WLS & Divorce

Hi All, I thought it was a joke before when I heard about people getting a divorce after they get the WLS. Well I am one to tell you it does happen. I am the one who had the surgery and after 3 months have lost 107lbs and my wife tells me she wants a divorce now.I always thought it was the one who had the surgery that the better they feel about themselves the more they think about divorce. I had seen more than a few people in the same place as me has anyone else had this happen to them? Joel Droba

Joel, I am so sorry to hear about this happening to you. Although as of now, I am happy and I think my hubby is happy, I am sure there are going to be times when he might get jealous of my weight loss and the attention I get from losing the weight. I hope this does not affect our marriage, but I am ready if we have problem. He has alway been tall and skinny and has not had to worry about the problem of self-esteem from weight, but he does feel like he is unattractive because of his looks. He is a good looking guy in my opinion. Oh well, I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry for your situation and maybe she is insecure in herself and now that you are becoming more secure and self-confident, she cant handle it. If you need to talk, email me. D'Lynn

Joel: I'd think, given the short time you've had since surgery, that your wls is not the cause of your wife's feelings. It sounds to me as if she has been thinking about this for awhile and has now decided to spring it on you. It's just a guess but I doubt that your surgery has caused this. It's hard to know what anyone else is thinking when they reach this point but I feel that you'll survive. I'm sorry this has happened at this time - if ever. Dave

Joel: Sorry to hear about your marriage. My PCP warned me that this is an all too common side effect of the surgery. The surgery messes with desire and expectations. It's surprising how often the spouse of a weight-loss patient is the one to split - you'd think that it would only be the other way around (new body = new possibilities). For me, everything is OK at home and I don't expect any changes - though that doesn't mean they won't. Hang in there - remember, you live in a world of new possibilities. Harbor

That is a sad story ... I know this is not a good time to say this but we have to remember things happen for a reason may be there is a better lady out there for you..I wish you the best in your new life.. Shelly -90

Joel- I am really sorry to hear about your divorce.... you have definitely been through the ringer, thats for sure... I do believe that things happen for a reason. Hang in there... be strong. I know it must be really tough going through so much in such a short period of time. I hope things get better for you. You are doing awesome in the wl department- keep it up Take care... Bonnie

Hi Joel, You have had such a tough time and now this....I have been divorced but not because of surgery. It was a hugh heartache in my life and took me about 3 years to come to peace with the situation. We had been married almost 18 years and he was messing around most of that time with other women. To deal with that I had to realize that it was his problem and his unhappiness that caused our problems. He still has a problem with his life/current wife. Please do not be afraid to reach out to those of us who want to be there for you. We may not know the reason why this is happening but I do know for a fact that when one door closes God opens a window and that HE holds it all in HIS hands. I never thought I would survive my divorce but I sure did and am now remarried. Rejection is probably the hardest thing that any of us ever deal with. I am here for you and will listen anytime. Feel free to email if you want. I will keep you in my prayers. Keep focusing on how wonderful you are doing on your weight loss and what a special person you are to be able to help and inspire others even tho the going has been tough. Roxi 285/232/130

Joel, I am so sorry to hear your news. I was married for 31 years and then divorced. I fought like hell to fix the marriage for 2 years. We saw a counselor, but it was just too late probably. I was the one who finally decided it was time to let go. I finally decided it was more painful to stay in the marriage than to let it go. I had to do it, but the aftermath was pretty painful even though we were very civil to each other and the division of property was a no-hassle event. I did the right thing for our marriage, but I always advise people to do whatever they can to save their marriages because the aftermath can be pretty devastating. So, if counseling is at all an option, go for it. I'll be praying for you. No matter what, you have a new, wonderful life opening up for you. Take care.

I am also having a lot of problems with my husband...he was against me having this sugery and every once in a while he says negative things about it and I feel as if we will be splitting up very soon-as I can't take it much longer...he should be happy for me-I am becoming healthy and happy! He's been so horrible to me! Was she happy about you getting the surgery in the begining?