Thursdays Thoughts...

Good morning, it's a bit earlier than normal. Dave was up and off to work earlier today so that he could come home early and take me to see Clinton Kelly of "What Not To Wear" WOOOOOHOOOO! I'm so excited!! An online friend posted on Sunday to a group I belong to about this event at the local MACY's. It's Clinton Kelly WNTW workshop for plus size ladies / fashion show and then a $500 shopping spree give away. I was right on that puppy! LOL So called on Sunday and got me and my girlfriend in. Then another girl from the group is going, so at least four of us. I'm hoping more called and just didnt post they were going. I love that show. If you've not seen it, its on TLC. I know we get it and watch it alot on Friday nights. So that should be FUN!!! I'm debating if I should do a "WE LOVE YOU CLINTON" type sign or not. LOL I'm sure there will be some. Anyways.... The Thursday thoughts today are on why I am finally under 220. As of today I was 219.8. Hey its good for me! LOL Over the past few days the scale has slowly moved down. From the 222.whatever to finally 220.8, then 220.4, then 220.2 UGH torture huh? But as I said, I would be more disappointed and hurt if I waited weeks to get weighed and find I didnt lose or lost .2 of a lb. So, its been in the 220's for about 4 days now and then this a.m. it read 219.8, I checked like 4 times to be sure it wasn't wrong. LOL So my thoughts are this, why???? When yesterday I ate like a pig, or at least what felt like a pig. I ate all day. I had 3 meals plus one extra ( some chili in the eve ), had my two shakes (though they were 1/2 shakes ) plus munched on rice cakes, had a protein bar, a few chips with salsa. I just ate all day. I just felt destructive, defiant whatever. I even went as far as to drive to the store and buy a pack of cigarettes. I haven't smoked in 5 years. But the past week I've been thinking stupidly I know that I want to smoke so that I don't eat. So I bought them, had one on the way home from the store. Dave is not very happy about this at all. He hates cigarette smoke. But in my opinion sometimes its better to just step back and let a crazed woman do what she's got to do. LOL So I had the one last night that was it. It was ok, wasn't bad, but wasn't good. I almost threw the pack out this a.m. but just couldn't do it. I'm thinking just one more this morning then I will. But also at the same time am afraid that if I just have one more, or just one more after that, then it's going to hook me again. I'm not stupid I know it does, so why am I even trying this? I have felt the past week that I want to smoke so that I don't eat. I want to fill my wanting to eat times with cigarettes, something to do with my hands. I don't want to start smoking again. But back to the weight. I did all wrong things it seems and I lost. I dont' think I've been eating too little calories. BUt maybe a little more "planned" better foods might help. Oh,! and I didnt go to the gym either yesterday. So all bad things = weightloss? I don't think so!!!! LOL But it sure would be nice huh? LOL But I'll get my butt out to the gym this morning. I'm up bright and early so may as well. I think I just needed a little break yesterday, mind and body felt it needed it. Nothing wrong with that. Hope everyone has a good day. Don't do anything by my example as of late. You know what you need to do, so lets do it. Today is a new day. Get in your exercise, your vitamins, protein and water and have a good day!!

Update: I decided to have that one other cigarette this morning with my coffee. Thouht it would taste good. I always loved coffee and a smoke. During the puffing episode, which I was not enjoying at all, I was like this is gross and broke the cigarettes up and threw the rest away. So Im done being stupid. Thanks! P.S. so now Im grossing myself out because I stink! My mouth tastes gross, toothpaste and mouthwash here I come!!

good for you!! MImi

Ruth Ann, Your loss is not due to one day of being bad, rather an accumulation of all the good days you had before it! You just have to wait the stalls out! BTW, a four day stall of the scale not moving is nothing --lol! no offense, but my scale will stick for THREE weeks almost every month! So i know what I'm talking about! Please listen to Barbara, what a sweet post! She makes a lot of good points! I'm glad you threw out those nasty cigs! Have a great day.

I was mentioning the weights because the scale finally did move a bit. I have been on a stall like most of us currently. I have weighed the same since Sep 1st if not before that. I was at 225 Aug 28, then a few days later got to 220, but then at some point to 222 again and it's taken all month to get back to 220. Thanks.

Ruth Ann - I am a bit worried about you!!!! I am glad the scales moved for you because I know that has been bothering you. BUT(T) - picking up a butt is NOT good for you, but of course you know that. I think you might have too much time on your hands!!! I want you to step back - 7 months ago and think how miserable you were - then move forward 7 months and realize just how far you have come. Look at the drastic difference in you - you were gorgeous before, but more gorgeous today. Think how much your body has changed. You surely don't want to go back 7 months ago do you? Think how much healthier you are! I think this period in our journey might be one of the toughest - the initial honeymoon is about over and now we HAVE to get down to hard work in order to stay successful in our journey. We have to plan our meals and have to know this is the way we must become for the rest of our lives -if we want to stay successful. We have to know that we are not going to lose as fast as we did the first 6 months, but we have still been given a wonderful tool to guide us along the way. Sometimes I know this food addiction is just as bad as alcohol or gambling, or whatever vice that is self-destructive. I know I see something sweet (which was my downfall to begin with) and I think - just one bite won't hurt...then I think what is the difference in me and an alcoholic who says just one sip...and then the madness starts all over again. We know that we HAVE to exercise, HAVE to take our vitamins, HAVE to eat the right things, HAVE to drink water...and then - only then -are we going to be successful and STAY successful. I am off my soapbox now and hope I haven't offended you in anyway - it is just I am proud of you and proud of all of us and want us all to be successful. So I am glad you are off to exercise, are going to make wise food choices today and you THREW away those nasty cigarettes! You are our exercise conscience on this board! Again - congratulations on the weight loss....and know we are all here for you and each other. Take care of yourself because YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!!! Hugs for you, Barbara

Hi RuthAnn. Thank you for being so honest. That is not easy. You could very easily have not shared that with us, but you did. Accountability is so important, in probably most aspects of our lives, losing weight, exercising, eating healthy, not smoking, drinking, whatever. We need to be accountable to someone because we let ourselves off the hook way too often. (Which is the reason I couldn't maintain my lost weight over and over and over again.) I am glad that you got rid of the cigarettes. They are not a good vice to go to. I struggle with feeling like I can't stop eating too. Still, I remember how nearly 7 months ago, my food intake was so much greater than it is now. You just had one bad day, or maybe two. It's not a total failure, just a bad spot. You are doing so well. We all are. We have come so far in such a short time. Like Barbara said, think about where you are today compared with where you were 7 months ago. It's a huge change and I think that at times we can be overwhelmed by the changes. I know I am. Sometimes I get scared, wondering where this will take me since it is going to be really new territory for me. Or I fear going back to my old self. I also wonder how much this will all change my personality or if it will change my personality at all. So, give yourself a break. Today is a new day. I haven't lost ANYTHING in two weeks. It is so frustrating. I can only hope that the exercise I am doing is helping me lose inches and that the lbs will catch up very soon. I looked at the scale in morning and told it that I didn't like it. LOL. I am sure that'll make a difference tomorrow. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Robin