Divorce after weight loss......

Mmmmmmm.. Its been one year. I lost 125 pounds in weight and now another 205 pounds in baggage. Anyone have partner problems after weight loss?? My partner of seven years says I have changed now that I am thin. Albeit, I agree. Do you think we accept second best for ourselves when we feel second best? The interesting part is I chose WLS so that I would keep him, and now we couldnt be farther apart.

1st of all let me say "GIRL YOU ARE HOT!!!" I just checked out your profile & I was like WOW look at her now! I do not have the same problem you do - my DH wants me even more now then before ... my problem is my LACK of sex drive ... I still love him - I just don't want to jump his bones every minute - so he is frustrated & so am I. I think when we are heavy we "Take what we can get" - if I would have married the 1st guy that is where I would be - right there with you ... I waited and went after my husband - caught him & made him mine. I think we settle - I think we take second best because we don't believe we could ever get #1 .... You are better without him if he cannot accept & love the new you ... after 7 years I can only imagine the feelings you are having ... I hope it gets better & that things work out the way they are supposed to ... Sue 318/166/passed goal

Sue , I gotta be with you on this one..I too love my husband dearly..I just have no sex drive.How have you been after your PS? I want updated pictures soon ok... I can't wait! lisa

I have heard this happening... My best friend she lost over 200 lbs and got to a point I just couldn't be around her.. everything was about her.. her ..her.. she was constantly comparing others to her.. putting others down and so forth... She wasn't the friend I once knew, and her relationship suffered too.. it was like she was so in love with herself and nobody else mattered.. Was I jealous? No way.. I couldn't be like that.. after a few years she gained some of her weight back but also gained herself too... she is not just into how she looks and who she looks better than.. she is normal to me..LOL I don't even know why this story has anything to do with your question.. I guess people change.. people grow apart.. lives get better and we start having more confidence in ourself and our relationships.. After my sister had her gastric Bypass.. she moved to japan where she is supposingly making adult movies.. she has changed soooo much..wow.. anyways.. you are beautiful and you have your whole life.. don't make yourself feel like you have done something wrong to make your marriage fail.. you bettered your health and you look awesome.. good for you.. If you are ever in Panama city florida.. we have to go out.. You and I will have a blast!! WOOHOO Love ya girl, LIsa

Hi...We just had a long thread about this same subject on the Cali board Here's the link to it http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/state-forums/CA/postdetail/249518.html?vc=0 Someone said the stat for divorce after WLS is as high as 68%. I was thin when I met my husband and didn't gain weight till after babies. He stuck with me through thin and thick and I love, love, love him more today than I did 10 years ago when we got married. Wishing you the best with your new found freedom! Rachel

I've heard that separation/divorce is extremely common after major weight loss. 68% - and the average for non-WLS folks is 50%... My situation is slightly different, since he & I are both post-ops... but I openly admit it would be a miracle if it lasts after all the stresses we've gone through, three children, losing eventually about 350 combined lbs. My gut feeling right now is that we will be just fine, but *only* because we did it "together" - KWIM? When we met, we were both overweight, he was about 250 lbs and I was about 200 lbs. We were very young. He then lost about 100 lbs - and regained that and more when we became grown-ups and started popping babies out and going to work to support his new family. Y'all know my story - I just gained and gained with babies - I started out big, 200 lbs - but it just got worse as pregnancies occurred. It makes my brain hurt to think about it - since we're already into this marriage & family thing for many years and we're so young still. I hope that the losses just intensify things - they have so far. I don't want to think that he "settled" for me because he was big - and likewise, either. I was there while he was big AND not so big, and while he was generally the same guy - the not so big guy is much better for me! "Every interpersonal relationship in which the patient participates will change substantially as the dramatic weight loss occurs. This change will affect all relationships, but the marital relationship is one of the most significant - a very high percentage of patients get divorced within the first two years after weight loss surgery. The patient generally becomes more outgoing and socially involved as weight loss progresses; in some cases the patient desires to leave the marriage and in other cases this creates a crisis in confidence for the spouse. We do not have a solution to this problem, except to strongly encourage patients and their loved ones to consider the upcoming stress before surgery. If the marriage is not a strong one, the couple should engage in marriage counseling before the weight loss surgery. Other interpersonal relationships can experience unexpected changes as well - more than one mother or child of a patient has expressed regret over the loss of the person they knew..." ___________________________________________________________ Beth Someday I'll fly, someday I'll soar, someday I'll be so much more than my body gives me credit for. Why is it not my time? What is there more to learn? Shed this skin I've been tripping in, never to quite return... -J. Mayer http://meltingmama.blogspot.com

well i dont have partner problems ...but i DEFINTALLY think that when we were all heavy we all took what we could ..Well i know i did when i look back ...I never had soemone that treated me the way they should have ...And i think once our selfesteem goes up when the weight goes down we see all the things we really dont like and dont want to deal with anymore ...Granted there are some that have wonderful partners and all and nothing changes but i know looking at my past i always took the low road ,.,and now with my new boyfreind i have defintally gone many steps up on the way he treats me !!! Laura

Hello again, Jamie - Why can't I see your pictures on your profile? Maybe you could email a few to me. I need to take a few also. You know - I'm lucky that my relationship hasn't changed much or been damaged by WLS and loss of - yes- 130 lbs. But we're at a different age and that makes a difference. But it's very common. Monica Ganz said that it is very high. He did not give you anything approaching support through this very major surgery and I think that may even be more of an issue than "settling." A question of unmet needs and expectations. I hope that you can find the strength be be alone for a while. I know you can. You have never been second best. You are one fantastic woman and don't you forget it!! Weight has nothing to do with it. You were beautiful when you were larger too. Ruth

Just wanted to say that I feel it is the person and not the weight. Sounds like he has never been what you needed and now you have the confidence to say the hell with you!! Good for you girl.....power can do strange things to people... You look awesome and should always strive to the top.....Funny how when we are heavy we don't think we deserve the top, when we deserved it just like anyone else...... My personal story is a marriage of ups and downs....married to a Marine!!!Although we have survived it ALL over the last 10 years, my weight went along with the highs and lows....we are the strongest now then we have ever been, but it is because we both work at it and want it...... Good luck to you on your journey!! You look awesome....I want some PS, but have to wait until we get back to the states for that..... Take Care Lori 231/121 past goal