So FREAKIN' MAD (long, sorry!)

Ok, so I visit my family today. I saw most of them about a month ago. Haven't changed dramatically in a month. Still wearing a size 14. Maybe dropped 5-10 pounds, not real sure without looking at my food/diet/weight journal. Anyhow, we're sitting at the table eating dinner, and my mom is asking me if the chicken is ok. It's a little dry, but it's ok, I'm still able to eat it, no big deal. So we start talking about the stuff I can eat. I tell her I can eat whatever I want, I choose to eat healthy for the most part. This has become my standard answer when anyone asked me about what I can eat. Yes, sometimes I have stuff that is not good for me. This weekend I had pizza. It was not a whole pizza, not even a 1/4 of pizza, but I was really craving it and ate it. It gets really old, people bringing up my eating habits, and people trying to cater to me when I told everyone in the very beginning, as long as you have some kind of moist protein, I'll be fine. I know they care, it just gets old. Anyway, back to my point. We were talking about it, and my mom and aunt both said, "You don't need to lose anymore weight." Well, I told them that I was not at my goal yet and that I wanted to weigh 150 pounds, so I still have 23 pounds to go. I was quickly told that I would look sick if I lost that much, and I should stop now. So I followed that up with, "It is in my range that for my height, that is a proper weight to now longer be overweight. My doctor said I could still weigh 140 and be ok." So, what do they say? But that's how much we weigh, and you're taller than us? Now, let me get this straight. I'm wearing a size 14 now, can squeeze into a 12, but not comfortably enough to wear for extended periods of time. They are telling me that I shouldn't lose anymore weight because of???? They really didn't have any valid points in my eyes, and it really pissed me off. So, because I'm 5'8", I cannot wear a size 12, 10, 8, (gasp) 6, without looking sick? Well, I bit my tongue. No sense in stirring up drama, wasn't worth my time. I'm all stressed out anyway because I've been having withdrawals all weekend (coming off of Lortab after taking large doses for around four months daily) and didn't take any pain or anxiety medicine today, so I figure, why start anything? So after everyone had left mom's, I was looking in the mirror, and decided, screw it. I told mom that I thought she was crazy saying that I didn't need to lose anymore weight. I'm still considered overweight and until I reach a BMI that is Normal, I'm gonna try, try and try some more. I expect comments from the men in my family, basically because they don't pay any attention, and well, I don't expect a lot out of them anyway. My grandpa said that if I lost anymore weight, I'd blow away. That didn't bother me. Later on, after dinner, it was just him and I and he asked how much more I was gonna lose and I said 23 pounds and I would weigh 150. He then asked how much I weighed now and I told him. He said that's what he weighed, and left it at that. What makes the females in my family think it is perfectly ok for me to weigh what the males in my family weigh (with the exception of my dad who weighs 150 soakin' wet) or more? It is because I've always been the fat person in the family and they want to keep me as their token fat girl? WTF! I honestly don't think they were saying those things to hurt my feelings or **** me off but they did. It's not like I haven't had enough self esteem problems and body image problems before without them saying if I lost much more weight I'd look sick. Funny thing was, I don't recall anyone ever saying to my sister that she looked sick when she was anorexic and was a size 0. Yes, they mentioned that she was thin, but I don't recall anyone ever telling her she looked sick even though she did. So f'kin irritating. If you've read this far, that's for sticking with me. I think I'm through with this. I was gonna try to let it go, but can't. I'm sure once I go to sleep, I'll get over it!!! ~Kim 359/173 (and not done, till I get to...)/150

Kim - you just have to hang in there unfortunately with people like your family. One thing about family - you can't give them away!!!! Perhaps they love you so much they are afraid if you lose anymore you might get sick and they don't want that for you. They probably just care too much about you and are proud of you and don't realize how they are affecting you with things they say. Try not to pay any attention to them - harder said than done...I know! Take care of yourself...hugs, Barbara

Yeah, I can't give them away, nor would I want to. I guess that's what bothers me the most. This was my mother, the person I love more than anyone (except for DH) and my absolute favorite aunt. I guess I just didn't expect it from them. THey have have been very vocal about how proud they are of me, and then all of the sudden I get this? Thank you for your response. Kim

Kim...this is definately a difficult thing for us WLS folks to go thru...I am sort of going thru the same thing...but just with one person in my family my Nana...she always told me you would be beautiful if you would just lose some weight...blah blah blah...well now I have lost 186lbs and for her I am now too skinny...lol....she made comments like she was not even that skinny when she came home from the hospital...yes she is talking about when I was born...lol....I think that when family members say stuff like that they think they are being helpful but also I think they don't know where to go with it...I know that when I was heavier and someone would talk about my weight or mention how I should lose some I would say "oh ya well watch this and just eat out of spite" yes I know that was not a good thing...so now that we are taking care of ourselves and losing the weight they don't know how to approach us....I know it is eaiser said than done...but we need to let these comments roll off our shoulders...and sometimes just agree with what they say to end the conversation....I know I am jumping all over the place here but I do understand the feelings you are feeling...I will keep you and your family in my prayers...keep up the great work... you are doing wonderful.... Jannine 357/178/169

Sorry you are going through it too, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone! You are doing wonderful too! We're nearly at the exact same place!!! Started out about the same weight, about the same weight now and lost the same amount!!! How tall are you? Do you have any skin issues? I'm having a hard time dealing with skin issues, and wondered since it sounds like we're a lot alike if you were dealing with it too. Thanks for responding!! Kim

Kim, My parents recently saw an updated picture of me. They both made comments about me not needing to lose any more weight. I am 20 lbs from goal. I just told them that my doctor wants me to reach a certain BMI./weight and that is what I am working towards. Of course my dad said that doctors and their charts are not good judgements of how much we should weigh. He also said that I look sick. Both of my parents commented about how my face is no longer round. Even as a little kid I had chubby cheeks. I don't really have chubby cheeks anymore. My dad even suggested that I carry around food everywhere I go so that I make sure I am eating enough. I think that because my family hasn't physically seen me in over a year, they don't really get the big picture from the photos. I know my dad would say "turn around, you'll find it." He always said that when I was younger and would share with them that I lost weight. And yes, I still sure have the hips and thighs! I just keep telling myself that I am happy with myself and I am working towards MY goal. Not theirs. It is frustrating to have to "justify" what my goal is but I don't mind too much because I am thinking about my happiness - not theirs. I support you in reaching your goal. And remember...it's YOUR goal, not your mom's or your Aunt's. Hugs, Robin

Thanks so much Robin. It is MY goal, and no one elses. How would they feel if I told them something they wanted their entire life was unattainable or shouldn't be sought after? It's a really crappy thing to do. I don't think they were saying it maliciously, but it still hurt none the less. Congratulations on your success! Kim

Kim, I'm sorry that you experienced this. You are beautiful and it is indeed YOUR goal to set and achieve. I think that's why I don't tell people how much I weigh (except you guys of course!). Though I am far from people telling me to stop! Sometimes people think they are being helpful when in reality, they are being hurtful. I'm sure it comes from a place of love even if it is a little misdirected. You're doing so well! Keep it up! Hugs, Stephanie

Thank you so much for the compliment and the support. It means the world to me! Congratulations on your success! Kim

I get te same comments when I tell people I want to lose 27 more pounds. I get the strange looks or the odd comments like if you lose anymore weight you will look like a crakhead--yep one of my friends said that. or if where are you going to lose 27 pounds from you are already skin and bones--look at all yorbones sticking out????? I just ignore people now. Of someone asks me how much more want to lose or if i want to lose any more weight I always say yesI would like to lose a few more pounds and leave it at that. The skin issue ..it was windy here last friday--if I flapped my arms I could have taken off flying. my stomach does not bother me as much as my arms and big fat thighs. take care