********Bitter Sweet*****

You guys, I just got my date of April 13th, 2005 earlier this week and I am still happy you know but why is my husband trying to break my spirits down. He began with he was worried about me making it through surgery but the truth came out this week. He is scared that I am gonna go out and become a wild woman !!!!!! We have four children and honestly no joke this man is soooooo handsome, Taye Diggs has nothing on him!!!!!! I would never leave. I have tryed time and time again to reassure him of that and how deep my love runs for him and he seems to understand me and accept it while we are having the conversation but I can tell he is not happy for me. Now he is starting to make up excuses why he can't come to the consult the is mandatory for him to go to tomorrow...... So I called my Auntie to attend in his place and he just shut down after he heard me talking to her and she agreed to come and help me. Has anyone had this trouble with there spouse? I know that there are men that like big women (He is from Jamacia) but I am sorry I don't want to be this way anymore, Is that selfish?????

Mine has been buying me candy and cookies. He has done this when I have gone diets in the past. Talk to him focus on all the positive things that you will be able to do together after you drop some weight. Remind him that many people never lose all the weight that they are over ideal, most lost about half. Remind him that it is simply a matter of: lose weight or die before you should, and ask him why would he want you to die earlier than you have to? Naturally he should say he doesn't want you to die early, and then you say, then you should want me to have the surgery......... so you will be healthier. Good luck, and try not to worry. My surgeons have had NO ONE die from the surgery........ yours probably has not either. Check, the facts should help out too.

I think my husband is a little concerned about that also. Not only will my appearance change but I'll be graduating from nursing school soon and I will have some financial independence as well. He wasn't too supportive until I told him that after seeing me naked so much he will be begging me to put some clothes on. That seemed to do the trick. My surgery is scheduled for April 6 and we'll see what happens. Hang in there!

My spouse could care less, either way. We will more than likely divorce but not because of this surjury but because this marriage has just run its course after 24 years and I think it is mutal we do this. We have been seperated for over a year anyway but remain friendly and on good terms, in fact he will be going with me to the hospital. I think your hubby is scared of loosing you ( maybe more from the surjury itself rather than from loosing the weight) and I just dont know what to tell ya, it has been too many years since I felt like anyone would be worried about me in this manner, just keep reassuring him and maybe plan a weekend getaway for just you two before your surjury, if it can be arranged, even if you just get away for a night, off to yourselves maybe stay in a hotel, go to dinner, out dancing or just walking on the beach, or out in the woods, heck go parking!.. relive the days of the newlyweds you were before kids and real life, maybe it will help..I dunno, just a suggestion. Best of luck! Sandy

Hi Nicole, First, I would like to say congrats on your upcoming surgery. Good luck. I sympathize with you as my husband is similar. He claims that he is scared of surgery that something may happen to me, and that once my goal is reached I would leave him for someone else. He is afraid that I will return to my wild days. This is an insecurity that comes from within THEM, not us! Listen, block it all out. You are doing this for yourself, to better yourself in so many ways. Don't let ANYONE break you down and try to sabatoge what you want most and waited for all this time. NO ONE is worth that. Just tell him that you are taking one day at a time and that only positive changes will take place once you get off and running He will get past it, if not, then because you need to concentrate on yourself, and NO it is NOT being selfi**** is simply taking the time to care about #1. Take care. Roe

My boyfriend is from Africa....and very supportive...but even he and I have gotten into spats about the same issue....My guy is the most handsome man I know.....but he says the same of me....I just reassure him ....all you can do is pray......I also told him that I wanted to be better for us...not just me...and he knows how I want it...to be more healthy...Not just a better version physically.....I hope that helped a lil bit