Does size matter?

Made you look - - - - Do you judge people by their appearance? I would like to say that I don't, but I don't know if that is true. I think if I am honest with myself I used to gravitate towards people that I perceived as being the underdogs in the world. In some ways I feel that I used to be, and in many ways still fit that category. I often feel more comfortable speaking with obese people. I think I understand the difficulties that they are going through in their lives. I think obese people are easier to speak with and most of us have less of an attitude then "normal" sized people. I think as an obese person I tended to shy away from other people in general. It is a terrible thing to admit, but I develop an opinion of people based on how they look. There are many people that I wouldn't approach because they appear to have an attitude of superiority. It may be that I just have an inferiority complex and the real problem lies within me? Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. I have known obese people that seemed to go over board with boisterousness. I haven't felt comfortable around them either. I also think I tried to fit into a "jolly" category. I always made jokes about my size before anyone else had a change to. My challenge and perhaps yours too is to determine where we fit in now? Life is great, Rick

Hummmm....what a thought provoking post. I think I see very obese people now and know what they are experiencing. I hate it when small kids point to very obese people and snicker..."look at the fat woman", or "why is that man so fat?"...those are hard things to hear. Or the little kid that says to his pregnant mommy...."mommy is that lady going to have a baby like you because her stomach is so big?"....I can remember all of those comments and how hurtful it is. When you walk past a group of construction workers and they all snickered and whispered and laughed. Now there is always the possibility they weren't snickering or laughing about me, but my perception was that is exactly what they were doing. So I don't judge people by their appearance at this point in my life because I understand and appreciate their pain. My strongest desire would be to say...have you heard about WLS...but I would NEVER do that. Of course they have heard about it, they would have to be deaf not to have heard about it. But as we all know, it is a decision you must make for yourself. I have always wanted to fit into whichever group I was involved with and perhaps now I do so with a bit more confidence. Just like last week when I had to give a speech in front of 250 veterans...I knew the subject manner just as good when I was 379 pounds, but I sure felt more comfortable giving my speech at my current size and feel like I was respected more for it - even though it would have been the same speech at the heavier weight. I am just glad we fit in with the group of healthy individuals who have no co-morbidities....that has been my greatest fit to date. Thanks for the thought provoking post Rick. Barbara

Barbara, I am sorry if I reminded you of past hurtful memories, but I think it is important to know where we came from. We lived through those things and I would like to think we are better for it. We are more empathetic of others. It seems that a lot of people try to stand out by the way they dress or due to "adornments" on their bodies. I always just wanted to blend in. May be we will have to figure out what it means to be "normal". I shudder at the thought of it. Have a great day, Rick

for I minute I was thinking your post was meant for the Men's board not us Marchers lol very good question indeed! I agree if your honest with yourself you'll get the real answer. Of course we don't want to be ones to judge people especially since we were judged for so long. I remember being at that size I see people at who are struggling to walk from point A to point B and have mixed emotions. Yes, I remember being there, but I did something to correct it before I put my health in jeorpdy longer than I had. Every morning theres a student who looks like hes in his mid 20's and is well over 300 lbs. He arrives 30 minutes before the library opens, sits on the bench and consumes 4 donuts with a large coolata within the 30 minutes before the library opens. It maddens me that people allow themselves to pollute themselves like that, but then I sit back and think... I did that too! I would watch a 2 hour movie and eat a bag of lindt truffles or eat a whole pizza for dinner just because it was there. I guess when you lose weight your sights change. I don't know why, but as months go by being post-op, I find myself learning more about nutrition and finding ways to be more healthy than just losing weight. Sure we consume less calories and eat healthier "most" times, but I see myself researching ways to be healthier all the time instead of just most. As far as gravitating toward a person because of comfort, I can't say I do that as I probably did when I was a pre-op. I'd like to say I treat people equally. I vowed to never turn into one of those bypass patients who lose weight, change their lifestyle and become too uppity for the people who were there during my journey. Someone that works at our clinic said that happened to another worker who had bypass surgery (surprised Barb?? ). She said before her surgery, she would stay in her office and was very shy. Now that shes a post-op (and years out), shes out there and her personality (and hair color/type) change more than the new england weather! So-and-so from the office pointed at me and said "don't you ever get that way"!! what a reality check!

I always like it when I find that I made an instant opionion of someone because of their looks or they way the were dressed and it turns out I was completely wrong. It humbles me and hopefully I find that I have learned from the expierence. I have a nephew that is about 23, he has dreadlocks, wears tie dyed shirts and probably smokes a little of the wacky tobacky, but he is the most kind hearted "kid" I know. I also have a grown daughter that has tatoos, which I don't necessarily agree with, but I'm not the one that will have to live with them for my entire life. We are all different and I must learn to adapt or be more tolerant. I guess it is just part of my "growing up" process. I hope I never finish. Thanks for your comments. Rick

Interesting question. I wish size didn't matter, but I'm afraid it does. I know that colleagues who never even spoke to me now stop by my office to chat. It bothers me some but I figure that I can't control their behavior so I won't even try. I try not to base my opinion of others on their appearance, but I know that I often do. When I see a morbidly obese person, I have such empathy for them. I still hate it when I overhear others talking about someone's size or weight. It makes me angry. Before losing this weight, I just tried to blend into the walls as much as possible. I don't think I do that anymore, but I'm not sure I'm gregarious yet either. Maybe someday! Hugs, Stephanie