Howdie Runner Girl! I'm very sorry for your loss, but I love reflective moods. What have I gained as a result of my Lap RNY on 4-1-04 1. Anger - before, when I was fat I never really let myself be angry. I would push down my feelings with food - stuffing the pain away. I can't really do that anymore. And even though I sometimes try - I'm so incredibly grateful that I have this new-to-me critical emotion on my pallet. I am able to express myself in a way that more accurately reflects what I'm experiencing. Its not always easy, but at least I'm honest with myself about where I stand. Focused anger is incredibly powerful tool. 2. Higher Standards - before I tended to settle (career, dying young with comorbidities). I now am unwilling to live a life that doesn't fullfill me fully and richly. I'm going to live a long healthy life - and whereas before I had resigned myself to a young death (my mom is only in her 50s and in a nursing home for GOD's SAKE!) after a debilitating and miserable middle age. 3. Living in my body - before I used to life in what I now see is a rather delusinal state. What I put into my body or what I put my body through somehow had no bearing on my health according to my old standards. The M&Ms I ate magically evaporated after passing my teeth - they certainly had no relationship to the wideness of my girth. The 3 hours or less of sleep in a thankless job certainly had no relationship to my stress level. Now, I am the ruler, tenant, master of this domain of Body. I feel the stresses of the day, and am forced to deal with them. I must fuel this body in a healthful way, or face the consequences. I'm able to SEE that there are consequences. I also am able to make incredible demands of this body - running for example. When properly fueled, hydrated, and trained this body can achieve more than I ever dreamed possible. I'm finding that this body is far more resiliant than I ever gave her credit for. I wouldn't say that these blessings have been easy - in fact far from it. The Chinease blessing/curse of "may you live in interesting times" is so true. This has been a very interesting process. However - I am confident that my life is richer for the experience. None of my emotional problems were "solved" but, I'm not going to die young after a miserable struggle with diabetes like my mother is going to. And though its harder to be living in a reality that doesn't include food as coping mechanism, its a life much more worth wakeing up for every day. I don't know if any of this makes sense outside my head. And I've slept about 4 hours due to the aforementioned thankless job. (I'm working on it!) Love to all, ~Lara 400+/190 Date of 1st 10 mile race 10/2/05

wow you look awesome..you and this guy http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=S1109092412 need to get together and make a calendar

Hi Rachel, This journey has been a great one so far for me from where I was over a year ago. I used to feel like I was a walking dead person. I was dead inside but my body just kept struggling on without me. I could have been in a room of 1,000's of people but I always felt totally alone. I no longer have the feeling of nothingness. I'm now friendly and outgoing. I interact with people once again. I no longer take my depression meds, blood pressure pills, nexium or my vioxx. I no longer have the excrutiating pain of just moving. I actually have become a member of the living and I pray I live to be 100 years old now instead of praying to just stop breathing. It's nice to be alive. I feel so great! I actually put on a size 10 jeans today and bought them because my daughter told me that my 12's looked like garbage bags on me. It has been one hell of a trip and I look forward to the rest of the journey. I just wish that John could have been able to experience it. Best Wishes! Donna 339/155

Hi Donna, I thought I replied to this, but I don't see it Anyway, I hit my goal at 4 months post op...I GOT RID OF ALL MY CO MORBIDITIES!!! Now at 1-1/2 post op I've hit other mini goals along the way Surgeons goal for my 155 - done My personal weight goal - 145 (puts me in 'normal' for my height) done Ultimate goal 139 (puts me in the century club) done 135...puts me in pre-baby weight ... still trying 129...puts me at pre wedding weight ... some day??? anyway it'll be fun trying So losing the weight and getting into a size 8 has been fun...but its my health that I'm soooo happy to have back! Thanks for asking, Rachel

Janie, That's great, at your 4 mile pace (about a 15 minute mile) you can do a 5k (3+ miles) in 40 - 45 minutes. I like Laura's advice to you. Run walking is one of the best ways to increase distance and eventually, if you push yourself you will eliminate the walking altogether and increase speed. Another thing you want to do is just do a...what I like to call "balls out run". Do it for as long as you can (while staying in a healthy heart range for you). this will help you increase speed too. And don't forget to vary your inclines. Out doors runs are never on flat surfaces. But focus on one thing at a time. First distance (which you pretty much have covered) then incline, then speed. Always stretch after your run and wear good fitting shoes. With all that said. Keep a journal on your progress. It will keep you honest and you will be amazed to look back at it a year from now. Rachel PS. when I first started training, my 'balls out run' was at a 3.5 mile pace...not a run at all. Now I can run at 6.0 mile (10 minute mile) pace for one mile and still run another 6+ miles at 5.o mile pace (12 minute mile). You can do it too!