either and see my wt toggle 2-3 lbs up and down. The one thing for sure I know is dont compare yourself to anyone else. Have YOUR goal and be content with that. I know I'll never have a 6 pack ab or the hard body that goes with youth and hours in the gym and plastic surgery. I own the fact that I dont want too and will not be a slave to the gym. I like to exercise but I see some of our WLS brothers and sisters chasing a body that wont happen. As a nurse I realize the body can only do so much. I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon next week to see what I can do about my belly and inner thighs. I'll live with the droopy chin and boobs, but the belly and thighs make movement difficult and I refuse to wear shorts!!! Keep the faith and keep doing what your doing. Any wt loss is a success, and youve already lost 180!!! Geez what an accomplishment is that. Id be at my surgeons goal with that. Find what is comfortable for you and enjoy that. Good luck Carol 347/203/175-155 depends on who you want to be