What have you gained???

And no I don't mean weight wise. I'm feeling very reflective today. A dear friend of mine from the California board just passed away last night after complications from his recent WLS. He struggled for years to get approved...I'm just blown away. So I know so many that haven't hit goal, or are struggling to stay at goal (me), worried about getting fat. And others who are soooo happy with this journey...So indulge me...what have you gained since having WLS #1 for me is my health. I had Apnea (slept with a cpap), out of control blood pressure, horrific edema, my feet ached all the time, my tendonitus was always aggrivated from the weight of my breasts, I was always winded, i was always sweaty, I had trouble wiping my own arse for gosh sakes. All gone. I can run like the wind, play with my kids, play with my husband Am I skinny...nope...but boy I'm healthy and soooo grateful! So tell me what you have gained. And remember that life is a journey not a destination...enjoy the trip! Rachel

Hi Rachel, This journey has been a great one so far for me from where I was over a year ago. I used to feel like I was a walking dead person. I was dead inside but my body just kept struggling on without me. I could have been in a room of 1,000's of people but I always felt totally alone. I no longer have the feeling of nothingness. I'm now friendly and outgoing. I interact with people once again. I no longer take my depression meds, blood pressure pills, nexium or my vioxx. I no longer have the excrutiating pain of just moving. I actually have become a member of the living and I pray I live to be 100 years old now instead of praying to just stop breathing. It's nice to be alive. I feel so great! I actually put on a size 10 jeans today and bought them because my daughter told me that my 12's looked like garbage bags on me. It has been one hell of a trip and I look forward to the rest of the journey. I just wish that John could have been able to experience it. Best Wishes! Donna 339/155

Oh Donna, thank you for the wonderful response. Its great that you are LIVING your life. Keep appreciating the day to day gifts this surgery provides. Keep enjoying your life as you've described here. I had the great fortune of knowing John and I know he is honored by your appreciation of life. Hugs, Rachel

It's funny that you ask this, because I've been thinknig about this alot. The big thing now is.....A LIFE! 1. I'm dating again for the first time in who knows how long - I feel like a teenager in a totally good way. 2. I have tons of friends, went dancing last weekend, flirt with guys, having a great time. 3. A great new job, in a great new city, a great new home, tons of confidence I never dreamed possible. 4. No more C-pap, blood presure meds, back pain, high cholesterol. 5. A happiness I never dreamed possible. Dianne 340/138

Hi Diane, Thanks for taking time to respond. I posted this same thread on the California board and the number one answer was A LIFE. It sounds like you are using your tool to the fullest. Thank you for the uplifting words. It's truly a blessing to have you to depend on at times like this! Hugs, Rachel

Thanks Rachel, you have been a wonderful support as well! Dianne

Howdie Runner Girl! I'm very sorry for your loss, but I love reflective moods. What have I gained as a result of my Lap RNY on 4-1-04 1. Anger - before, when I was fat I never really let myself be angry. I would push down my feelings with food - stuffing the pain away. I can't really do that anymore. And even though I sometimes try - I'm so incredibly grateful that I have this new-to-me critical emotion on my pallet. I am able to express myself in a way that more accurately reflects what I'm experiencing. Its not always easy, but at least I'm honest with myself about where I stand. Focused anger is incredibly powerful tool. 2. Higher Standards - before I tended to settle (career, dying young with comorbidities). I now am unwilling to live a life that doesn't fullfill me fully and richly. I'm going to live a long healthy life - and whereas before I had resigned myself to a young death (my mom is only in her 50s and in a nursing home for GOD's SAKE!) after a debilitating and miserable middle age. 3. Living in my body - before I used to life in what I now see is a rather delusinal state. What I put into my body or what I put my body through somehow had no bearing on my health according to my old standards. The M&Ms I ate magically evaporated after passing my teeth - they certainly had no relationship to the wideness of my girth. The 3 hours or less of sleep in a thankless job certainly had no relationship to my stress level. Now, I am the ruler, tenant, master of this domain of Body. I feel the stresses of the day, and am forced to deal with them. I must fuel this body in a healthful way, or face the consequences. I'm able to SEE that there are consequences. I also am able to make incredible demands of this body - running for example. When properly fueled, hydrated, and trained this body can achieve more than I ever dreamed possible. I'm finding that this body is far more resiliant than I ever gave her credit for. I wouldn't say that these blessings have been easy - in fact far from it. The Chinease blessing/curse of "may you live in interesting times" is so true. This has been a very interesting process. However - I am confident that my life is richer for the experience. None of my emotional problems were "solved" but, I'm not going to die young after a miserable struggle with diabetes like my mother is going to. And though its harder to be living in a reality that doesn't include food as coping mechanism, its a life much more worth wakeing up for every day. I don't know if any of this makes sense outside my head. And I've slept about 4 hours due to the aforementioned thankless job. (I'm working on it!) Love to all, ~Lara 400+/190 Date of 1st 10 mile race 10/2/05

Wow Lara, Thank you for the thoughtful response. And yeah, it totally makes sense. And no, this journey isn't easy, but its so nice to have options and choices for the first time...isn't it? Yes training is hard, but the choice to do it wasn't there a year and 1/2 ago. Yeah to us for chosing health. I wish you well in you thankless job...one step at a time. Rachel

I love your reply! I wish that I can do more than think about these thought as being true and honese - I wish that I could live it more. I am in a better place than I was before the surgery that cannot be denied and I am slowly as changing I see it. It's just to hear/ see you write these thought just makes it clear for me as to where I should be.. One day. Thanks Liz 257/172-175/140

Hi Rachel. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Thanks for the thought-provoking question. I'm glad that you are living your life to the fullest. For me, I have come to realize how much I truly want to ....not the life I led at 281 lbs., but the life God meant for me to live. I got a taste of how much there is to enjoy after my first surgery when I lost 60-70 lbs. I'm still food addicted, but I am working on it after my second surgery. I appreciate every day. I have had the rare opportunity of discovering how much my friends and family love me. Having come through two very difficult surgeries, I now know who my true friends are, and I don't waste any time telling them how much I love them. Life is too short to hold grudges or to stay angry with someone. It is also too short to waste my time doing something I really don't want to do. My husband asked me tonight what I want to do with the rest of my life. Here is what I told him: 1. I want to be able to lead the worship service again at church. (singing songs of praise). 2. I want to see my second son settled in a permanent relationship. 3. I want to be able to play with my grandchildren. 4. I want to be able to spend time with my husband....traveling, fishing, hiking, having fun....pretty basic things, but that is what life is all about...the basic things in life. So what have I gained? A true appreciation for life and for family and friends. You take care, and run one for me! Peg