6 Months and counting

Well, today is my 6 Month Surgiversary. Time went by SO fast! It seems like just yesterday I was struggling to move, to breathe, to live. Now I'm a whole new woman! I feel like I have my life back. My highest weight was 400lbs (probably more, but that's the highest number I saw), that was in Febuary of this year. Today I weigh 288lbs. I'm still Morbidly Obese, but I'm at least at a more comfortable level of obesity. I've always been comfortable with myself as a person, but over the last 2 years I have not been comfortable with my body. I don't mean that I didn't like what I saw, I didn't like how I felt. It was a major effort to get out of bed in the morning, to shower, to get dressed, to work, to walk, to go to the bathroom.... hell it was even a major effort to eat(Ironic, right?)! I think back right now on how hard everything was and I'm grateful that I don't have to do that anymore. I was so tired of the effort. I was ready to give up. I couldn't just do something, I had to think it out, make sure I could get it all done and then hope I had the energy. Now I have freedom. Not total and complete... yet... but more freedom than I've had in a long time. I tend to be a bit self-destructive, so I'm really scared that one day I'll put it back on. That I'll slip up and gain all of it back. I've lost 80lbs, then gained it back before. I'm working CLOSELY with my therapist to try to keep that from happening again. I'm thrilled and scared ****less all at the same time. I'm still having a huge swing of emotions in regards to where I will be a year from now, 2 years from now, 10 years from now. You would think fear would keep me grounded, but it never has before. Today is both a miraculous and fearful day. I've made it 6 months out and 100lbs down. Where will I go from here. I think I'm making some positive steps. I started working a part time job, but have decided that the little bit of extra money is not worth putting my health to the side. If I'm working more I can't work out, eat right, and sleep right. I'm going to resign from the second job and take care of myself!! I MUST. This is all new to me, this taking care of myself thing... I hope I can do it right. Now enough of the ranting! I've made it six months, SIX WHOLE MONTHS AND DOWN 100LBS!!! That is AMAZING!! I don't have my measurements (we took them, then lost them) but I KNOW that I've lost a lot of inches. I've lost 3 ring sizes, 1 shoe size, 3 dress sizes, 5 pant sizes, and a bra size. I've gained mobility, faith, energy, flexability, socialization skills(hadn't even realized I had lost them, but I had), hope, comfort, friendships(strengthening of old and new ones through the experience), and most importantly... a future! If you're reading through entries and pages trying to make your own decision on this journey... here's what I have to say. For each person this is a different journey, some are lucky(like myself) and some are not. Some reach their goals and some do not. Some gain confidence, some do not. If you are going to take this journey, take it for yourself. Don't take it to make others happy. It is your body and your life. You will have to live with yourself no matter what decision you make. For me, this was my decision, I have stood by it and continued to do so. I have absolutely NO regrets. Not one. If I "slip" again there is no one to blame but myself. I am in charge of my body and my life. I wanted it back. I didn't want the weight to continue to take it away from me. Good luck to all of you on your own personal journey! Peace, Michelle Lap RNY 4/18/05 Dr. David Ward (400)388/288/185 **x-posted just about EVERYWHERE!**

Congratulations and keep up the good work!

You have already come so far. Great for you. On the days that you are struggling, don't look so far ahead. Just go day to day, or look at where you came from. You are totally right about only doing the surgery for you. If you have doughts - stop and think about it before you act. It will only work if you want it and are committed to it. Congrats on your progress! Heather 4-11-05 291-196

Congratulations Michelle! Not only are you physically healthy, your attitude is very healthy. You are really aware of the consequences if you don' keep up the good work, and I think that will continue to steer you on the right path. I'm so proud of you! Realizing taking a second job could jeopordize your health is big. This surgery has made me make my health my number one priority and forced me to take care of some health issues I had ignored for awhile. It was an unexpected benefit for me. I'm 6 months out too and have lost 76% of my excess weight (about 117--lost 20 before the surgery). I had my 6 mo check yesterday and am a little low on iron, but everything else looks good. Great job Michelle, try to focus on today and not worry about 1-2 years from now...you'll get there! Colleen