The thought of dying

Today my husband and I were discussing the possibility of me not making it back from surgery. It was OK at first but ended up in both of us crying. Because dying is not something that's in my plans. Leaving him is the last thing in the world I want to do to him. He feels with his spinabifida and other medical problems, he would never find someone to love him as much as I do. Even though we've only been married 4 1/2 years, I feel like I've known him my whole life. We have such a connection. He said he wants to know about the financial stuff because if something happended to me, he would be so devistated he couldn't figure out all that I do. The finances, health insurance, life insurance, disability insurance, medical bills, doctors and medical records, I handle it all. It is a real possiblility I could have complications and die. It's just really hard to talk about. We eventually had to stop because we just kept crying. I told him that I have to have this surgery because I can't go on doing the things I do being in as much pain as I am in. I feel like it's only a matter of time before I fall over with a heart attack. He understands this and sees the pain I'm in. The thought of losing the person that you love more than anything in the whole world. It's just scary.

Roxanne, This surgery is serious, and there is the risk of death. That is also true of any major surgery one has. I guess what I want to say to you is to be aware of the possibilities, but to think positive. I've learned that sometimes if we think of something long enough we make it happen. The only thing I want to make happen is a quick recovery and enjoying the rest of my life as a loser. We're gonna make it honey and it'll be great!

Thanks, I do believe that also. The power of positive thinking is a real thing. I needed that reminder. Thanks

Hi Roxanne, It is true with ANY kind of surgery there is a chance one won't make it. But I want you and your husband to realize that things you do daily have you in a higher risk of death than just this surgery does. (Driving for one) Thank your husband for caring enough to be prepared. The best advice I can give is pray together. Jesus will see you through. Hold onto a nail scarred hand. For we walk by faith not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 I will be praying for you both, Sheila

Hi Roxanne, I want you to know that I feel the same as you. My surgery is scheduled for the 9th. Read my post from yesterday an see what happened to me!! I change my mind daily! I am also sick and tired of being sick and tiired! Like someone stated, I want God to guide me but it's hard not to worry. It's human nature I live in Baltimore also! Is Dr. Vanguri your doctor? If you need to talk, email me.OK? Hugs and prayers, Karen

I did read your post yesterday and couldn't believe it. The nerve of some doctors. They just think they have you over a barrel and can do whatever they want. Don't they realize how emotinal a thing this is to be jerking you around like that with your surgery? I was sick when I read that. No I have Dr. Averbach not Vanguri. So have you decided? I would go with the open and do it in April. I wouldn't wait until August. But, that's 2 cents. I'm sure you'll do what's right for you.

Hi Roxanne, I know exactly how you feel. My surgery is scheduled for April 13 and I am so nervous. I am truly scared of dying. But we have to think postive thoughts like someone said earlier on the board. Pray that God's gives you the strength to get these thoughts of death out of your head. Just focus on how much happier you will be after the surgery. I will pray for you and your husband. Kelly

I understand your fears also. It's just me and my 15 year old daughter and It scares me to think of her being alone. I know she has my Mom and Dad, but I don't want to miss out on the rest of her life - - which is why I decided to have this surgery in the first place (I'm April 16th). I know if I go on at the rate and weight that I am now, I won't be around for much longer. She has been very supportive of my having this surgery. I don't know what I would do without her. God Bless and Good Luck to all!!!!! Katrina

Dying is a real possibility. The risk for gastric bypass is 1/200. I know medically, that is high. But I tell myself that out of 200 patients, I have 199 chance to make it through. I also feel very confident in my surgeon. He has been doing weight loss surgery of some sort since 1977, and has not lost a patient yet. I feel as though I'm in very good hands, and I'm putting my faith into my surgeon and hospital staff to make sure I come out of it ok. I may feel like I've been hit by a MAC truck afterwards, but I know in the end it will be worth it, because if I keep living the way I'm living, I simply won't be living anymore anyway. This surgery isnt' something I jumped into. Its been a long process for me, and I've learned alot along the way. Even knowing the risks, the benefits outweigh those risks for me. My husband is a nervous wreck, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, too. He supports me, because he knows how important this is to me. I'm actually more afraid of the recovery than the actual surgery. But I go back and forth each day-- some days I'm sooooooo excited that my "new life" is about to begin. Other days I'm so scared, and wonder what the heck I'm thinking. I've been told all of these emotions are very normal before surgery. Hang in there! Jill