Love On the Rocks

Hi there, Anyone else having problems in their relationship? We've been sailing along now for 7 months, dealing with the various slings and arrows of life, when suddenly . . .I get close to her weight. Now everything i****ting the skids. Ultimately, while I am very upset that I may end up losing a relationship over this (one that has been very wonderful and fullfilling) I am still not sorry that I have chosen this path of taking care of myself. I am hopeful that she's going to get over her jealousy sometime very soon. But as it is her problem, all I can do right now is be patient. I'm not going to run from this relationship, but I'm not going to take any of her crap either. ("Hugging you hurts now that you're so boney." "When you dress like that you look like a hooker." "No, those shirts aren't baggy you're just being over anxious to be smaller" - this last one only happened when it was her sized clothing that it is time to put on - etc. . . .) I'm done with nasty commentary! I'm working with my therapist, I'm talking to my friends. Either she's going to come around or she won't, but in the interest of being honest on my journey, I wanted to share my struggle to find out if anyone else out there is going through this. I wish you all the best, ~Lara

My best friend just keeps making coments. The one that was the worst for me was "I will now being playing the part of the fat friend" She has in the last year put on some weight. I would never say anything to discourge her. But she is not taking my weight loss well. We have been best friends for 20 years. Thick and Thin for both of us! Hope it will get better for both of us and our friends. Trina

Lara, have you tried talking to her to see why she's so insecure? My husband has a problem with me losing weight cause he thinks I will now look for someone else now that my body is shrinking. He doesn't understand that my heart hasn't shrunk and my love for him remains the same. We really can't do a whole lot about others insecurity since we still have our own, but maybe if we ask questions we can help them so we can continue with our progress. And move on. Our health is very importantas well as our own happiness. Sorry for rambling Rebecca

She's insecure because now I am really close to her weight. Now suddenly she sees herself as having a weight problem. She's not worried about me cheating - I never have, I never will (that's not a judgement, more just a personal mission) Thanks for your support. Sorry to hear about you're problems too. It is good to remind him that your love is just as strong - if anything its got to be easier to express it now. Thanks for taking the time and putting yourself out there with me. I appreciate your support! I wish you the best! ~Lara

I hope it does get better for both of us Trina! Thanks for sharing your struggle with me. It helps me to know I'm not alone in experiencing this. It just seems like such a waste of a good relationship to have it thrown away on this. You know? Wishing you the best, ~Lara

::Update:: I talked with her tonight - she called me. We sorted through some miscommunications and some misunderstandings. I urged her to start talking with someone about what she's going through and offered her the resources I have to help. She really listened to me, and ultimately the decision is her's to make regarding that. After talking through the tough stuff, we were able to relax and giggle together again. By the end of the conversation I remembered exactly why I'm standing beside this person - beautiful and flawed. It's not a perfect arrangement, but I have hope again. And she's worth it! (I was beginning to worry - I'd been waiting all day for a sign) This surgery thing changes you so much, and it impacts those around you so much. I would do it again in a HEARTBEAT - but man alive - any ***** who wants to give me the "easy way out" speech anytime soon. . .well pity them :wink: I am incredibly grateful for your love and compassion, ~Lara

Hi Lara, Gee that's a tough one. You expect a loved one to be there for you...your biggest cheerleader. I just got my first 'don't get too skinny' comment from someone the other day. They way she looked me up and down while she said it really surprised me. I hope things work out for the both of you. Rachel

awww Lara.. i hope things settle out soon, hopefully she is just going thru a lil tough time right now and will relax a bit once the "shock" is overwith... while i havent noticed my boyfriend having any complaints (he's thrilled i'm wearing skirts and cute little outfits now). a few of my girlfriends, who i battled weight with for YEARS are now acting a lil different, i no longer hear how they are doing on their "diets" or the daily struggles we all used to chat about, i guess i'm not a part of that anymore... i'm just going with it and not talking about it much. One of my girlfriends who lost 100 lbs with diet and exercise is now gaining it back and she seems REAL bitter. she even sent me pictures of a woman who had WLS and gained about 70% of her weight back.. like i needed to see that!!! i didnt know what to say!! keep your head up and that smile on your face, it'll all work out ~Kim

Lara, I would like to share something with you that another OH member told me once that helps with WLS and relationship issues: "We all have serious baggage around our weight issues, and we are able to unpack it physically much more quickly than mentally. And while we are trying to unpack, others may be inadvertently stuffing our suitcases ." ........ thanks Donna Brinkman Sometimes others just can not handle our successes due to jealousy or insecurity or feeling threatened, etc. It is difficult to let it roll off our back when it is someone we care deeply about. I'm sorry you are going through this but keep your chin up, she'll either realize what she is doing and come around or you will have discovered the depth of her love isn't what you had thought. I have a feeling it will be the former. Hang in there! Ronda

Thank you Ronda! I appreciate your kindness! ~Lara