Way OT: Advice about a friend's parenting

My best friend, who is really more than a best friend, more like a cheerleader nonjudgemental sister who I met in college and fully hope to be in my life for all eternity.. Anyway, I've babysat her 2 1/2 year old daughter almost since birth while she works. She is a wonderful, loving, attentive mother in all respects *but* all that she gives her to drink is milk. Always. Even in the summer when it's 100 degrees, all day, every day. When I have her dd here, I give her water and watered down Crystal Light and she drinks it like there's no tomorrow. Literally! She'll have 5, 6, 7 good sized cups of it and pees a LOT. I've told my friend that she always seems so thirsty and she loves water and watery drinks (and she's remarked how much her daughter pees after being here), but she just doesn't give her any. She said she tried giving her some water at home a couple of times and she didn't want it so I guess that's it. I don't know what to do! I'm worried about her dehydrating or her poor kidneys working on overtime without getting flushed except when she's here. She's a lot of work but I love having her here just for the peace of mind in knowing that she's hydrated. I've already told her a few times how she loves water here and how it's good for her kidneys but I can't tell her how to raise her child and I don't want something I say to cause a wedge. What should I do?

Thats a tough one. I have found that things my kids do at other houses wont go over with them here. She is used to mommy giving her nothing but milk at home, while at your house you offer variety. So while Im sure your friend does understand where youre coming from, it may be that her daughter wont take it from her at home. Also, milk all the time is really REALLY bad for her teeth. She needs something to wash that liquid from around her teeth. Maybe you could send some of the same things you give her home with her mom and her mom might have more luck getting her to drink them. Milk also has alot of calories and she could be setting her daughter up for adult obesity. Like I said, its tough. On one hand, you dont want a rift in the friendship, on the other you KNOW its not good for only milk all day. Very tough. I hope something works out with it all. Maybe you could sit her down seriously and let her know you ARENT trying to run her life, but from your experience, these things (have a list?) could happen. Hope this helps. Courtney

Thanks Courtney. I know, I'm afraid for her teeth too. I make sure to brush them really well before bedtime and only let her have water afterwards. The first thing she asks for (and gets) when her mom picks her up in the middle of the night though is milk. Argh.

We have had the oposite problem. Micah is 3 1/2 now and he will drink milk at other people's house but not ours. The difference is what they are used to and what they can get away with at different places. In our case our son is more comfortable with us and throwing a fit for juice (mainly apple juice) than he is with other people. What your friend would have to do to break this cycle is very hard to do. We have had to offer Micah milk and nothing else. It takes days of tantrums and him drinking next to nothing. Remember a child will not starve or dehydrate themselves if it is offered. They still have very much like animal instincts. However, they can try and outwait a nervous parent who is worried by them not drinking or eating. If she just puts up with a few days of it she will start drinking the milk. We have to repeat this every so often when he goes to grandmothers or something, but it works. It does give us a headache though! Shana

You know, I never thought about that. Different wants when in different places? Makes sense, I suppose, for a little one to identify tastes with places. Part of the problem is that I don't think she sees the milk as a problem. She's very smart and is a nurse (so she knows the importance of water) but I don't think that it's a priority to her. I remember when my son was 7 months old, we were visiting my mom during the summer. Tommy was so cranky and fussy, especially after going outside for a while but wouldn't drink his formula. My mom told me to give the kid water.. he's thirsty! I felt weird about it because I didn't know if it would hurt him (they stress that over a few ounces of water could really harm a child) and I was so surprised when he sucked it down like crazy! I think that my friend just shifted her focus on dd being sustained by formula to using milk in the same way (though, there really aren't many nutrients there). That's all that I can figure.

I understand how you feel and I totally agree with you... buuuuut you've already expressed your views to your friend and if she chooses not to do as you suggest--you're done. That's all you can do. You and pp are absolutely right about how importan****er is, but (and I say this as a mother,) we don't get to tell other people what to do with their children even if it's in the child's best interest. She's her mother, even if she's wrong about this. Just keep offering the child water etc when she's with you, maybe she will start requesting and at home and mom will get it! Hopefully she will maybe hear this from the child's dentist or dr soon and it will sink in!

You know, that's really why I haven't been more forceful about the issue. You're right, she's not my child and I've made my opinions known. I guess there's not much more that I can do to intervene. It's so strange having someone in my life who I trust completely and can talk to about any super personal thing except for this one *big* issue. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. Thanks Rebeka

You're a good friend to be worried it and her little girl. I hope she comes around somehow!