PLEASE HELP!

Hi All: First, I want to wish all the women a Happy Mother's DAY! Now, to the hard part: I've been feeling pretty blue for the last couple of days. At first, I thought it was the whether, or maybe even post-surgical depression brought on by anesthesia. Now, I think I know what my problem is, and I need some help "fixing" it: Since I've had surgery, I haven't been hungry. In fact, at any given moment in the course of a day, I feel as if I'd just stepped away from a Thanksgiving Day dinner! I eat/drink just because I know that failing to do so will result in ill health. At first, I thanked GOD for this (I know how many WLS patients struggle with hunger), and hoped that it would mean a quick, successful journey to goal. Now, I'm almost miserable about it. The problem: All my life I've associated the feeling of fullness (actually, overfilled or STUFFED) with guilt. I'm sure that at least some of you can relate to this. The large portions or binging that leave you feeling miserable, bloated, depressed, and worst of all: GUILTY! Guilty for having fallen of the wagon, for having consumed so much that your body metabolism shuts down (and goes to sleep). Guilty that you've just sabotaged another attempt at weight loss. Funny (ironic) that the food medicates, soothes, and numbs everything as its going down. Then, as soon as the last bite is swallowed, we are ENGULFED with guilt. Guilt so thick that I would choke. Well, now, I feel FULL, STUFFED, and OVERSTUFFED all the time! Even a warm cup of tea leaves me and my pouch begging for mercy. Protein shakes stay "with me" for hours. Ordinarily, that would be a GOOD thing, right? WRONG. Apparently, I haven't learned NOT to associate that over-full feeling with GUILT. I feel guilty for even a simple glass of Crystal Lite! I'm miserable after a yogurt! How can I stop feeling this way? How can I "get over" the guilty's? And, the worst part is, even though I'm not interested in food, this constant "full" feeling makes me THINK about food, and thus leaves me feeling guilty all the same! For instance; yesterday, I had a cup of coffee and 1 oz of low fat cheese for breakfast. I was stuffed to the point of misery, and could not eat or drink anything else for the rest of the day! I know that eating patterns like that will slow and/or hinder my weight loss. Yet, I cannot "force" myself to eat or drink. Granted, I don't feel ill or even nauseous, but the thought of taking another bite/sip always sends me "to the edge" of wanting to vomit. Yet, I CAN consume my daily water/shakes/nutrition supplements; however, it is SUCH an effort to do so. I know I'm not eating too quickly or too much - I think this is mostly "in my head". Will this ever go away? I know they operated on my stomach and NOT my head; but how do I shake this GUILT? How do I reconcile that this "full" feeling is NOT something to be ashamed of? I know this all may sound bizzare, but its a very real thing for me. I know SOMEONE out there MUST have experienced the same thing!? Any suggestions in helping me overcome this would be GREATLY appreciated. Staci 4/26/04 238/219/135ish

Hi Staci, Guilt is a feeling that we are very familiar with. It's been with some of us possibly since childhood. Because of guilt we used to eat in hiding, isolate ourselves from family and friends. I believe it's darn difficult to get rid of these feelings so soon, even if we are doing the right thing. My sister and I had the surgery two weeks apart from each other and we have each other to talk about what we both go through. We talk about these guilty feelings and realize that we are just afraid to go back to what we once were. I have felt guilty simply because I am able to enjoy a tasty and healthy meal. If it tastes too good, then it's too good to be true and I must be doing something wrong. But I always refer to my diet plan and then realize that what I am eating is in the plan and that I am not doing anything wrong. I am for once sticking to the plan, and besides if I don't, I will not only feel guilty but sick. I believe that this "guilty" phase is phasing out slowly. I just take it one day at a time. I do experience other feelings and/or symptoms. For example, I don't recognize when I am full, if I had enough to eat. I never did. I only knew what being stuffed was. So I find it difficult to know when to feel full. I just weight my food (count my proteins), eat the proteins first, and I make sure I leave some food on my plate, especially carbs. I am too afraid to vomit, but especially to stretch my pouch. Like you, the thought of eating sometimes gives me nausea. I, too, fear that I am not eating enough food, and sometimes that I may be eating too much, but I listen to my body. My energy level is getting better, my hair is not falling out, I don't vomit, I am not in any kind of pain. I must be doing something right. I think this is all part of the process. What does work for me is that I talk to my bariatric counselor where I had the surgery. I get the help directly from the experts. I advise you to find someone who is knowledgeable in the area to talk to and keep sharing your feelings online. I am also having a problem in that I don't feel very hungry. But maybe NOT feeling "very hungry" is not a problem. I just feel hungry at times and maybe this is how it's supposed to be. Before surgery I was used to feeling hungry all the time and having some space left in my stomach for more and more food!! So I plan my meals for the day, making sure I eat what's most important, what's in my diet plan, to improve and maintain my health. So I try to eat even if I am not hungry. I eat the minimum of what I am supposed to eat (2 to 3 oz of protein) five times a day, have my dietary supplements. One thing I never did was the protein drinks. I could not get used to the taste, but now I am at a different step in my diet and I am able to have at least half of a protein bar a day. I also eat peanut butter at times. Again, I always talk to experts or others who have had the surgery, like my sister. Staci, like you said, we had stomach surgery, not brain surgery. I believe that our bodies will train our brains and these will eventually work in harmony. In the meantime, we have to make an effort to eat healthy and exercise. I hope this helps. Dama

Hi Staci, Hang in there. I think you are experiencing something normal. I lived my whole life never knowing when to stop eating. I ate until I was stuffed and then I felt bad. When I get upset I want to eat. All these things are different now. My Dr. makes us visit a phsychologist before surgery. But when I attempted to explain my concerns over the big changes with long relationship with food she didn't really want to get into that. We only met for like 1/2 hr anyway. Okay well. My suggestion for what it is worth. When you eat have a little speech you say to yourself. I know it sounds silly but I've done this with other things like ciggarettes before. Everytime you eat tell yourself that you are taking care of a new healthy you. It is good that you eat. Feeling full helps you heal and take care of yourself. You are not going to feel guilty for creating a healthy you. I mean you kinda get the idea. You make it the way you want it. But basically you are telling yourself(and yes you really have to tell yourself) that you are making a change for the bettter. Otherwise that voice in your head that has said the same thing over and over again will win. You can't let it. You need to teach it a new language. Be proud of yourself! You made an amazing decision and followed through with it toget a healthier and happier life! I might also suggest you journal. I know I hate to write too. But when I have something strong on my mind it helps me work through it. Also check fr any support groups in your area. They are for just that SUPPORT as you start your new journy. You are not alone. There are tons of us here. I hope I was of some help. I wish you success. Kellie

There is also a hormonal component to this. Hormones are stored in our fat cells when we become obese therefore, as we lose the weight, they are being released. This alone can trigger depression not to mention all the other "baggage" that we all carry around with us. This is a true physiological reason sometimes to the blues. Ask your doc. Good luck, Ronda

Hi Staci I experienced this briefly when I was first banded. But what I did to compensate is that I would have my coffee around 9:00 am then around 11:00 I would then have my breakfast- ¼ cup of tuna of some sort of protein. Seems like little meals work best for me and keep me from having that over stuff feeling. Actually I enjoyed the full experience and can't wait till this Friday to get my first fill so I can have that feeling again. It stops allot of my eating anxieties. Good Luck 4/23/04 257/236/130's