time to get back on track! ((My rant, come in and kick my butt back into shape))

or get up on the soap box and rant yourself about what you need to do or change!! how many times have I said this in the past month?? I need to get on track!!! Summer is almost here and I feel like I'm falling apart! Last week I gained a pound, this week a half pound. I know its not much, but its so easy for 1 1/2 lbs to turn into 5lbs and so on that I have to nip it in the bud now!! Everything I've said I'll do over the past 2 months has been null and void, its time for me to turn it all around and get focused. I really want to tone up more before the cruise since there wont be plastic surgery before then and my thighs are nasty! we'll be in bathing suits so much on the cruise that I want to be in something that isn't a full body suit and look good! Heres what I need to change: 1.. stop SPENDING so much money.. still haven't done this.. I've shopped more than you can imagine, I'm so hooked on buying clothes its pathetic.. its deffinately become my transfer addiction BF and I are going on a cruise this Sept. for his twin brothers wedding so in January we decided we need to stop spending so much money, put some aside every week so we have a lot to spend on the cruise (the islands, shopping, gambling, food,shopping, disney... um... shopping? ). This past weekend bf surprised me with tickets to the Mets games so we went to NY for the weekend. Needless to say we spent a lot at the game, we went out to eat and spent a lot, went to a lounge Friday night and spent WAY too much, shopped a little of course.. On the way home he tells me he has another surprise.. we're going to vegas for memorial day weekend (big UFC fight) and he already bought the tickets which means another full weekend of spending way too much money GOAL - buy 1 clothing item once a month! 2. EXERCISE... we all hate it (except the select few Marchers that we for their strength and courage ) Yes I'm getting in my walking during the day but its really nothing strenous and it really doesn't feel like much cardio to me. We walk around the block to dunkins, at lunch I'll take a nice 30 minute walk and get the heart pumpin, but thats it.. Its time to add to this!! Maybe another walk when I get home or take the bike out on the trail! I really have no excuse as to why I can't since even on a rainy day I can use the bike or treadmill downstairs in my house! why am I being lazy??? GOAL - add more exercise atleast twice a week to what I'm already doing! 3. PROTEIN!! ever since surgery I've put protein first, but it just isn't enough! I eat more now yes, but my protein count is still high 60's low 70's and it should be closer to 80! I vow to drink a shake every day, but some days I don't. I have TONS of proteins at home in shake form so there's no excuse as to why I'm not drinking them. GOAL - protein shakes atleast 4 days a week and back to journaling on fitday! 4. ALCOHOL AND CAFFEINE.. again, something we shouldn't do but I'm doing both. Alcohol - Weekends we go out, I'll have a drink. At this point, the summer is almost here and there will be tons of bbq's. Last year I was strict on myself with drinking because we were so early out, but now one drink seems to lead to 2 drinks or drinking 1 night turns into both weekend nights.. GOAL - My game plan with this is this sugar free margarita mix that I found online. It taste just like a margarita! Theyre in little packets like crystal light. I'll mix this and drink it even though there wont be a buzz, it wont be plain water! Almost like how people drink alcohol free beer... maybe the taste will curve the want for alcohol in it we'll see!! Caffeine - All week we go to dunkins and I get an iced coffee xtra light which is light cream and full of fat (add that to minimum exercise and wonder why I'm not losing hmmmmm )! I vowed this morning that if don't start drinking iced coffee with extra milk instead of extra cream then there's no more of them! Today is day 1 and I did it. There's not much of a difference so it's something I need to stick to or stop completly! At the support group they said one of the biggest reasons they say no caffeine is because its dehydrating, since I'm getting in so much water, the nutritionist said regular coffee (in moderation obviously) is ok. Moderation for me will be 1 medium iced coffee once a day Monday - Friday. GOAL - no more light cream, milk only!!! Anyone have suggestions, ideas or just want to yell at how much of a slacker I've become!!! feel free to share your difficulties if you want, we're all here for eachother!

This is a tough road we are on now isn't it? I have been in turmoil all week, that is pretty much why I've not been here. I hate to complain, then at other times what can you say? Before I start on my self rant for the week, let me say you are not alone in the clothing thing. I have been buying so much it's not even funny. I keep saying that I need to stop, that I have enough, but sure thing comes another cute outfit. There are so many things I can wear now that I never could, they are so cute! so sexy! So adorable, or whatever. It's insane. I have to have them all!!!! LOL I put on the white pants I took the pic in today because I was thinking I had better wear them before they are too big. I bought them I bet you about one and half months ago and haven't worn them yet. I have more than I could ever wear. I try to stick to things I could wear to work because I spend the majority of my time there. I really only need a few "other" things for the two days that occur called the weekend. LOL Perhaps the shopping will taper off as it gets old. I think we are all pretty much now in that area where we can buy something pretty much anywhere so it's hard not to!! Being this far out things sure are different, harder than I imagined. I suppose you want to feel as I do. I want to feel "normal". I have been struggling this past week with just wanting to live a normal life. To me I guess that is not obsessing 24/7 about what I'm going to eat. WHether I should eat this, or I shouldn't. I feel some days it is driving me crazy. My mind is going all the time telling me that if I want to lose any more weight, or if I want to stay where I am, then I can have this or can't have that. but I want it dammit!!!! LOl I broke down and cried to Dave the other morning and said "I don't want to do this anymore". I remind myself living a "normal" life is what got me to 350 plus pounds at one time. I guess the best way I can describe how I've been feeling is that it feels like I am in DIET HELL. Or call it DIET PURGATORY. It feels like constant torture some days. I've been better overall the past two days, but earlier this week was bad. Does it stop me from eating? No, not really. I make decent choices, sometimes I have the thing I want that I tell myself I shouldnt, or a little of it. But then I feel guilty. Oh QUILTY, that is the other torture lately. The feeling of guilt. Not just guilt if I do have something I know maybe I really shouldn't have had. But he guilt for just eating. UGH!! Is anyone with me on this one??? I can feel guilty at times just because I ate something sensible. I feel guilty because I wanted to eat, or guilty just becvause I'll think of a food. Sometimes thinking of food makes me feel like I've fallen off the wagon and "cheated", then I feel guilty or like I've blown the whole days eating plan. Isn't that insane??? Yes, I think I might need some help for it, but what can anyone do? Isn't it my problem that I have to deal with? I am an intelligent person, I know that's insane, and I know I only thought of the food, but I feel guilty. I'm tire of obessing over calories. I'm always saying, ok I can eat this yogurt its only 60 calories and I had oatmeal this morning it was 150, and let me see that means I have about XXX this many left for the rest of the day. UGH ITS INSANE!!!!!!!!! Am I the only one this tortured???? Stylz, I don't have too many words of wisdom for you. We are all in the same boat (no cruise pun intended lol). But I've been slacking on the gym too. As I've mentioned we are doing lots more walking and Im just active, but I know i need to get my rear there and haven't. I think we need to just start each day new and try to do the best we can that day. Try to cut out one thing, do a little more movement, something anything, not to continue doing the same things. Caffeine, I'm not worrying about, its there, we live with it, its not going away. Ok, Im not giving it up. LOL Need to watch those lattes etc, things with half half, but a lil coffee never hurt anyone, just keep the water going. Good luck! I'm off to read some more posts here, its been a few days, need to catch up.

Ruth, I use to think the same thing about being on a lifetime diet! Everything I ate had to be lowfat, low carb, no white bread, pasta, rice, potatoes and all day I'd think about my meals, made sure when I prepped them they had enough protein, put enough water bottles in the fridge for shakes. I was on fitday.com everyother hour making sure I had enough protein for the day and if I didn't how could I add more to it, etc, etc, etc I would talk to friends or family about it (who hadn't had surgery) and they thought I was I finally broke down and told it all to the nutritionist and her statement... You had this surgery to lose weight, not to become obsessed with protein and calories. we didnt give you teh surgery expecting you to sit home all day and night and count protein. you're human, we want you to live a normal life! I listened to what she said that day and try to put it into perspective, but it is hard. Our normal life before surgery was far from normal, we thought about food and ate and ate and ate, thats why we needed surgery, obviously we don't want to go back to that! I think thats why I started getting regular cream and started drinking coffee on a regular basis because I did it before so why can't I do it now, but theres a difference in eating or drinking it all or in moderation and thats the line we have to find. The "moderation" line to make us normal enough to drink or eat enough where we are full, but not stuffed, knowing in our heads that we didn't go crazy with calories, but did get enough protein. This could be a slippery slope for some, but how about allowing yourself certain things you don't feel are "diet" foods? I tried some of the rice cakes out there and love the apple cinnamon ones, but notice if I have the bag infront of me, I can eat the bag in 2 servings!! I eat them til I feel full and usually thats around the time I start feeling not so great so I started seperating them as soon as I bring the bag home into ziplock snack bags so that I don't over eat! I do that with most snacks because I find myself just wanting to eat them instead of protein! just a suggestion I know what you mean about wearing clothes before they're too big! I just had a conversation with a student I met who had surgery last July, shes lost 110lbs, now that shes in smaller sizes shes out buying all the instyle things (she just turned 21) and said the same thing about clothes. She bought some skirts and tops wore them once and now they're too big. Its the good and bad of our surgery, good we're getting smaller, bad we're spending too much.. (I'll still take the bad and reap the rewards of smaller sizes ) This morning I put a suit on that I bought a few months ago from Macy's. Never worn, I brought the pants to the tailor to have them hemmed (the beauty of being short), put the suit on this morning and the jacket is HUGE on me... My tailor is an old Greek guy who does great hems but he wont touch things like taking in a jacket.. maybe I could find a magician to do that kind of work instead of having it sit in my closet with the tags still on. thanks for being here and being a great support, lets work on it together!

I haven't been on the boards in quite awhile. Work has been really busy so I haven't had much time to read or post. I see that by checking in today that I am NOT alone in my struggles for balance, and doing what is right. I really appreciate your post. I have had my share of struggles too. Maybe not the exact same ones as you but they are still tough to walk through. The biggest thing I am doing is snacking. I know that if I cut out all the snacking I do that I would drop this last 15 lbs in a heartbeat. I am keeping my calorie intake to a decent level to go along with my exercise and so I am not gaining. But I am not losing either. I really want to reach my goal weight before plastics in August. But I literally go to the kitchen 3 or 4 times a night looking and usually finding a snack to eat. Nothing big and not always unhealthy, although often I do choose chocolate or a cookie or a small handful of dry cereal. But those 100 - 150 calories can really add up quickly. And the snacking at work, usually happens when I am really stressed or very tired and struggling to get through the day. I am working on watching the clock and drinking more water if I want to snack. Some days I do good but most days I don't. My exercise is good but not like it was a few weeks ago. I was working out 5x a week minimum with 40 min of cardio, strength training and abs 3x a week. Now I am barely getting in 3x a week, almost not strength training but still keeping up 40 min of intense cardio. I can definitely do better. I want to do better. Exercise really gives me a boost, both physically and mentally. I need to start adding in a walk in the evenings and more abs and strength training at home. I am not really spending a lot on clothes. I do hit the thrift stores and good will a lot. But truth be told, we are buying a house so I am really watching my spending. I want $$ to use for stuff for the house when we move at the end of July. And I get really frustrated with clothes shopping because pants and skirts don't fit right. Although I was quite excited to see that I fit into 14's in dress pants really nicely. Still need altering in the waist because these hips/thighs are so big but I am glad to see that the inches are still coming off. However, I get frustrated when I know others the weight the same as I do, & are the same height, are wearing 8's & 10's. I am working to love my body and curves and trying to accept the fact that I will have to do alterations to the waist of all my clothes. Maybe plastics will help that some. Food is still a crutch for me. I am working with my counselor to find ways for me to not use food to destress or as an emotional boost. It's so hard. My relationship with food still needs worked on and I realized that about a month ago when I stayed up two nights in a row to eat an ice cream drumstick after the family had gone to bed. Not good!!! First of all, ice cream makes me dump hard (combo of sugar and milk) and secondly I do not need to hide the food I eat. I should be making better choices and not be ashamed of what I am eating. So I am seeing my counselor again and hope to work on these issues and "fix" my relationship with food. You have a lot of great goals set for yourself. Take it one day and one task at a time. If at the end of the day you met only one of your goals for that day, that is SUCCESS!! Remember that. Keep it up and we can help each other. Hugs, Robin

OMG! Thank you so much for this post because I am so there! With nearly everything. Thankfully I don't have a problem with caffeine or alcohol but everything yes, yep. I've got a serious problem with clothes shopping and now I'm going shoe crazy. This month I've spent entirely too much money and really put us in a budget crunch. My excuse/rationalization is that summer is coming and I'm 2 or 3 sizes smaller than I was and nothing fits me (Yippee!!). That's no excuse though for spending several hundred dollars on clothing in the past few weeks. *sigh* Like Robin I've got a serious problem with snacking. Pretty much only at work. Fritos, candy bars, Doritios and other sugars. Gahhhh, it's horrible. Thank goodness I haven't put on any weight but I haven't lost any weight in 2 or 3 months. And I'm 194 pounds, sitting about 40 pounds away from goal. And because I'm not doing what I know I should be doing I cannot complain about my lack of weight loss. Exercise. Bleck! Never done it and still don't want to. I know in my head I need too. Need too - especially if I want to get these last 40 or 50 pounds off. I NEED to. I know the right things to do. I how how to do them. I just don't. Today though - I cooked up some turkey breast and sliced it all up. Split it into 3 oz portions and bagged it and put it in the freezer. Yesterday I got some salad, black olives and shredded cheese. That'll be my lunch for the week. And a cup of soup from work. In my desk I've got peanuts and almonds. I've also got protein crips. There is no need for candy or chips. Really, I really need to get back on track. My goals: 1 protein shake in the am, meal replacement Salad with 3oz turkey, cheese, black olives and lite dressing for lunch Dinner...I've got no clue. That's actually one of my worst meals because I don't feel like cooking when I get home from work. I've got work on that Exercise. I need to walk a mile each day. Start slow and build up. In one month's time I'd like to get below 190 so let's say 189 which would be 5 pounds. Man, I wish I could have the surgery again at this weight so I'd just drop it in a few months. LOL Hugs to all of us who are going through this. Tina