my post from the WLS Grads board

Hey, It's me Kirsten. You may, or may not, remember me....but I'm reaching out and asking for all the support I can get. It's time to get back to basics, and the foundation of that would be support! deep sigh, and..... I've been intending on reaching out for some much needed support for a long time, and have finally, after reading so many other posts of people who have had similar experiences(still working to get to goal, needing to go back to basics, struggling with grazing, or just plain eating right, etc.) decided to do so... I've been lurking on the grads board now for a while, but have been a member of OH for a year and a half. I had my RNY in March of 06. From the get go I was a slow loser. In December of 06 I was put on levothyroxine (synthroid), for hypothyroidism. I was also on Celexa, an anti-depressant from about 02 to just recently. My pcp told me it could be an inhibitor of weight loss. I did some research and sure enough many anti-depressants can make you gain weight and inhibit loss. If I'd only have known...but anyway. I also hold myself and my lack of self-control accountable. I don't eat like I should, to put it simply. So at about 11 months I stopped losing at a loss of about 80 lbs. I've beaten myself up probably more than daily for this. Although I'm tons more active than before WLS I do not get regular vigorous exercise. Early on, right after surgery, I freaked out about someday being skinny. Really! I panicked. This is extremely odd to me as I wasn't obese for my whole life, just the latter years in my adult life thus far. Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecy. Rhetorically asking, do you think I have sabotaged myself? Then I laugh. But really, why is it I've been given this tool, this opportunity, and I haven't taken full advantage of it? My mom had RNY in 99, and lost 100 lbs, and has only gained back about 10. My friend Shari had hers in 01, and did about the same. She would like to lose more as she sits at about 190. I know that neither of them had the guidance that so many of us have had....about the protein and vitamins. I saw how "easily" they lost, while still drinking while they ate, not doing protein supps, eating high carbs....Now neither got to goal, but still lost their 100 lbs. Why haven't I gotten to 100 lbs!? Once again that's unnecessary to answer as I've told you the answer! But I often ask myself why? Why didn't I lose like so many others have....goal weight by six months, or at the latest a year. So why couldn't it be that easy for me? I lost control at about 13 months out. So it's been about 2 now that I just have really needed to pull the reigns back in. I have figured out I do dump, not all the time, but wow I do. Mainly I get the lightheaded feeling, pulse racing, heat flash response. Ugh! I'm reaching out now because I realize I need the support. I've often wanted to just stay away from OH because I've so often gotten frustrated reading when people have great success....which isn't fair because we all deserve support, and praise, etc. We're all in the same boat to some degree. Yes, I know you're not supposed to compare, but hey I'm human....and it's is human nature to compare! A friend told me recently I'm too hard on myself. OK. I guess I am. And if you're reading this, and you've gotten this far please learn from me if you might need some education from someone who's experienced vitamin deficiency. Yep, along with everything else I had stopped taking my vits! I've learned that it's not a good thing. I became severely anemic. But rest assured I'm taking all my vits and then some now. I am taking protein supps once again. Thinking about doing the time out thing. I'm working on drinking in 80 oz water, or CL a day. I'm thinking writing everything I take in would be a good thing to do again. Back to basics. I know this has been long. I needed to get it all out there. Thanks for sticking with me if you've made it through this whole post!

Hi Kirstin, I had a bout with this myself around 11-13 months...I'm here to tell you you CAN get it back! You can regain control and find your way back. It sounds like you're already off to a great start! Just b/c you got a little off track does NOT mean you're doomed to repeat past failures and mistakes, you can turn it around. I went back to basics, got back on track and found my way back. It sounds like you know what you need to do and are prepared to do it. You're so close already. My only advice would be to keep your carbs low (60-100), that curbs your cravings, and find a way to somehow work in regular exercise, it's crucial to long term success and will speed you to your goals! Best of luck to you, I'm rooting for ya! Rebeka

Rebekah, There's been many times I've gone away from OH for extended periods. But I always come back. And that's because of the undying support of people as wonderful as yourself! Thank you! Kirsten

Hey there Kirsten! First of all, I want to commend and thank you for reaching out. It is not easy to get on here and admit when we are not sticking to the plan and the basics. I too have done the same things you talk about. You are not alone!!! For me, sometimes I get tired of being so watchful and careful, counting calories & protein and timing my water drinking with my meals, etc... It can all be exhausting and overwhelming. Part of me thinks "why can I just be normal?" But then I remember that normal is a very relative term. This is normal for ME! I will have to be watchful and careful for the rest of my life, if I want to keep the weight off. I know that I will also need to exercise regularly to stay in control of my eating and keep my metabolism going (especially the older I get). I am okay with that. In fact, I want my life to be like that. I want to be active, I want to eat right as a lifestyle - not just a diet thing. I know that the way I should eat and exercise is what is best for me and will help me to feel my best all the time. Knowing all of that sometimes isn't enough to motivate me to do right all the time. We all "fall off the wagon" sometimes. I think it's great that you have realized this and are getting back on the wagon. Better now than after gaining back part or all of what you have lost. Take things one day at a time and if necessary - one meal at a time. My new saying lately is "remember that you are worth all of the effort". It's hard to believe that sometimes. Self sabatoge is easy when you don't believe that you deserve success. I admit that some days I don't whole-heartedly believe it. Last but not least, you should be very proud of your weight loss. 80lbs is fantastic! And you are keeping it off (or so I assume) so I would say that you are quite successful!!! We can all improve because none of us are perfect but don't discredit all you have accomplished simply because you haven't reached your goal. Be nice to yourself - look deep into your eyes and say "I love you!" Find at least one thing to compliment yourself on everyday. And cut down on the self putdowns. I am preaching to myself here too. You can do this Kirsten! Each day is a new and wonderful day with new beginnings and many new opportunities to succeed! I wish you all the best. Keep coming back for support. Hugs, Robin

Robin, I'm having to type through tears, but thank you anyway! I need to print your post and hang it on the fridge, or keep it someplace handy! Your's and a couple of others have hit the mark. Thank you for this! hugs to you too! Kirsten