Body changes freaking me out

I was sitting on the coach watching TV and doing my odd ritual of poking at my ever decreasing rolls of fat and pulling at my drouping skin when I felt a hard spot just below my neck. I was freaking out, wondering what this hard spot could be when I realized it was my colar bone. At 32 years old I think I felt my colar bone for the first time in my adult life. My feet lost weight. I was wondering why my shoes were bothering my feet when one of the kids I work with asked me why my shoes were so big. I went to the store on Monday and bought several pairs of shoes in the women's section where I always had to buy men's shoes before. I had gone down 2 whole shoe sizes. At 32 years old I was finally able to by a pair of women's shoes that fit. I laugh about these things, but at the same time there is a part of me freaking out . . . saying "oh my heck", until my brain interupts and reminds me this is part of the plan to be healthy. Does anyone else find themselves freaking out over good and normal body changes.

I have kind of a funny story, actually. Okay, so we all know what it feels like to feel bones we've never felt before and all that... well, for the last couple of months, my butt has been KILLING me. I can't sit on any hard surfaces, or even on soft surfaces if I sit wrong. I assumed it was my poly-cyst flaming up again (a couple years ago, i had a polynital (sp?) cyst that got enflamed, and they drained it, but never removed it). So, I went and saw my doctor, and she said that she could feel it, but it wasn't very big, but she would refer me to a surgeon anyway, since I said it hurt so much. So, I got a surgical consult and I went for it. My surgeon had me bent over a table palpating my butt, and when she hit the spot where it really hurt, she said... "It's called having a boney ass!" HAHAHAHAHAH... I felt like such a retard. I apologized for wasting her time and went on about my way. The only thing is... I've been able to feel my tailbone now for the last 6 months, and it's just now started hurting... so, I'm assuming I've bruised it or cracked it somehow (in any case, there's nothing I can do about it). I still having ruled out the assumption that it might by a cyst that they might not be able to feel yet, because the other day I felt it and something went *squish*... and I don't think your tailbone is supposed to *squish*, and it still hurts like a mother, so I know something's not right. Dammit... when I had padding down there, this was never a problem, lol. Oh well. I totally know how you feel about finding bones and discovering other changes in your body. I'm a total boney freak now, lol. I think my colar bones look freaky, as they're completely visible without me even trying now. Also, I can see my ribs high up on my chest and around my sides when I stretch, which is kind of freaky, too. I've lost about 2 1/2 shoe sizes, and I've actually got a dip between my hips now when I lay on my back (If I had a TT, I guess it would be like that all the time, then I could wear those low-rider jeans like everyone else, lol). Anyways, it's all good... just means we're seeing and feeling results, and that's what we were hoping for pre-op.

I can totally relate to what your saying. I havent seen my collar bone in over 15 years, and I'm going to be 35 in July. So for half of my life I have never had a collarbone. As for the other stuff, I too realize the bonyness, and the fact that its weird being able to even go like into regular stores to buy clothes, and also into my own sisters closets and find clothes to fit me. I think the latter one is the weirdest. My sisters have ALWAYS been smaller than me my whole life. Skinny mini's I used to call them, but the other day my sister and I were talking and I am only 1 pant size larger than she is. I almost SH*T my pants. I dont notice my weight loss as much myself as aparently others do, and I guess its kinda all still part of that "FAT GIRL BRAIN" I keep hearing people talk about. I have lost a total of 170 lbs since my surgery in April (and if you think about it, that is a whole average size human being off of me). Hopefully one of these days I will be able to convince myself of how good Im told I look, and just be able to accept it. Its just kinda weird after being heavy for SOOOO long. I still have more to lose, and Im still overweight, but I am sooo much more healthier, and Im just overweight, not supermorbidly obese which is where I started out at. Keep up the great work...bony little thing...lol Anita B 420/250/220 soon

Maria, I sure can relate. Let me tell you I am 52 and have been Obese all my life. I never knew I had a collar bone and actually though I was sick when I first felt it. Our butts all hurt. I think part of this is from the way we sat down when we were so heavy. I know I still find myself bent over sometimes when I walk. I realize it and lift myself up straight. We have to learn to walk and sit all over again. Why don't peoples butts hurt that have been skinny all their lives? I'll never figure that one out. My shoe size has changed and I have a hard time wearing cloths that fit. They seem tight to me when everyone else says they are to big. I am just so used to wearing my cloths big to hide my fat. I am working on getting over this. Isn't it great to buy things you couldn't before? What kind of work do you do with kids? I work in juvenile detention. You should hear the remarks I hear from teens who haven't seen me since before surgery!!!! See you lighter. Joanne Hammond Delaware Obesity Help Chapter Leader

I work with emotionally and behaviorally disturbed children (a lot of which are court referred).

Maria, I take it you work with teens then. This is a very challenging job. We have alot of the same kids. If you are like me you have good days and bad days and must take it one day at a time for you don't know what each day brings. Most of my days are good. These are tough kids to work with but be proud for it takes a special person to do this kind of work. See you lighter. Joanne Obesity Help Chapter Leader

Not just freaking me out but hubby too! LOL About a week ago he snuggled up behind me in bed and put his arm over my side which he's always done in our 17 yrs of marriage. I was 1/2 asleep and I hear him mumble "What the he_ _ IS that!?!" and kinda start poking at my hip. I told him " I'm fairly sure it's my hip..." lol Poor guy said " no seriously....you have a really hard kinda boney thing there" Ok at this point I was awake and laughing at the poor man...rolled over and told him thank you!!! Yep...let's confuzzle the poor guy even more then he already is why don't I?!?! I had to explain to him that the " hard kinda boney thing" was in fact a hip bone. Gotta love men! Cathy

Oh my goodness, I have collar bones too and I LOVE THEM. Sometimes when I lie in bed on certain angles I feel bones all over that I had no idea were there. I cant wait until I lose another 30 or so pounds, I wont be able to stop patting my bones lol. hugs from down under Helen