Dubyaday-Journals-Body image issues

Post! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Six days till my very merry un-birthday. Two days after that, it's off to the Mickey metropolis. Trying to get things ready for that trip. I still don't have a swimsuit, as nothing covers enough! I feel like a deflated balloon when I try them on, it's pathetic. Doesn't matter the brand, cost, size, material or style... nothing is made to cover what I have. Business ?! Clothes for post-ops?! I need a one piece suit with ample upper thigh coverage, tummy control paneling, a FULL support bra top with underwire and push-ups, and a matching coverup or something that can get wet for my arms.... either that or I WILL be swimming in a scuba suit with sleeves. DH tells me to get over it, it's not that bad... IS HE NUTS?! I know for damn sure he won't be disrobing at the pool EITHER!! His arms look fine- doesn't have the droopage that I have... but his man-boobs on the side are getting wrinkled and saggy, At least we match, right? I am just afraid that anyone who doesn't know better will think I have some sort of deformity issues going on! *Do you notice yourself looking at other people and thinking "Wait, I can tell she/he lost a lot of weight..." Because you *can really see it - when you've been there yourself... I see other people - and I'm like "She's got what I have!" And I feel better... It's not those kinda people I worry about- cuz we can relate to each other having BTDT - it's those who don't understand why I have stretch marks/droopy skin all over my body and I'm a size 8. Anyway- Today- B- EAS Carb Control Bar - Cookies & Cream S- Coffee/cream/= Beth 'How puzzling all these changes are,' said Alice. 'I'm never sure what I am going to be from one minute to another. However, I've got back to my right size: the next thing is to get into that beautiful garden.' HW- 313 SW- 298 CW- 144 GW- 130 http://meltingmama.blogspot.com/

Well, I broke the 190's!!! I saw 188.0 this morning on my scale!!! I was in disbelief and made the fatal scale mistake and stepped on again....190.1, HUH??? I am sticking with the 188 as I saw that ever so briefly this weekend! Anyway... B - super duper shake - 44 g protein S - Cheese stick & couple crackers L - egg salad sandwhich S - ? D - super duper shake - 44 g protein working on my crystal lite!! Did 45 min walk with poochie this morning. Supposed to be raining when I get home, so it will be 15-30 min walk, depending on how hard its raining and then a bath for the dog (hate that wet dog smell!!!)

Its 1:00pm. Just finished lunch. Already thinking about pm snack. Still working on my crystal lite. I CAN DO IT.

Well, its 2:47 and my daily nausea is back! Only 1/2 way through my crystal lite. Tried to have a little tuna....didn't help. Gonna hit the altoids. This sucks.

Its 4pm. My work day is done. I'm going straight home and make my protein shake!!!!

Also stepped on the scale,,,,, been doing this every day. ... Was stuck at 153 WTH !!!... I figure, as long as I stay under 155 before next Fri (Surg) I'll be ok. So....... this morning, I grabbed two containers of carb countdown yogurt. 6oz, one for brk & one for lunch... with water in between. I know I have to get this eating between meals under control. So, if I limit my food @ work, that should work, right??? he he he.... Coffe/creamer/24oz B: water so far

For a bathing suit try QVC. They had some nice ones that have alot of control. Not sure about the thigh coverage though. Of course, You probably have the issue of what the heck size to I order. At least I do!! It's worth a shot to look. Dawn

16 oz water B- 1/2 c cottage cheese, 1/2 c. strawberries (yummy!) S1 - 1 bag soy crisp mint fudge = 2 servings. I will never buy these again. You only get 5 mini soy crisps with chocolate drizzled on them for 2 gr. protien and 60 calories per serving. They are way to tempting and not satisfying. I am going back to the bbq soy crisps. L - 1/2 can tuna, 1 oz. feta, 1 c. spinach leaves, 1.5 T. LF dressing 1/4 c. hummus, 1/2 pita 16 oz water Another 16 oz water by 5. 1 mile walk to my car another 16 oz water on my drive home. As soon as I get home a sprint to the bathroom. D - I have no idea. Maybe chicken on the grill. It is 60 degrees here and sunny! I went for a walk at lunchtime. It's beautiful. For those of you in the south, 60 is a heatwave for us up north this time of year!

Feeling blech today...got support meeting tonight...hopefully that will perk me up. Actually started the day with a couple of crackers with ham and cheese...apparently all the talk of nausea rubbed off...no sooner than I got them down...I realized they were on their way back up So had breakfast a bit late for me around 9:00 B = Carb Control Smoothie - Berries 'n Creme L = Two ground beef tacos...yes, I did eat the shells. S = 1/2c refried beans D = probably just 3/4c hamburger gravy However, it does look like the scale moved today...I went to see a new gyn doctor...had to talk about the hot flashes, possibilities of getting pregnant...etc. Basically I am in a wait and see mode...two more months of pills and then re-evaluate. 343/330/244/180 - for PS

Adding- L- 1 scoop VPX Zero Carb Protein 24 oz crystal light orange S- 2 oz beef jerky Iced coffee/cream/= D- 2.4 oz Premier Nutrition Protein Eight Bar - Cookies & Cream (30G protein) S- 24 oz crystal light orange 1 low carb cookie (gag - dump!) 759 cals 22 fat 54 carbs (around 20 net carbs) 94 protein -Beth