Reframing

Hello my beloved April 2004 crew, I still lurk from time to time hoping to see how my ladies are. How am I? Depends on how I want to think of it. As you read, keep in mind - I'm 6'3" tall Worst possible light: I'm up 30 lbs from my lowest weight. How I'm processing it: I'm about 15 lbs from where I think I want to be. When I got down to my lowest, people were looking at me with fear in their eyes - afraid I was going to waste away to nothing. I think felt best right around 200. I don't like that I'm higher than that right now. But, I'm not upset that no one is asking me if I need it reversed anymore. I know what I would need to do to healthfully remove the offensive 15. Now all I need to decide is if losing is what I really want. I honestly am not sure. I don't want to gain an ounce more - but I may in fact be comfortable right where I am. 198 was my running weight - when I was in intensive training, it was where I had the most lean healthy muscle. The fact that I weigh more than that makes sense to me as I'm not able to be in that kind of intensive training right now. Do you think this means I'm learning how to love myself exactly as I am? With love and blessings to all, ~Lara

Hi Lara ~~ it's so good to see a familiar face again. I also lurk and seldom post on any of the boards. Personally I think it's good that you can feel comfortable in your own skin -- at whatever the scale says. I keep telling myself they are only numbers... You know how you feel and you're also aware that you don't want to go up any further and you know what you need to do in order to accomplish that... Boy that was a mouthful. I'm in a similar situation I'm up about 30-35 lbs from my lowest weight. Have I panicked -- nope. But I also know I don't want to gain anymore. At my lowest all of my "girly" curves were missing and people were telling me I was "too" thin. (I'm still not totally convinced it's possible he he). I'm 5'5" and between 165 and 170 now (size 12 jeans) and I really feel like I'm where I belong. My goal would be into some 10's too and I still work out every day soooooooo we'll see. I feel curvy again and I'm pretty fit so I try not to stress too much about the numbers. We've all come so far in our processes and we need to remember that. There's no such thing as perfect..... and when you're 47 years old like I am I can be pretty happy right where I am. My fiance keeps telling me what a nice butt I have in my jeans.... he must be blind..,.. but I love it. Glad to see you back on the board. Keep us posted on how you're doing.... I always loved reading your posts.... and keep smiling. Janie

Lara! Hey. I'm totally "obese" again. Got to love that. Well, wait, no, it's "overweight," but still, I am not where I want to be. I gained a huge amount with two pregnancies since surgery (lost one pregnancy, have a 3.5 month old added to the family...) And, I went from my very lowest of 147 in July of 2005 to over 205 lbs. pregnant back in October 2006. I'm now 171, still, twenty-thirty lbs. over where I want to be. But, you know what? What-ever. I'll get there. I've just decided that this is life-long. -Beth www.meltingmama.typepad.com

Hi everyone. I'm up about 15 pounds from my lowest of 125, now I hover between 138 and 140. I actually have had numerous people tell me I look better and I honetly do look better because I don't have a much hanging skin. I never had any plastic surgery so the extra weight fills things out. At 125 I was to skinny. Dianne

Lara and everyone Honey it is great to see you and that you are getting back to where you want to be, you have such a great outlook. My lowest weight was about 136-138 and I am maintaining 145. The friends still think I am anorexic and if I could kick this addiction to apple cinnamin rice cakes, I think I could lose the 10 lbs I want. As long as I do not go over 150, I am fine and not too depressed. Went to the high school reunion, #20 in November. Some of my best friends did not recognize me, I kept looking at one of my classmates and asking him if I was HOT. Of course he said, yes. I got so many compliments, and the best one was more of a dirty look that represented ""How dare you look this good." Everyone was more shocked that no longer have my short curly hair but long flowing locks. I had so many people tell me how great I looked. It was refreshing. Love to you all, Keep on lurking. Lori 258 and maintaining 145.