Never leave that 'till tomorrow which you can do today.....Benjamin Franklin Ole Ben was a pretty smart guy....huh? Don't put off your good choices today to leave it tomorrow. Come on MARCHers - we are so close to getting to our goal...do we really want to wait another day to make good choices when today is here and ready for us to act and react???? I want to meet my total weight loss goal today, but that I know will not happen and it will be in a few tomorrows to come...BUT I can continue on to that goal TODAY....I can make good choices and by golly I am going to do just that today. Will you join me? Will you make the good decisions today? Will you not leave it till tomorrow, or the next day or the next? Do the extras today - and you know what they are - water, exercise, vitamins, protein. Tell me what you will do today and not leave until tomorrow? Hugs to all, Barbara

Caffeine will halt weight loss because it dehydrates you. For every ounce of caffeine you take in, you need 2 oz. of non caff. to make up for it, plus your normal 64 oz. I was addicted to America's Best Protein Bars. I had to go cold turkey to break the addiction. I can't believe how many things can become triggers.

I was able to relate to someone's post I saw today on the main message board. I answered her tonight and after typing it, I thought this is stuff I should be sharing with all of you, here at my home. I do stop every day, and in the night to read your posts. But I haven't been able to respond, I just did not know what to say, how to say I feel like a failure, that I feel lost, and that I'm afraid. That I don't knwo what is happening to me. That its' been easy so far, now it's like a nightmare. I don't want to be this way, I want to be back in control and doing all the right things. Anywyas, here's what I posted to her. ******* Hi, I don't have any suggestions for you because I'm going through the same thing. I have in the past week gained like 5 lbs. I know why, I'm not eating right! Plain and simple. I don't know why I feel like I have to graze all the time. I plan my meals, I pack good things for breakfast, lunch and snacks at work, but I keep eating pretzels, or a few times a week eating a donut, which should make me dump, but it isn't! I seem to feel yucky more on high fats. Up until recently I hadn't really eaten carbs (meaning, bread, pasta etc.) on rare occaison a small nibble. But I have had craving for McD's and have had half of a quarter lb'er with cheese, some fries etc. And bam! 5 lbs are here. The thing is it has all gone to my stomach! I look like I'm pregnant and look like I gained more than5 lbs. I sure feel like it's more. I feel bad for snacking, but I just keep doing it. It's this viscious circle, do bad, do more bad to make yourself feel better, which doesn't work! I feel like I'm going to fail. I've done so well this past 18 months, have been inspiration to so many people, now I just feel like hiding, I don't want to dissapoint anyone. I started school about 4 weeks back and it's been like that since then. I also started smoking again after 6 yrs. I know its all bad for me, but feel I need it. Yes, I guess I'm feeling stress. But how do we get back in control? We know what we are doing wrong, why can't we just change it? I find myself saying the old things, "tomorrow is another day". I'll have this today but won't do it tomorrow. UGH!! Busy is a word for me to as you mentioned. I haven't been to the gym since I started school. I work full time during the day and I need to spend 2 to 3 hours at least each night doing all this homework. I want do do this, get my degree,and I will do it. I just need to find the balance, and make the time for exercise, no excuses. It's the old saying, if you don't make time, you won't find it. I wish you luc****ep thinking if I open up to someone, get it out maybe that will help. I know there are many out there going through the same thing, but I think we all do the same thing. We hide because we are ashamed, we know better, but denial is great isn't it? If people don't see us they can't see us, question us etc. But eventually when I balloon up they'll see me. or maybe they won't becuase I won't go out! I don't want to go back. It scares the heck out of me. But right now I feel helpless, and I think the way Ive felt mostly as of late is lost. That's a good word for it. I have found myself saying to myself, I feel lost. I don't know what that means. But that's how I feel. Hmmm... I saw your post earlier at work today but didnt have time to respond and then saw it tonight. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Again, I can't seem to help myself right now, so I'm sorry I have no help for you. Just an understanding, and a wish for you to get control and get to your goal and be able to stay there. No one said this woulld be easy. Truthfully it has been pretty easy until now, but now it's hard work, harder than any diet, or anything I've done. Now there is this fear packed on top, guilt and feeling lost. Thanks for listening. Good luck to you!! ************* So, back to the present. Why is this happening? Why when everything in my life is so fantastic am I messing it up? I feel that doing the things I'm doing is going to ruin everything! I have the best job in the world. I love it! (or as least most times) i find myself pre-occupied with food and smoking and have moments feeling that work is in the way of keeping me from doing these things. My husband doens't like me smoking but is putting up with it for now. As he says, for now, he feels that its a phase and 'll eventually quit. I sure hope so. I'm ashamed of it. I go out at work for a smoke break and then run to the bathroom, wash my hands good, put on hand cream etc, hoping my boss doesn't smell it. I feel it doesn't present a good image, and many people, other smokers in the office have seen me out there and were surpised that I smoke. I feel it is lowering their respect for me, that I am somehow lowering myself, that I should be setting a good example for the position that i am in. I dont know of any of the executives that smoke. I have been drinking way too much coffee. I smoke and I drink coffee. I get a large in the morning, I hurry out at lunch time to get one, so spend half my lunch hour going to STarbucks, getting coffee and sitting in my car like some criminal smoking there so no one sees me. What is wrong with me? This is insane, I know it, but I keep doing it. Then after work, I stop by on the way home, I just don't want to go home, I want to have coffee and smoke. Now I haven't done any homework for 2 days. Its due tomorrow, I should be doing it right now, and I will, (rush through it so it's done), it's just crazy!! I have the most wonderful husband, I reallly don't know how he puts up with it, but he is. But for how long? Where is this going to lead? I even one day last week denied a friend who wanted to head out with me at lunch for a walk, because all I had in mind was getting coffee and a cigarette,and she doesnt like smoke. She still doesnt know I do. So there I go hiding again. As mentioned in my post, I pack the right foods, and most times I even think what I pack is too much. It's all good. Cottage cheese for breakfast, protein shake, lunch is zucchini and boca burger mostly, then afternoon a lf yogurt, oh and almonds with shake, but then i want to munch while working and end up with pretzels or sun chips. Surpisingly the calories by time I get home is 600 to 700 calories, sometimes 800. I guess that is not bad, that would leave me like 700 if I wanted to do 1500 calories a day. But I keep thinking I should be eating much less. That its' way too many calories. I hate stressing every night packing my lunch. I put stuff in the bag, take it out, count the calories and then say heck with it and just throw it in. I get afraid that if I dont put in those healthy things I plan then I'll be stranded at work with nothing to eat and I'll be antsy. Whatever happened to hardly being able to eat anything? Or even wanting anything? I so want to be back at a tbs of food and being satisfied. Am I even hungry? Heck no. I know that. I'm just eeating to eat. I could eat a bite and be done with it. so why then do I feel like I need more? I wondered last week if maybe I'm having an identity crisis. Even though I am the same, I am not. I feel I am the same person, maybe that's the bad thing. But my life is so much busier. I do things I never did before. Maybe its more pressured than I think. The thing is I want to do all these new things I hadnt done before like working at this great job and loving it, like going to Toastmasters every other week, learning to speak in front of people which will help me in my career, going to all the great events I get to through work, which are things I couldnt normally afford but get perks here and there, going to school to finally get my degree, which work is paying for. I wondered the other day if I was doing this all for nothing. I asked myself am I really this person that everyone thinks I am. They all think Im so great, that I'm going to be sometehing some day. That I am management material and Im getting primed for it. That scares me! I love the thought of it, I'm doing all the work, the studying, the reading, etc etc. But will I really be able to do it? I'm afraid that I wont be able to. That Im just not cut out for it. I've never been this responsible before in my life. When am I going to let everyone down? It has started it seems. Ive been letting myself down, so that only leaves everyone else next. Am I doing it on purpose? Am I trying to find a way out? What if I do become sucessful, become a manager some day. Will I stick with it? or will I just say hell with it and leave everyone hanging because that's just how I am, or how I used to be. Wow is that a lot to think about. Just way too much going on in my head. Too many fears it looks like. Dont know how to deal with them. I have thought of going to our post op support group that is strictlly for this kind of stuff, but I keep putting it off, telling myself that I know all this stuff, theres not anything different the psychologist that runs it can tell me. I just have to do sometingn about it, talking is cheap. Ok, I think that's enough confession for now. I dont know where Im going with this, or whats going to help. Just have wanted to spill it to all of you. I know you are all very supportive. As I siad I do read, I am here, just hiding and ashamed. I'm so afraid Im going to fail and get fat (or let me say get fatter again)( becuase I am fat still). I don't think I'll ever be thin, normal, skinny or whatever. I guess that's ok, if I stay here. But I guess unfortunately I want to be thin, firm, and young. Wake up Ruth! Never gonna happen. Smaller yes, but no firmness and no youth. that is gone. Just seems a waste though to have come this far and never really get there. In a weird way, I feel like I never left 350 lbs. I look in the mirror and am not happy with this size and think whats the difference of the number on the scale if I dont look just right. I look pretty good head on, but turn me sideways and I look like a balloon. Thanks for listening! I'm going to hit send now before I change my mind! I typed this once last week and then didnt do it.

I was feeling kind of weird today...I stepped up on the scale today and it went up and it bothered me more than it usually does...I think I know what the culprits are but I am not sure....I have been craving peanut butter....and it seems like when I am out and about I am relying on ZonePerfect Protein bars to get me thru until I can eat...I think all I ate Saturday was protein bars...I have to snap out of this....I don't know...I do know that I am gonna rely on my fellow Marchers out there to get me into a better mind set...I do have a question does caffine slow down weight loss and if it does what is an ok amount of caffine to have without stopping the weight loss? Jannine 3537/165/157

Hi Stephanie! I don't "get" Shepard's pie either! DH loves it tho. I'm not crazy about "stick to your ribs" food unless I plan to be out plowing the fields later, or whatever you're supposed to do after eating a meal like that! This look really good tho! And sweet potatoes are so healthy! I usually really like RR's recipes. I'll have to try it out and see what dh says! Thanks for the recipes. have a great day.