D-i-v-o-r-c-e.

Thanks, Mechelle, and everyone.... It's just like I feel like I'm treading water here, and getting nowhere... I applied to go back to college, but I haven't heard back from them, and I doubt I'll get into the program. Even if I did, in reality I couldn't attend. I'm one of those people who needs to work outside of the house. I have very little patience, and cannot stand being stuck at home with the kids. I can do it, and I have been doing it for years now, but I don't want to, KWIM? I've been basically a full-time mom since I was 18 years old... and I'm 26 now and itchy as hell to do something. DH doesn't really "get" that. When I mentioned signing up for school, he asked "And how do I pay for THAT?" Then, "Who's going to watch the kids?" I applied anyways, without his approval and figured that I'd cross that bridge as it came... If we had more money, it wouldn't be an issue, I could BE an at-home mom, because I could have money to DO things with the kids and not be stuck in the house all the time. He tries hard, he even just took on a part-time job in addition to his full-time job, but even that can be more stressful, because then I'm left at home alone MORE, and have less time to get out of the house. It makes more sense for him to work a part time job than for me to do it, because he doesn't get home most nights until 8pm anyways- and what am I going to do that late? Anyways, ranting again... Thanks for bearing with me... -beth

Alright, chickie, what is it with us women this week? Seems like most of us are having issues with our relationships, that are becoming quite serious. I am on the verge of separation, but am so confused right now, I don't know which way to turn. As for schooling, if you can qualify for loans and such, apply to Baker College Online. I am pursuing my BBA, and have taken every lick of it online. I have students in my class from all over, all the way to Alaska. I was in the same boat as you, and decided I needed a degree. I sometimes worry I am getting bored, now that I am thin. Nothing is the same anymore, and I want the excitement. DH doesn't want to work, and I almost think part of that is the control issue. KWIM? I dunno, it is a very frustrating place to be. I love my kids dearly, and swore I would never be divorced, but when is enough, enough? I am so unhappy, but don't know if it's a temporary deal. Let's create a commune where the April 2004 WLS folks can live without annoying spouses . No sugar allowed, no negativity, just lotsa support and understanding.

{{{Erin}}} To tell the honest truth, if DH wasn't also post-op, I think we'd be split up right now. Why? Because I'm afraid he would have dug himself deeper into bad behaviors and gotten more detached from me. He's more into me now than ever, but it's the obvious reasons, you know?? (And, likewise for me, since the physical stuff is *ahem* easy now?!) It's the *other* stuff that's driving me nuts, and I don't want to take it anymore, and he's quickly learning this. I know he realizes that the door isn't always going to be open and I will break it off if I have to. It's not like I worry about finding someone again at this point, that would be the easy part. It's that I don't WANT to!! So, it's gotta get BETTER! ::breaks out in r-e-s-p-e-c-t:: ::packing my sh*t and moving to your commune:: -beth 313/298/149/130

Wow! I've been off the board this week and I missed this post. Sorry about the belated response. Sounds like you are feeling stuck. Wish I had some advice for you. but here's a cyber (((((hug))))). I lived with a dad that totally controlled us with money. I swore I would never go vrom "one cage to another". So I started my career long before thinking of getting married. I had already been working for 10 years before I got married. But I never planned on being a working mom. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but If you have the luxury to staying home...take it. That's how I feel anyway (funny how the grass is always greener huh?) When I got pregnant, though we were married over a year, it was a total surprise. I didn't have time to plan things out to get to stay home with my first. When I had my second child. I had worked out with my boss to work 4 days / 2 from home and 2 in the office. She pulled the rug out from under me in my 7th pregger month. I was devistated. Its not like I could start interviewing for another job. When my son was 1-1/2 I just couldn't stand leaving him anymore. We were paying so mu*****hild care, preschools, house keepers, etc. So I finally (after the threat of divorce from both of us) convinced my husband to give me working part time a try. So for the last 3 years I have been working 16-24 hours a week, just for play and grocery money. I lucked out two years ago when I got to start working from home. so I work in the early AM before the kids get up. Its not easy, but so worth it. But after making my own money for so long, it was really hard for me to ask for money. Especially since my husband had once said, "I didn't sign up to support a lot of people when we got married." So I devised a budget. 1)my husband and I have separate checking accounts and charge cards (don't want to lose my ability to get credit on my own if i need to). 2)My husband auto transfers a certain amount to my account each month. This keeps me from having to ask him for money each week. Plus I don't have to explain how I am spending money. I just refer him to the budget. This has really helped us keep the money fights in check. Anyway, sorry for rambling, but I would kill to be a SAHM! I wish you well on your endeavor for financial independance! Hugs, Rachel

Thank you Rachel! The thing with the money is, and this is so silly, but it's true... if I wanted a separate account for myself, I'd have to go to another bank, I think... He's a bank branch manager, and has complete access all the time to all accounts, even if it was just in my name. So, I'd need it elsewhere. Perhaps I'll suggest that to him, setting up an direct deposit into an account in another bank.. if I use it, I use it, otherwise, I guess we'd be saving anyways, right? Even if he means well, (and I know he does) it comes off as controlling and selfish. b e t h 'For I was never so small as this before...,' thought Alice. 313/298/149-151/130