Sorry long.. can anyone relate?? Or am I just headed to a bad place?

Hi everyone, it's been awhile. I've popped in to read stuff, but just haven't been posting much, but today I was updating my profile about my 6 month visit to my surgeon and started rambling on with my thoughts and I thought, hey I need some help here. I don't feel it's anything major, nothing out of control or at least not yet, but wondered if you were all going through this now too, or having any of these feelings. I've noticed lately that I have been skipping meals. Trying not to eat, but instead drinking protein shakes. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Im getting my protein in. But I'm down to mostly 2 meals a day with some picking at nuts, and on a day or so maybe I ate once, but anytime I thought i was hungry told myself I didnt want to eat food so grabbed another protein shake. I dont know for sure why Im choosing to do this, just seems easier I think mostly. Its like I dont feel like having cottage cheese again, or being bothered to make an egg, so I just pop open and AchievOne, or make a whey protein shake and munch on a few nuts as I drink it. I end up making myself eat something early to mid afternoon only after having a bad headache and thinking that might be why I have the headache, because I havent eaten any food. So I eat and do feel better (headache goes away). I'm consuming enough calories, total about 1000 and one day 1200 it looked like, but that is with 3 proteins, one meal or two small meals and nuts. So my other realization today was not only that, but the things I've been saying lately. I had flashbacks to some outings to the mall and stores this past week, or last weekend and I catch my reflection in a window and think, then say to DH.. Im so fat, look at my belly pooching out. I still get that look in the mirror one day thing (or certain mirrors and windows) and think I look good, can see me slimming down , then see my view elsewhere and OMG im huge! I hear myself calling myself fat when i see that reflection I say to DH, Im so fat! Its weird, I guess because I feel so good mostly, think I look decent then i see myself and its like OUCH you're fat! Anyone relate to this? Or am I losing it? I dont want to become one of those people who do lose weight and then run around all the time going "I'm so fat! I need to go on a diet". Oh and another thing I did yesterday, we went to dinner, I picked from DH's plate. I had a nibble of his meatball and one strand of noodle. I said to him.. "Im like one of those skinny girls who just picks from her hubby/boyfriends plate, just lttle nibbles". Like it was something to attain. Am I just observant and going through some normal stuff? Or am I losing it? I feel pretty normal, but being what I consider an intelligent human being, am seeing this stuff and am like, "Ok, whats going on here". Anyone relate at all??? Thanks for listening!

I wonder if it has something to do with us being 6 months out...I too have only been reading not posting....the weight is still coming off but not as fast as before...maybe this is part of it. The compliments aren't coming as fast either and I am always pointing out to my husband out this sagging or that puckering and picking myself apart! I think maybe we need to make a consisious(never could spell that word) effort to say only positive things about ourselves. anyone else??

Yes maybe 6 months is a tough spot and its affecting us. We've lost a lot of weight, the skins hanging, we're at that in between spot, we're almost there but not quite. The weightloss is slower and that gets on your nerves LOL worry about what we need to do to get it off (as i said im working on not eating? Dumb!! And ive been to the gym 3 times this week already and planning ongoing when DH gets home, a little obessive??) , or will this be it and we'll start gaining. Its scarey the scales not moving as fast in a way. Ive been wondering what the skins going to look like after I lose the rest of this. My stomach still isnt too bad, but im thinking after another 50/60 lbs, and theres nothing left inside of it then whats it going to do? My arms, forget it. aint nothing going to help those except cutting the skin off. I just looked at my arms, they have official separated into 4 separate sections. lol But im petrified of the pain for PS. And my neck hangy doodle, is that going to get worse, will it ever suck up? LOL I think the cream i got seemed to help a little a first, but not so sure its really doing anything now. Im not consciously over stressed about it, but just thinking about it today its like Ive been doing, thinking and feeling some weird stuff these past two weeks. I guess this too shall pass.

Ruth Ann, you are definitely an intelligent human being! I too am being overly critical of my reflection in the mirror. I'm not sure why. I never spent too much time looking in the mirror before surgery. Now I think I'm fat? Well, I am fat. But I was much fatter before and I never would have referred to myself that way. The sagging skin is very difficult to handle. My arms and thighs are so scary! And, I wonder where this stomach skin is going to go as I continue to lose weight. I think losing as much weight as we have really does a number on our head. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone and you're definitely not going crazy! - Stephanie

Funny huh? I used to say I was plus sized, a big girl, overweight, but never called myself fat either. Now I'm saying it several times a day. Thanks for responding, good to know others are feeling the same way. So we are all normal! LOL Or at least as normal as we can get. Have a good night!

Hi RuthAnn, I kinda think what we are going through is normal. I feel the same way, and a few others posted that they feel the same way, or maybe WE ARE ALL LOSING IT?? I look in the mirror and still see the 305 lb person!! I know by my clothes that I have lost alot of weight, I know by the scale that I have lost alot of weight BUT I cant see it!!! I hope ONE DAY I will be able to see it. ALso, I panic because everyone says that we will start losing slower now,,,,,,,well hell, I have always lost slowly so I cant imagine being any slower!! Since surgery I have lost 68 pounds, I lost 25 the month before BUT still, everyone is nearing their 100 lb loss and Im at 68!! I have a really hard time with that!!!!! And I know we shouldnt compare, but its human nature to compare everyone's stories to our own experiences. HELP me with this one......I will hit a weight (for me it was 211) I will weigh that for two days then it will jump to 214, and it will take a week to get back to 212 and Im still not back to the 211!!!! I have a really hard time because that 211 weight was HUGE for me and I havent seen it for 8 days!! My DH gets so mad at me for this, he just doesnt get that I want to SEE that 211 again!!

My weight does the exact same thing. I got to 220, then went to 222, then 223, then back to 221 and back and forth for a week then a few days ago got back to 220 now the scale wont move. But I figure staying at 220 is good. It's just I can taste a 21? number and I want to see that 1 LOL I really want to see 199, but got to get through the tens and the single 200's first. But I feel you on the scale thing. I dont know why it does that. But i guess we shouldnt complain, we could be still over 300. As i said i guess this shall pass. It's just all new stuff for us having been so heavy for so long. So we're bound to get freaked by some stuff. Have a good night!

I would say your normal. We will probably always see ourselves as we were pre op. I was in my closet tonight trying to find a hanger for a skirt I just bought. I pulled a hanger out with a skirt I hadn't worn in a while and just out of curiosity I compared the two. I was taking down a 24 and replacing it with a 14. Shouldn't I feel a great sense of accomplishment? Shouldn't I be content? Instead I kep looking in the mirror saying I'm to fat and why can't I lose this weight. I have a friend who is 2 years post op and she went from a 30 to a 4/6. She still wanders into the plus size department. she still thinks of herself as being fat. It's a mindset we have gotten in that we are fat and it is going to be very hard for us to see ourselves as being smaller than our old selves. Good luck and keep up the good work! Shana

Don't worry ruth Ann I think we are all in the same boat here... I started out a size 24 pant, now I can wear some, 12's and 14's, and when I am in the regular size department I feel like I don't belong there... Kind of like other people are thinking " what is she doing here? she can't fit in these clothes" but in reality I know I do belong, and I do have days that I still feel fat and sometimes I look and say DAMN I LOOK GOOD!!!!!!!

Wow that thought about people thinking that "she" cant belong in this dept is so true! I have felt like that lately. I stopped in Sears the other day, they were having a sale 75% off. So I thought I'd check it out. It was funny at first. I had to keep moving over a rack to smaller sizes. They had it set up with like 3x, then 2x, then 1x and then XL, L, etc. As I went down down them I was in the 2x thinking I would be finding stuff there but I'd look at it and could see they'd be too big, so onto look in the 1x rack. Some of it looked big, but I was like nah... and had that thought there and when I check for regular XL's in regular dept. I think people are thinking what is that BIG girl doing in the regular dept. I ended up having to move from the 1x rack to the XL rack and bought 3 shirts from there at $4.19 each in six XL (16/18) UNREAL!! But they fit, so I guess it is real! I can't wear all XL's.. all just depends how stuffs made. But we stopped in Lane Bryants after that and I fit into an 18/20 top there. It was so cool I had to try it on, but it was too youthful for me and kind of made me look pregnant. Which if I were that would be great, but Im not so I think we shouldn't go for that look. LOL But yes I feel strange looking in regular size depts, just as you said, I feel people are watching me like I shouldnt be there. Wow, weird thought huh? Thanks so much! It feels good to hear others are thinking the same. HAve a great night.