Marcher's at goal - reality check

Today's post is not meant to be a downer. I am just curious about others that are at or near your goal, do you feel that you have achieved all that you thought you would? I know that I had hoped that I would be a different person at the end of my journey. In some ways, maybe I am. I had hoped to be more self confidant and I don't feel that I am. I thought I might be willing to try new and exciting or maybe even daring things and I haven't. I have found that I am still me at the end of the day. I guess I always was, but I really thought I would be different somehow. I had hoped for more passion in my marriage, but maybe it is I that need to spark the fire more often? I didn't mean to distract anyone on this journey, but I just wanted to know if any of you have the same feelings? It doesn't mean we can't change. It is possible and it is within each of us to make the changes we desire. The reason for this post is that I think at times we feel that we may have fallen short of what we hoped to achieve, but there is comfort in knowing that we are not alone. So what do you think? Have a great day, Rick

Well, to a certain degree I thought that when I got "skinny" that I would magically be happy. Being a fat child, and being teased daily about it, I quickly identified myself as the "fat girl", and this identity is deep to the core of my being. During my life, whenever things didn't go well, I blamed it on being fat. When a boy didn't like me, it was because I was fat. When I had trouble making friends, it was because I was fat. When I didn't get a job, or a promotion, it must have been because I was fat. Now, I'm a "normal" person with a "fat girl" mentality Its really throwing my blaming system for a loop though, because when things don't go my way, I have to find a new reason for why and I hate to think there may be something ELSE wrong with me... yikes! I guess I might just have to stop being the "victim"... *sigh* I don't know about this... (sarcasm for those who didn't detect my "tone" in my writing). Anyways, I definitely am still lacking confidence in myself. I continue to be hard on myself. I have a lot of work to do in way of confidence and self-loving... but recognizing this is a good thing and I'm trying to learn to love myself. Life is too short to spend any time picking on myself. I'm going to be with me til the end, so liking myself would make life more enjoyable...

Rebecca, I think you put some of the things I feel into words. I guess we can't hide from ourselves. Thanks for sharing. Rick

I feel I have gotten way more than I expected out of this journey. I expected to just get to a healthier weight, but I honestly thought I would only get down to "chubby" IF I WAS LUCKY. I really thought I'd get down to around 170 and stop losing, and I was prepared to be happy with that. I also expected it to be very apparent to the naked eye and strangers that I used to be MO. I NEVER believed or dared to think I'd get even close to my goal weight or be satisfied with my excess skin. --All those years of failed diets I guess had me thinking I could never "win" the fat war. Even now though, I never feel totally free from Fat Prison--just on parole. I also never thought to achieve the level of fitness I have. I had such terrible back problems I thought that was how I was going to have to live the rest of my life--limited, restrained always unable to give any activity 100% and in pain 75% of the time. I had back problems when I was young and thin, so I didn't think "just" losing weight would make a difference. but it has! I've been blessed. You mentioned thinking you'd be a "different person" at the end of this. I think I'm different than some maybe b/c I gained weight after college, I didn't grow up heavy. So my "identity" was a thin person. So I never expected to be a "different person" at the end of this--I just hoped to get to be ME again! So my adjustment has been easy in that I finally got to be the "real me" again--and I'D MISSED HER! I will say this too tho--like you, my expectations to reignite the marriage fires, have fallen a little bit short too. I thought after losing weight we'd be like teenagers again...hasn't happened. But oh well, everything is a work in progress. all the best!

Rebeka, I think you hit the nail on the head. I have always been plump, chubby, obese, morbidly obeses and finally super morbidly obese. I don't have the memory of being thin or even normal sized. I just don't have that picture of myself so it is all new to me. Not a bad thing, just different. Thank you for your reply. Rick