My Mom is Ill - Surgery is Tuesday

Hi. I am scheduled for RNY on Tuesday but my mom is not doing well and I am not sure she is going to live much longer. She hasn't seen a medical doctor in years and does not take care of herself. She has been unable to get over a cold/cough and is now having trouble with swelling feet/ankles and is not well most of the day. She has smoked for 40+ years and has had a bad cough for a long time. I am sure that something is really wrong, but she has refused to see the doctor. I think we finally have her convinced to make an appointment tomorrow, but I don't know if she will do it or go. She is more worried about taking the dog to the vet on Tuesday then my surgery or her own health. I don't know if I should just prepare the surgeon and everyone for a possible cancellation or not say anything or just postpone it under the cir****tances. I am thinking of going up on Friday and taking her myself if she refuses tomorrow. I am supposed to start my liquid diet on Saturday and then have a family party for my son who just turned 6, but this could really make things hard now. Any advice? Sherry

Sherry, I would call the scheduler for your surgeon, just ask if there's an appt the next week.... a lil extra knowledge gives options Maybe not change schedule yet, just ask about availability. As for your mom, I'd encourage her to see an MD, if she continues to refuse, I would not leave her alone (smoking and cough/cold/flu can be life threatening) and I would push for her to go to an ER if she gets overly distressed.... Doc's offices can't help if there's an oxygenation problem. I personally would wait to decide on cancelling/postponing it until Friday... and I'd go take mom myself tommorrow if possible at all.... if she's got a flu/pneumonia on top of COPD (smoking's typical effect on lungs) then she could be in for a very bad weekend. Be careful, my prayers will be with you, and with your mom.

I agree with Kat whole heartedly!! You mother MUST see a doctor! I live with my 80 year old nanny and she is VERY stubborn about things such as this as well...well my sister who has lived down here all of her life (i just recently moved back) will just pick up the phone and threaten to call the ambulance...at which my nanny promptly decides she needs to go and see her doctor. A cough is very serious at an older age and even something as minor as a cough could quickly turn into bronchitis and even more quickly lead to pneumonia! As far as your surgery goes I would do as Kat suggests...find out about the next weeks availability..to put your mind a little at ease. Right now I am sure you are feeling overwhelmed with everything going on...mom ill, child's birthday party, your upcoming REBIRTH....there is a lot going on and doing things and making decision one at a time helps free up brain space and lesson that overwhelming feeling!! Blessings to you! You are in my thoughts and prayers...let us know what you decide. With a smile, Rita

Sherry, I am sorry you are having to go through this extra stress at this time. I do hope that your mother will be ok and goes to the dr. My sister is similar to your mother. She is 47 and has lots of health problems and rarely goes to the doctor. She doesn't go out of the house and I shop for her every week. Last week I rushed over to her house at 10pm at night because I could not get her on the phone and she had been having the flu. When I got over there she was ok and had just not charged her phone. One day I know I will not be so lucky. It's frustrating to have family that won't take care of themselves. Good luck with your surgery. I hope you can still have it on Tuesday. Take care, Wanda

Hi and thanks everyone. My mother made an appointment for this afternoon and should be with the doctor right now. But she said that she is only going to tell the doctor about her cold and ear pain and not her weight or swollen ankles or anything else. She is in complete denial and doesn't want to deal with anything bad. I found out this morning that she weighs 94 pounds - 94 POUNDS! That puts her BMI at 16.1 which is very dangerous. Despite her refusal to tell them anything else, if they are good physicians they will do a complete exam and get to the bottom of the issue and not just skirt the real issue. I understand what you are saying about threatening her with the ambulance or something, but I live an hour from her and I don't drive and can't get to her without help. If i could just drive up there and do everything for her I would, but she also has to agree or they can't treat her. I did try to get my step-dad to take her to the urgent care last night, but he said that she was in the bath tub and wouldn't go with him although he never even asked her. I have spoken to both my brother and step-father about taking her or trying to get her to go since they live with her, but they haven't done anything. My parents have not had a good marriage and don't really talk, so they won't push each other to do anything. My brother is 21 and just started his first real post-graduation job. He has done temporary work and part-time work, but he can't take off his new job now since he just started full time. I thought about calling the clinic where she is at right now, but with HIPPA regulations they couldn't tell me anything and won't talk to me even if I could help them. What else can I do with me being here and her there? Anyway, I'll update when I found out what happened. Sherry

OK. I don't know what idiot doctor my mom went to, but all he did was put her on antibiotics for a sinus infecction. He said that her legs were fine and she should just elevate them especially at night. I don't get doctors any more! Her bloob pressure was high and she weighs 94 lbs. What an idiot!!!