Doing poorly, failing my tool...

I'm feeling kinda low. Eating poorly. Needing motivation to get my ass back in gear. I feel like I need to just take a long long walk and forgive my sins, lol. I'm having fights with carbohydrates and just eating badly. The hard part about this kind of emotional/trigger eating is that I know immediately that I am doing something wrong - my body has reactions to bad foods, and my belly is so small. But, I can have "tastes, bites" until I've eaten way too much of something... over the course of a day, week, month... it adds up. It's been a couple of days that I've been really just trigger-eating every time I feel the slightest stress. It's like - the kids do something naughty, go get a handful of Cheerios. Why? Who knows - it's not something I ever thought I'd be capable of anymore... but it is. And, it's so obviously related to stress, mood, etc... nothing to do with hunger. I feel like I need to step back and start fresh with liquid proteins for a while and remember what hungry feels like - and stop this cycle - it's so damaging - and I will regain if I continue. (Perhaps not immediately, but over time it will cause regain...) I know it has a lot to do with my recent events - finding out we can't add on to the house, the college denial, followed by the plastic surgery denial... (approved to have it done, but must pay cash), it's enough to make your head spin, I know. It's like, a lot of talk and no action, I can't stand it. But, not for a lack to trying to get something accomplished!! Getting the house ready - and possibly selling it feels "right" somehow, I don't know why - because I'm sure noone else sees it that way - but in a way it's helpful to know we can and really "move on"... it may not happen, I still have that feeling it won't happen at all, but at least we can try, right? Anyways - I feel slightly rebellious... and so help me _____, if this house doesn't sell, or a I can't find a job to do, I'mma shave my head, pierce my nose, get a tattoo, and join Cirque Du Soleil! ARGH! GROWL! HISS! Man, I feel slightly better. B e t h _______________________________________ when it rains it pours and opens doors and floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry -train ________________________________________ HW- 313 SW- 298 CW- 140 (but not weighing) GWR- 114/151 Journal- http://meltingmama.blogspot.com/ Pix- http://community.webshots.com/user/msooyl Email- [email protected] IM- bethlbutterfly

***BIG HUGS*** There is nothing harder to deal with than rejection! Its weird. . .it's like now that we're a year out, the old habits have reared their ugly heads with a vengenance - suddenly its much easier to do those old terrible things. I'm working my butt off to pretend I can't. . .but it's much harder now than it was 6 months ago. Lady, you're a source of stregnth, inspiration and hope for so many on this board. I don't have to tell you how wonderful you are - but here I am reminding you anyway. You're awesome! Don't give up, and don't give in. You can beat your demons. And as trite as it sounds, everything does happen for a reason . . .sometimes they're sucky reasons (like "because I said so") but you're a mom so you get that sometimes it's harder to explain in the moment what will become apparent in time on its own. Keep your chin up, and get out there and go on walks when you're down. It will curb the eating, get the kids some sunshine, and help you get a fresh perspective. I'm wishing you the best, ~Lara

TYVM, Lara! Melting Mama * "Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success." D. Carnegie HW- 313+ SW- 298 CW- 140 GW- 130 www.meltingmama.blogspot.com/

Maybe this is year out syndrome! I too have been dealing with old demons in the food world. Ugggh. I needed a "change". This weird life of a post-op RNY person is too normal for me now. I am enrolling in college, once again and will hopefully be attending at least part time in the fall. I switched offices with a girl from work, hoping a change of scenery would improve my boredom at work. I like the job, the people, the pay, but I'm bored out of my mind, there is no challenge. Now I'm considering cutting my hours from 40 to 30, so I can spend more time at home or working on school. I guess I'm bored with my life, so little things annoy me more, then I "nibble". Suppose we'll muddle through!

Hey girl, I know how you feel. I've had my share on bummer news lately (to put it mildy) I'm too exhausted from it all to go into it, but hey, I'm learning to cope with life using my new tool and boy is there a learning curve. We can figure this out if we keep trying. xo, Rachel