Monday People!!!!You Know You've Had Gastric Bypass Surgery When.........
Ok. there is a lot of us on Monday,April 4.and I know that we are all nervous and anxious. I just wanted to say that I will be thinking about all you guys and you will all be in my prayers and we will all be lossers together and rebirth babies next week!!!!So good luck to everyone!
Here is something that made me relax a little 
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!!
Patricia
You Know You've Had Gastric Bypass Surgery When.........
*I have a date" does not mean you're going out.
*You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* All of your silverware says Gerber.
* A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking.
* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a week.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".
* Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Jus****er for me please".
* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches".
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you names behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there". * When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.
* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water
* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say WOW you're mom is hot.
* When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them
* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra
* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.
* No more velcro shoes
* Tongs are no longer to fry chicken.
* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties
* When your stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables
* Your mother says "You don't eat enough"
* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have success with this."
* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him.
* You can wear corderoy pants without igniting a fire
* When you wave and your upper arms wave back
* You safety pin your underwear *
Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress
* Cannot blame the cat for shedding
* Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card
* 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase
* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god..did he die???
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!!
Patricia
You Know You've Had Gastric Bypass Surgery When.........
*I have a date" does not mean you're going out.
*You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* All of your silverware says Gerber.
* A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking.
* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a week.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".
* Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Jus****er for me please".
* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches".
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you names behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there". * When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.
* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water
* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say WOW you're mom is hot.
* When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them
* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra
* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.
* No more velcro shoes
* Tongs are no longer to fry chicken.
* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties
* When your stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables
* Your mother says "You don't eat enough"
* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have success with this."
* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him.
* You can wear corderoy pants without igniting a fire
* When you wave and your upper arms wave back
* You safety pin your underwear *
Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress
* Cannot blame the cat for shedding
* Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card
* 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase
* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god..did he die??? 
thanks for posting these! I will have each and every one of you in my heart and prayers on Monday. I cant wait to see who is gonna come back here first. My money is on Ng!...Im still confidant and not nervous or scared. Placed all my faith and trust in my higherpower and He has not let me down yet!...
I have worked right up until the surjury and just have tomorrow off to clean (I NEED a cleaning 
, please send me one asap!), pack and get ready for Monday. Mine is set for 10 am, hospital by 8 am, what time do you guys go under?
Sandy 
Rosanna H.
on 4/3/05 3:00 am - Scottsdale, AZ
on 4/3/05 3:00 am - Scottsdale, AZ
Dear Patricia,
What a wonderful post. You just turned a lot of my pre-op jitters into laughter. I hope I can copy this so I can share it with some of the other bariatric patients at the hospital. I also have surgery on April 4th @ 7:00am. and have been going through a roller coaster of emotions for the past 2 weeks . I am almost all packed, paper work is in order but, my families laundary is not all done ( mine is ) and the house is not as organized as it could be. Thank God for my husband! Though he is not much of a housekeeper he has been a huge support. He even arranged for a cleaning girl to come weekly during my home healing time. I hope she can come for at least 6 weeks.
I wish you luck and will say a prayer for me and you Patricia and all the April 4th, WLS people as I begin my journey to the hospital. Really, this is a journey that marks the begining of a whole new life for all of us.
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