I need to talk (this is long)

Bec, thank you for sharing. I'm so glad you found Mr. Right! I've always told myself and my friends who have tried to bad-mouth this guy that I cannot blame him for not being attracted to big girls. Attraction is so difficult to understand! I don't want people to be angry with me because I'm not attracted to someone. It's been a few years since I've been to therapy, but I called my old therapist today and am going to start going back. I really think I need someone to talk to on a regular basis about how I feel about myself. Only when my self-esteem is healthy will I be able to handle a relationship with anyone...whether it be this man of not. If I do ever meet him I'll let you know! Thank you again for your support. Laura

I totally hear you on being mad...however his question about being in the back of the mind who you should be with to me sounds more like he has realized this himself rather asking you...I think he was telling you he screwed up and now he realizes your weight doesn't matter but it's you the person inside that he is actually drawn too...and he'd be crazy not to. Sometimes men just don't get it and the fact that he didn't blow you off completley and after all these years you guys were still able to remain friends says something about the guy. Ok now the part you probably don't want to hear...if you guys are as close as it sounds you are...you should be able to tell him how he hurt you 3 years ago. Your friendship should withstand it just fine in fact it might even be stronger because everything will be out in the open. If it can't withstand you guys telling each other the truth about your feelings well then that is a dead give away he's the wrong guy for you. I would rather loose a guy before it ever got started then down the road when one of you have packed up and moved across country for the other one. Good luck with whatever you decide to do...I"ll tell ya he's a fool to turn you down...I don't care how much you weigh you are absolutely gorgouse inside and out!!!

Awww sweetie! This is a tough, tough one. My first reaction was to tell you to dump him, wait until you are done losing and are hotter than ever--and then you can have anyone you want!!! But I wanted to think about it overnight before replying.... and I just kept coming back to the same thing....I feel like his feelings for you are "conditional" and love can't be that way. I mean worst case scenario---you get together and God forbid somewhere down the line you gain a little weight--what then? He leaves you b/c of it? Are you setting yourself up for an "I can only love you if _______" type of thing?" What if he keeps changing the criteria you need to fill in order to be loved by him....? KWIM? It's just a bad set up for someone who deserved to be loved for who she is, not what she looks like. I kept trying to get around it b/c I know you have deep feelings for him and that's not to be discounted, but I just keep coming back to that. IMHO, it's a bad place to start a relationship from. I don't think you should need to get his "approval" before taking this relationship any further. I weighed 125 when I met my dh, I was a size 5--he was quite a bit overweight (60-80#'s). All my friends chided me for dating someone out of shape...we started out as friends, but the more time I spent with him, the more I adored him and I found him beautiful, his weight never bothered me. I saw who he was on the inside and that is precious--I feel that's how this guy should see you. Mind you, after we were married I gained more than 100#'s--and DH NEVER said a word and still called me beautiful everyday. THAT'S love. Not someone who tells you you're not good enough *unless*... I think after he saw your full body shot, based on the connection you had already established, he should have at least given you a shot to find out if he was attracted to you before writing you off. I mean NOW he's willing to give you a shot b/c he's counting on you getting thin soon??? ick. Shallow. I would worry that if you met him, it would be even harder to walk away later...if that's what you decide you want. I wish you luck, I'm sure you will decide what's best for you. Just remember you deserve to be loved for a lot more than just your looks...we all end up old and wrinkly anyway! Please keep us posted on whatever you decide. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you well! Rebeka