10 months + 1 day

It is hard to believe it has been 10 months-sometimes it seems like it went by in a flash, other times it seems it was a lifetime. I have lost 116 pounds, which is almost another person! There are things I wish I knew starting out that I have discovered along the way. Body dismorphia...how truly hard it is to fight head hunger...and how much strain this surgery puts on marriages. I have gone from a size 20W to a size 4L in a short time, no real complications...touch of pneumonia after the surgery, other than that only hair loss and loose skin. I realize from all the posts that I am not alone with the hubby problems, but it is very hard to deal with. I always thought that my hubby loved ME, for ME. Then I had this surgery and have become me without the padding, and like many others here, I have discovered its not true. The email love messages, the IMing and out to play pool with one of his ex girlfriends is just driving me nuts. I can't get a clear answer as to why he did this and I can't let it go now that he says he stopped. I see so many others dealing with spouses who are jealous and accusing now. It is just kind of embarrassing to say that my DH is cheating because I am not fat anymore...that because my BMI is normal, my husband is no longer attracted to me. *sigh* I will stop whining now, thanks for letting me get this off my chest for a minute. Becky R 254/138

Oh my gosh! I have missed your posts about this, if you have been making them. You are so not alone in your husband having issues with the weight loss. Mine is not cheating on me and doesn't appear about to start, but he is no where near as excited as most of the other husbands/boyfriends on this board. Mine never minded me being big (okay - morbidly obese), in fact, when he sees old pictures, he is surprised at how big I was. He doesn't seem to care if my body is big or small, but he is struggling with my newly small breast size. I was busting out of a DDD, and now I am a B. It's been hard for me to have such small breasts, but I have finally found postives in it, and I don't really miss those DDD anymore. My DH is another story, tho. He doesn't mention it much, but when he does, he says he feels awful and guilty because he is not as attracted to me anymore. Losing all this weight has had many unexpected and not always pleasant changes. I was sure that he would be more attracted to me than ever after I lost weight, and that has not happened. I hope that things between you and your husband will work out in a way that makes you happy. I hope the same for me and my husband. Becky

He feels awful and guilty because he is not as attracted to me anymore? Oh the poor dear...NOT! I wish these men would just GROW UP. ARRGGGGHHH. My DH is losing his hair, how hurt would he be if I started looking at other guys because he wasn't bald when I met him? It's crazy! I hope everything works out for you. Good luck

Oh Becky, I am so sorry there some of you have negative results from hubby's after losing all the weight. I to went from ddd to now almost b. My husband has been so supportive of my process. He doesn't mind it at all, although he did like the bigger breats,LOL, but what man doesn't. He is more sexually attracted to me, he makes me crazy at times! He saw what a miserable person I was at 254lbs. and having all my medical issues, to having almost no issues now. I have more energy, self esteem and actually like shopping for me,which I hated to do in the past. Buying size 10 clothes instead of 20's is so much better. I am almost at goal which is 140. 2 more pounds to hit Century Club!!! Keep up the good work!!! Lynn

It looks like our surgery date was the same day. I have lost 130 pounds from a size 24 to a 6. I can relate to your post 100% when it comes to the significant other issue. He complains that I am too small now but he never said I was too big when I was 270 pounds. We had more intimate times when I was heavy. I never had big breast to start with but now I have none, the loose skin isn't bad except for the lower buttox area, and upper thighs. My arms and stomache aren't that bad at all. He has become very jealous as to say no one wanted me when I was heavy. You are definetly not alone. I put my life on the line to have this surgery, and I did it for me and it's his problem if he can't adjust to the smaller me, not the new me because I'm the same person I was before. I wouldn't change a thing and I would do it again. Yes, I dress better because let's face it asize 6 comes in more fashionable styles than in size 24, and yes I do have more confidence but I see all that as a plus, not a negative. 270/140

I understand what you mean about the clothes being cuter in 6's than in 24's! I can see that it is his problem, not mine-it just kind of makes me angry. I would love him if he got big, or had a surgery that changed his physical self. My husband is considerably younger than me and very handsome-but that is not why I married him. I am not going to move on when he gets older and things start to wrinkle up. Why do they think it is okay to want out because we are smaller? good luck!

Do you mind if I pipe in here with a male perspective? I was just stumbling across the forums and found this forum from a LiveJournal Friend who had surgery in this month. Anyway, this is something that concerns me greatly. Spouses reaction to weight loss. I'm pushing 5 months out, so I'm about half way behind most of you right now. I've lost 116.5 pounds since surgery, and 139.5 pounds since my highest recorded weight. The change in my appearance is, apparently, pronounced. I can't see it, but my wife can. Her fear is that I'm going to leave her for someone thinner. She's not "heavy" enough for surgery, and the thought scares her. I love her just as she is, and while I've always had a "wandering eye" I've never thought about leaving her or cheating on her. This is not an excuse, but just a realization. I think many of the men who married a woman they loved, then watch them transform into something different and quite possibly desirable by others as a threat to themselves. That this new attractive (to more people) person will forget about how we loved them for more than their looks and will go after someone with more hair, more muscles or more something. Men are driven by the visual, much more so than women. And if a woman makes a visual change, even if it is for the better, it is easy for that change to drive a man. Its **** poor excuse for bad behavior, but there it is.

I appreciate the male perspective Michael. I was worried that what you suggested may happen with DH, so right away when I started losing weight I "upped" the complements. I have always remembered to constantly tell DH how handsome he is, (He is incredibly handsome-I have always wondered why he is with the likes of me.) I always remember to notice the big and especially the little things he does for me and to tell him how much I appreciate them. I don't know why I am not attractive to him anymore, or why he feels it is okay to go out with this other woman (who, by the way, he told me would always love deeply and would always hold a huge place in his heart). I try really hard to make sure everything is always perfect when he comes home. I work two jobs-one full time, one part time-I do the shopping, the cooking, laundry, dishes, take care of the kids, etc. I don't know what else to do. Thanks, Becky R

I too am having problems with my hubby. As a matter of fact I went down and bought a divorce package. I am so tired of being accused of doing things I don't even think about doing let alone do. I'm tired of being told that I think I'm better now that I'm down 127 lbs than I was before. yes, I am more healthy and I feel better and look better. I have a heck of a lot more self esteem. I could go on and on about the positives that this surgery has done for me. If my husband can't accept me for who I am today, and I am still the same person as before just one with a little more self respect and dignigty, then we can go our seperate ways and maybe one day I will be with someone that truley loves me and appreciates me for who I am. Not for who he wants me to be. I really feel for you that you work 2 jobs and do all the household chores. To me that's just wrong. If I were you I would want to get on with my life without him. You know just because the package looks good don't mean it is good. Give that some thought. Just my opinion, Deborah W.

Thanks Deborah. I seem to be giving a lot of things some thought lately...my brain runs so much it could be losing weight too! My biggest problem right now is that everytime he is late or whatever I immediately start wondering. Good luck! Becky R