hey yall-update-havent been on here in over a year

I was reading some of the posts...and I seen how some of yall have gained back some weight....Well I have gained about 20-30 back from my lowest...And I never made it to my goal weight. And now I just found out that Im going to have another child...I am in an unstable relationship with the father...He already has 3 kids and I have 2 already.. I'm 26 yrs old (he's 37)..I love him, but our relationship is constantly on the rocks... I have experienced more depression and self esteem issues since WLS!!!! Isn't that something? I have been suicidal many times in the past year alone. I don't have much family support....I started thinking about it a week or so ago and I think the reason my depression has been worse is because before WLS I had one big flaw in my mind...I was fat...I needed to lose weight..... Well I lost alot but not enough...But now I feel like I have dozens of little flaws..(sagging skin mainly) I want to have skin removed but as a single mother of soon to be 3 kids theres no way I can afford it... I want to have implants put in...My breasts are wrinkled up empy bags of skin. And to beat it all I am still fat....I still can't find the right man...The best man I ever had died a year before I had WLS...My life is in the shambles....I am an assistant manager of a convenient store and it seems like the only think I look forward to everyday is my regular customers...and occasionally guy**** on me...but of course they wouldnt do that if they could see the saggy skin underneath my clothes...My arms have wings...I so envy everyone that walks in my store with a sleeveless shirt...cause thats something so simple that they take for granted that I can't experience... When I am intimate with my boyfriend I am embarrassed about everything but mainly my arms and breasts...My boobs are so soft, like a marshmellow...thats not how they are supposed to be...why did I go from a busting 42DD to a small 38c...it seems like my breasts were they first thing to go...And now Im paranoid that having a kid after WLS is just going to add to my sagging skin...But then again it couldnt stretch out anything further than it has been stretched in the past right? So could it be that bad?.. I have been trying to stay active and trying to lose weight now....cause I am scared of gaining it later.... Does anyone have advice for me? I know I have alot of issues..LOL...and I so need to put more recent pics up.... amanda rny 4-26-04 highest 360 lowest 200 current 228

Hey there, Anyone worthy of you will care far more about what is inside that skin, than how much of it there is. Girl, you did this for a reason - and it was a good one. You've given yourself a chance for a longer healthier life. It is harder to fight depression without the beautifully numbing food that I used to use. I'm back in therapy, and back on antidepressants. Its helping. I'll be saying a little prayer for you. My advice - get back to basics, and girl - KNOW YOUR WORTH! You're the most important woman in the world to 2 little souls, soon to be 3 - love you the way you want your children to love themselves, ~Lara

I agree with Lara. The first man I was intimate with after my weight loss said "tell me the story of your body". It was the sweetest, kindest thing someone could have said. Not at all critical. It's like I'm 44, of course I have flaws. (I call them wrinkles) they tell the story of my life. I would suggest you get some counseling, consider medication. I have been on prozac for years and am also in counseling, I'm also a counselor. Good luck. I will pray for you as well. Dianne