Hey Laura...hope all is well with you....I do pop in sometimes...I did try to revive our Marchers Group...but unfortunately with no success...nice to see you still pop in...

Jannine

A few days after I had reached my 5 year surgiversary date I was wearing a size 16 Then one day around that time I had to be in this movie project a friend was working on. When I got the finished movie I was devastated. I could see the fat I looked like a ball with arms and a head when I was seated and when I stood up I had to pull my clothing from in between the new/old well the now bigger fat rolls. I had not had to do that in years and years and there I was pulling on my shirt to free it from the fat that had trapped it while I was seated. I was disgusted and I could no****ch it no, I did not want to watch any more but like a train wreck I paused the movie and stared at my unrecognizable self and I got angry. I went into Rocky mode put my tennis shoes and some spandex and a tshirt on and started what was an ode to the old workout regimen. I was doing 2 adays 6 days a week. I had to go down a dress size or two and quickly. I did not want to look like this for my sons hockey banquet. I went hard in the paint, extreme determination. And after about 2 and a half to 3 weeks or so I had gone from 216lbs to 189lbs yup and I wore that size 12 dress to my sons banquet. What happened next was not right at all. The meal for the banquet was Texas BBQ. I was going to have a salad but when I got up I just could not stop putting all these different meats on my plate. I could not eat it all and the men at my table were staring at my plate so I did not eat half of what I wanted to . So after the festivities were over I dropped my son off at his friends and went to a bbq joint. They next day I exercised but was so hungry I convinced myself to get a porter house steak for lunch which I grazed on the entire day until it was gone shortly before midnight. By Sunday night early Monday morning I was back up to 198lbs Whaaaaa?? I did not panic I just went back to exercising 40min to 1hr M-F and I recovered a little bit and unfortunately over the last 3 weeks I have not lost a single pound I had not gained any either. Although over the last week I had a tremendous blow to my self esteem( relationship crap sigh…) and I have eaten more unhealthy stuff than I wanted to and skipped a workout or 2 people still say I look smaller than what the scale says I am and I can still fit some of my size 12’s depending on the material and style some are tighter than others. I am still on my journey for the moment to get back into all those awesome size 6 & 8 clothes in my closet. However, I think I will be happy to just get back to a normal BMI and maintain that for me that normal is 159lbs where am I now you ask? 194lbs,… It is never too late to start over,... I am not giving up,.. It's Not over yet! Good Luck On Your Journey's Fellow Marchers and keep on fighting the good fight!!!!!!!!!

Rick I appreciate your honesty about your struggles. We all have them. I just started exercising again in the last couple of days to try and give it another go. Never give up, I know I never will. I have come to love myself too much to succomb. I don't understand why you would leave permanently though. I know that this place isn't what it was. It can't be, it's like we were huddled together in a foxhole going a hugely traumatic event together, we needed eachother and we were here. Now that the danger has passed and we're stepping out to live in the light again  doesn't mean that we don't want to revist the old friends from time to time. See the lurker ahead of me? You don't know who you are touching by posting. For every face that is seen there are many others that are not. We can't expect life to stand still or even make OH a priority because so many other things have stepped to the forefront. Why completely cut the ties though? It stings Rick.  

Well, it's been five years today and I have a mix of emotions. I am still very glad I had the weight loss procedure. It gave me a new lease on life and showed me that there is so much more I can do compared to my previous life. I still feel like there is more life in me then there was before. Before I had the surgery, I felt that I wouldn't have lived another five years without it. Well here I am five years later and I am not only alive, but I am happy and feel that I have a future.

I struggle with my weight every day. I started out following the program to a T, but after the first three years, I really slacked off and then a year ago today my mom passed away and I have to say I gave up. I am not proud of myself, but this is where I am. I hope to get reenergized in the future, but I can't say for sure. I do know that my life was and is better with less weight to carry around.

I also miss the support that this board had to offer. I'm sorry it is gone and I take my share of the blame. I guess life goes on and people move on, so will i.

There are several things I have done right and continue to do so. I take my vitamins and supplements every day. I don't drink when I eat and I drink about a gallon of water every day.

The bad things I find myself doing is eating because I am bored, upset, anxious, celebrating and on and on. Unfortunately just like the "good old days". I don't exercise like I should and I really hate myself for that. I know I can get back on the right track and I know the benefits of doing so, I just need to get started.

Here are my brief stats:

Starting weight: 349

Lowest weight: 178

Current weight: 253 (I really hate seeing that in black and white and I haven't even weighed in a year)

Former shirt size: 5XL

Lowest shirt size: Medium

Current shirt size 1x and 2x

Old pant size: 46

Lowest pant size: 34

Current pant size: 38

Old view of the future: dismal

Current view for the future: hopeful


I guess that pretty much wraps it up for me. I do miss all of you, but I guess I must do as most of you have already done and move on with my life and leave this site behind. Thank you for the friendship and support you have given me in the past. I wish you all well.

Life continues to be great, Rick

Hi Rick! Nice to see you again sweetheart. I've been doing okay for the most part. Going to school which I never could have done 5 years ago, helping at my children's school in the classrooms (also could not have done) and really just enjoying life with my family and friends. I tend to feel like being out around people now more than I used to and love to dance at clubs.Strange to sort of live out my 20s while in my 30s but there is a huge part of life that passed me by. I have rebounded about 40 pounds but have been going back to the gym to try to take control again. As I sit here my sides ACHE from the twisty machine. Have had no complications at all from the surgery other than apparently grinding my teeth while sleeping which has worn them down and weakened them. I think it might have started when I was using the CPAP and had to keep my mouth closed. Anyone else having grinding problems? I am just sickened that I have to get crowns to prevent my teeth from cracking and leading to bigger problems.
Love you all,
Lauren