Where does it end?

Hi, it's me again. I have some new thoughts to ponder. I was catching up on posts at the main messageboard while having lunch. (Yes, I know, not good to do other things while eating lol) Anyways.. I saw a post, as we see often and it is GREAT! about a woman who went shopping, needed some new jeans and she tried on a size 10. They were too big! So she grabbed an 8 and also a 6. She thought the 6 would never fit, but tried them and sure enough they did! WooHoo dance around! Good for her. But here is where my thoughts went at this point... We've seen these posts, "I'm a size 6, holysh*t!", I can't believe it, I'm into a size 8", etc etc. We can all relate to how exciting that is I thought. But then I wondered... "Where does it end?" I wondered do you have a size, or goal weight/image set in your mind where you want to end up at? Are you trying to attain a particular size? I k now I thought about it for myself and realized that no, I don't have any idea where I want to end up. I guess I will end up wherever I am. I just know that right now my goal is to just keep working away at it to get to the next smaller size, then the next, and the next. But where do I stop? (with the exception of my body saying, hey this is it, you ain't getting to lose anymore). But what if the body doesn't do that. It doesn't stop, will you? Will I? When I get let's say to a size 10, (I'm surely hoping for at least that, why I don't know, just sounds good???) But lets say I'm a size 10. I've gone down, 5x, 4x, 3x, 2x, 1x,Xl, L, M whatever. Is that going to be good enough? Am I going to think that I need to be a size 6? That, that is what success is? That if I want to be "Normal" that I should be a size 6? Does this make any sense? I have just not ever really given it any thought. Maybe it's because I had so far to go. Being in 1X and XL tops now is unreal to me, so guess I never thought of "Normal" sizes like L, M, S. But being in these sizes now, I know I want more, I want to get to the "normal" sizes. But to what degree of "normal"? Thinking of it now, even over halfway there, it seems so far fetched to think I could ever be a "6". I dont know if I want to be a 6. And I feel as this moment the reason I dont want to be is that it's not me. Im having that scarey feeling like I had at 5x thinking of being "normal". It is very overwhelming, not something that seems real, can't comprehend it. But it's quite possible. But again, it's like I don't think it would be me. Now, I don't truly think with all this excess skin I'll have that I'll ever fit into a 6. My sister in law is rail thin. The largest size I've ever seen her is an 8 when she was pregnant, she was for awhile a 6 (and I'll never be that thin!!!! lol) but mostly is a 2 or maybe a 4. and she's 40 now, tall and still freakin thin 3 kids later!! lol So back to I guess my main point, do you think you have a size in mind? Do you say to yourself I want to be an 8? A 6? Come on fess us, have you thought about it? Or can you honestly say that you just want to feel good, have health issues resolved and if that means staying at 200 lbs, or 180 lbs you would truly be fine with that? I know right now at 220 I'm not content to stay here, even though since the time of surgery I have been off diabetic and high BP meds oh and my 3 inhalers. I feel great, I can be active and wear much nicer clothes. But I know I would not be happy if my body said today, that's it, you're done. Could I live with it? Yes, but I think I'd get discouraged and that could have an affect on my eating, my exercise etc and cause weight gain in the end. I don't want that to be where it ends. Oh, so much to think about!!

Hey Ruth I think I honestly focus more on my "number", my goal weight rather than sizes... but the same thoughts can be applied... when/if I get to 170lbs, when does it end? Will 170lbs be enough, will I want to be smaller? I wrote some goals on my profile before I had surgery, and one of them was to fit into a size 12 pair of jeans. I think in my head size 12 is kind of where I pictured myself ending... I am tall, big framed and I know I will never be in those tiny single digit sizes.... but then again who knows? I think I picked size 12, in my head because I visited with my sister in law who had surgery Jan of last year, she was looking great and said she was in size 11 jeans. I thoight, wow she looks amazing, Im taller than her, I bet if I was in a 12 I'd look amazing too. Size 12 jeans, and a L top would probably be ideal for me. As I fit into 16's this weekend, that goal is probably closer than I realize. In all honesty, when I get to that-- I propbably still won't like myself. I just can't see it, my head is screwed up. Darlene 338/216/170

I'm sorry to hear that you don't like yourself. I don't know to what degree you mean that. But if it's a real issue for you, then you should talk to someone about it and work on that. You seem such a beautiful, intelligent young lady and have a lifetime ahead of you. You don't deserve or need to live it with dislike for yourself. We all have moments of self hate/dislike. We just need to determine if it's serious or just the normal whine/self pity thing. I hope you don't feel the same when you get there. We can all tell you how beautiful you are, and how great you seem, but that won't convince you. You have to know it and believe it. I hope you can find that way!! In the meantime, keep up the great work, and keep posting. You add so much to the forum. I don't know if you noticed, but while you were gone it got pretty quiet in here. Everyone so enjoys your recipe posts, the what did you eat posts and everything else you contribute! Take care!

Im sure I could do with some counselling. Money is too tight right now. Im depressed and stressed to the max. Life is great huh? LOL I know Im messed up in the head... I don't see any of the weight loss, just the same super fat teenager that was teased by teenage boys, and never had a boy friend. A lady on the main board posted a picture of her daughter who had WLS, my height and 200lbs... she looked amazing..... I thought to myself, wow I can't wait till Im 200lbs, she looks awesome, I cant wait to look like that--- now Im getting close... it's... oh I won't look like her.... I dunno Im weird.... I think my biggest issue is that I really don't "feel" any different. 122lbs later and I still feel like I did pre-op... I didn't have any major health issues, or medications to get off... I was obese, but still reasonably active... my main reason behind surgery was I want a baby, and weight loss was one of my last resorts. I still feel like the same ole fat person. I dunno.

That's one of the things people need to understand having the surgery. It is not a miracle or a cure for your life. I remember about two years ago on a local plus size group that I belong to and helped plan group events on, this one girl was talking about having the wls and went on about how much her life would be different. She was excited about getting the surgery and commenting that once she had it, she would be so happy and have a life. True, her life would change, there would be many positive things happening. But her post went on and on about how it would make her happy and she'd have a life. She got very upset with me and others when we just tried to caution her that those things may not happen. That just because she was having wls didn't mean she'd be happy or she'd have a life. She needed to have a life now, be happy now for the most part. So yes, even at 100 plus lbs less we can feel the same way we did before. Just because we are smaller does not mean we will let's say... get dates, have more friends, have people be nicer to us, be nicer to ourselves. All those things don't necessarily have to do with ones size. It just makes me sad when I see people post about having the wls with that in their minds. She has since had the surgery and I don't have contact with her, she was just a member who came once or twice to things, but I hope all is great for her. We are all with you here Darlene on feeling the same I think. I was worried as I posted in something else earlier today, how in the past when thinking of having the wls I would get afraid, it was a scarey thought, I was afraid I wouldn't be me anymore. Because my identity was being BIG! I couldnt imagine myself different and it scared me. It didnt seem real. Well you know what? It's 6 months later, total loss I'm at 125 lbs less and I feel the same. I am the same person. My esteem is the same, my feelings are the same (with the occaisonal pity myself days lol), my thoughts, desires, daily ups, downs, are all the same. I am me!! I didn't go anywhere. So I deal with it the same as I did before. I run around alot when we are out and ask DH, tell me who I compare to in size. When we are at malls I'll see someone walk by that I think I may look like in size and ask. He'll say yes or no, or close but bigger up top etc. I can't figure out what I look like either. I still feel like the 350 lb person. I go to the gym and catch myself almost daily thinking that these people are looking at me and seeing the 350 lb person and they are wondering what is she trying to do? Or good for her that big fat person trying to workout. I have to remind myself I dont look like that no more, even though we cant always see it. I know money is an issue, I couldnt afford counseling either if I wantd it. But it does help to come here, share what one can and feels comfortable with. We do understand, we've been through it too. You have done great on your weightloss and we've seen the pics and you look magnificent! I hope it helps you with your fertility and you can have your baby. You'll be at a much healthier weight and active to enjoy him/her. *HUGS*

I know the whole email is about trying on smaller clothes, but have you ever gone shopping and for kicks tried on the size you were before surgery and saw how huge the outfit was on you, like totally falling off and all. It is an ego booster for sure. When I hate the way I look I have to take a step back and remember where I have been. The I appreciate where I am now. Don't dislike yourself. It takes a lot to accomplished what you have in such a short amount of time. Let's step outside ourselves for one moment. If you were looking at your best friend who had your story, what would you be telling her, look at yourself in the mirror and say those things to yourself. Tell yourself how great you look, how far you have come, and how proud you are of yourself. Then get all dolled up and go out dancing with your hubby. I bet he loves to show you off. Keep on keepin' on girl.

Changes, changes, changes I am now just wearing an 18 or XL and am really happy. I can't imagine being a size 6. I am afraid to think of 16. I have a hard time believing that I can fit into what I am wearing. I still have to wear loose and long. When I do wear anything more form fitting I don't feel comfortable, although they do fit. I also have the problem of the fear of regain. I have lost weight and regained so many times I don't know how it is to keep weight off. So I hesitate to get rid of old clothes, although I come on here and people really support you so I have given away some of the largest sizes. I can't get it in my head that if I keep doing things right it will stay away. I guess we all have things to deal with. I am off blood pressure meds, I can work my whole shift at work and not come home and prop my legs up and take motrin until my gut hurts. I see you are feeling better physically and soon Darlene will have that baby. and the energy to keep up with it. It will be worth all this struggle once our minds catch up to all the changes going on. If WLS was easy everyone would be doing it! I have a friend that is amazed at how much work it is to lose weight after surgery. She said " wow you still have to work at it". I explained how it is a tool and not just the gift of weight loss. You are right, we do have a lot to think about and my guess is it will never end. The journey is life long, as it has always been for me. Good luck and keep up the good work, Mary

Ruth Ann, I've thought about this too. I dont really know what size I want to end up at.. mainly because I dont remember being anything other than a 14/16 or larger. In my freshman year, I was 245lbs. (!!!!) I know because I found an ID card and it had all that info on it.. It blew me away! I know after plastics and everything else, my goal is 135. Honestly.. the goal seems to be completely out of reach. However, I'm working my butt off (literally) at the gym 5 days a week, and am not sitting on the couch on the weekends.. Usually I'm out at a theme park or shopping.. I'm constantly going or doing something. But.. that goal is still 149 lbs away. I haven't even made it to my half way mark yet... and I wonder what it'll be like to say I'm 220.. or I'm 190.. I cant imagine it. At the mall, I point people out to my DH and I'm like.. look at her.. I want to look like that.. with my hips... I'll probably look like that... but I also say.. who do I look like now.. and he'll point people out and I can't believe him.. My brain hurts.. there are a lot of thoughts up there.. they need to go back to sleep!

Hi Ruth Ann. I think about this stuff all the time! It's so difficult for me to understand what I look like. Especially in comparison to others. What exactly does a size 20 look like? I know that my size goal is a 12. I hope that's attainable. I'm not certain it is. Often I find out others wear a 16 or so and I think, WOW they look so skinny! So is a size 16 a "skinny" size? When are we normal? For that matter, what in the heck is "normal"???? You're right, so much to think about! - Stephanie

In regards to the comparison thing and wondering what a 20 looks like.. I find myself wanting to go up to women and ask them what size they wear! LOL Could you imagine some strange person doing that? LOL But I do often see someone and wonder what size they wear to kind of give me an idea of what I look like, if I'm close to that or waaaaaaaay off. Oh well I guess I look like whatever I look like.