Me, woman, attention for either...

SIGH..I have a dilemma I am hoping y'all can help with.... In the last month or so, I am noticing attention from wo/men. Attention that Iam liking a bit too much!!! I am sooo attracted to some, but I am married. I don't know if it is a thing that OMG I can't believe people think I'm attractive, or did I marry the wrong person, did I settle bc I eas honkin huge, or what. Is anyone reallly confused about things of this nature as well, or am I the only one? SIGH...what am I doing? I usd to be invisible, but now I have a neon sigh on my forehead....LOL Janice

Oh Janice, The attention is strange and a bit overwhelming. Only you know if you settled. Only you know if you married the right person. I'm more confused about all the changes the weight loss has brought to my relationship - than by the newfound "psudeo-celebrity" status my thinness seems to give me. It boggles the mind how anyone could have missed a 400lb woman. . .but now at half the size doors magically fly open when I walk towards them, and men's tongues waggle as I walk past. . .its almost a bit gross sometimes. *SIGH* At least we have each other to go through this with. Love you sexxy, ~Lara

Thanks Ms. Lara... I am so glad we have this group of great folks to talk to at times like these. I know now I didn't settle. We have been together for about 10 yrs, have 2 beautiful kids, good friends, and a good life. I am just confused. I keep blaming myself for things that keep happening, the attraction others take to me. Things like this never happened when I was large. Now, I get hit on quite frequently by men, women, everyone. IF it ever happened before, they always wanted something. Now, they still want something, but it is not what it was before..ya know what I mean??? However, DAMN!!! these fine people who come waltzing in and out are driving me insane!!!! Janice

Janice, With your personality and sense of humor it isn't at all surprising that you have all sorts of people approaching you day and night. Isn't it fun! Enjoy the attention. I know how tough it is to adjust, sometimes I want to look over my shoulders to see if they are looking/talking to someone else - LOL. My mom and I call it the "Hot Girl" thing. It's amazing how much helpful people in general and men in particular are. Now at the Lowe's store I don't have to beg for assistance loading my car or wait for a half hour for someone to show up. Last week a man immediately offered to help me by putting the 5 gallon container into my car - it turned out that he was an employee but wasn't on shift yet! That would have never happened before. A couple of weeks ago the guy at Costco came and whispered to me that he was opening a line and that I could go first. Just a little smile gets much better results than before! Sometimes I'm tempted to be angry that people weren't as nice to me before WLS but it's a fact of life that attractive people are treated better by others and I have to thank God and my surgeon that now I'm considered one of the attractive people. I really feel for our MO brothers and sisters though and want to shout from the rooftops how wonderful this surgery can be for your life. Aylene 278.8/170/150ish

I personally think the reason a lot of us became morrbidly obese in the first place was so that we didnt have to deal with our feelings of sexuality and intimacy. At this point in the game we no longer have our outlet of eating to hide behind so we have to openly deal with the feelings we have. This can be overwhelming and terribly confusing. If it is truly giving you cause to feel this way and you feel you cant dtermine what you need alone then ask a therapist. You are not alone in your feelings by any stretch of the imagination but you do owe it to yourself to find the true answers. Discussing things with your signifivant other could also be helpful, maybe your current relationship justs needs a little polishing. Be good to you.. Annette

I agree totally. When I was large, I was safe. No one would tempt me, lure me, or wisk me off my feet...except my hubby. Now, I am open. No big butt to hide behind. No more frumpy clothes to hide all of the insecurities. My dh and I had a long talk last night, which helped, but thoughts are still in the back of my mind...what if??? I think I am going to plan a date...after all, the kiddos grandma will be in town next week...can you say babysitter??? LOL Watch out! Hee Hee Janice

It's your new-found confidence... you're automatically more attractive. When we're morbidly obese, we avoid a lot of what we would do now... eye contact, dressing cute, etc....... Doesn't it feel good? I understand how it can cause issues, though.... it's a bit different here 'cuz DH is also post-op, but we're still having issues too! ((hugs)) -Beth 313/298/156/130 & DH by default: 340/221/175

There is a big issue, tho...someone who I have inmy mind, *****turns the feeling is a post op as well. we have common ground, so it makes it sooo hard... J

Oh.... I've heard this is VERY common. I've also heard there are guys (guys don't read this... :-x)who will go to support groups just for the fact there are lots of post-op gals who are vulnerable and really open to the new attention, KWIM? It's good and bad all around.... I bet you never thought things like this would ever be an issue... I TOTALLY understand..... -beth

HMMM...I think what you are going through is extremely common. So many of my friends are going through the same thing. A couple have already divorced over it. Wish I had some advice for you. I was thin when I got married and have one hunk of a husband who has stuck with me and is sooo happy with my weightloss. Yes...do I know I'm lucky! But I can relate to the attention from wo/men! And I love it...I'm a painful flirt! But that's as far as it would go for me...liken' my hubby too much to go any further! Wishing you well girl! Rachel