So unhappy with my GBS

I have screwed myself royally. Its not my surgeons fault, Dr Shina and staff are wonderful, the hospital was wonderful. This is all my fault. I lied to myself and everyone. I convinced myself that I needed this surgery, that it was the only way for me to lose weight. Well, I never really tried anything else. I only thought, well, if I can have this surgery, I will be able to lose weight. I didn't see the downside. Yes, I have lost 27lbs and I am grateful for that, but its not worth being this unhappy. I am just devastated. I realize now that I have had it that I should have tried, my surgeon told me that this surgery was a last resort and man, was he right! I am not on here downing anyone but me. I am just so heartbroken that I will never be able to go to a restuarant and eat normal foods again. I could've lost weight with out this, IF only I had tried. If u wanna flame me go ahead, there is nothing no one can say that will make me feel any worse than I do. I just needed to get this out. If u haven't had surgery yet, please don't do what I did, make sure u have tried everything else. I am happy for those who are happy with this surgery and its results, but for myself, I don't know if I will ever be happy again, not the way I was. Angela

Angela, Take it from someone who HAS tried to lose weight every way imaginable. I have even dragged myself out of bed every morning at 4:30am to go the health club, the only 480lb man in town doing so, and exercised and it still wouldn't come off. You made a brave decision, and the correct decision. You WILL be happy again, more so than you were before. It is JUST FOOD. I know it has a hold on us like cocaine or something, but you will move past this. No one on earth likes food more than I do. I would kill someone for a plate of buffalo wings and thought I would be the most angry, bitter person in the world after this surgery, but it hasn't been near as bad as I thought. I am exercising and losing weight and concentrating on the positives. It hasn't been very long for you, but you will start to see amazing things happening to your body and you will feel so much better. Focus on those little victories along the way. In less than a month, my lower back pain was gone when I walked, I was off all blood pressure medication, and I lost all the fluid that was building up in my legs. Keep strong, think positive. You'll be able to eat regular food again after a while! We're all in this together! Chris S.

Angela, I hated the fact I had the surgery for the first week. I thought about all the things I wouldn't be able to eat for a very long time. I also looked at the fact that, of my 53 years, I spent a grand total of about 2 of them being "normal" weight, and I knew this was what I had to do in order to survive. I have two things to say. Number one, are you on any kind of Coumadin or anything like that? Often, people who are on Coumadin get depressed. Not sure why, but it can make you very down. Second, PLEASE, call your doctor!!! Talk to someone! It's all well and good to post here but none of us is close enough to your locale to talk to you one on one. Please, don't suffer what you think is a wrong decision all alone.

Angela, Please don't be sad about things that are not necessarily true. One of the things I did before I committed to having the surgery was to talk to about 12 people who had the surgery. Their time since their surgeries went from 7 years to a few months. But, the best talk came from a friend who had it 3 years ago in December. I asked her what it was like to go out to a restaurant now. She said she eats about 1/2 of what's on the plate now. She only fluctuates about 3 lbs. and looks wonderful. That's what I am shooting for. Other friends eat a regular meal and have gained some weight back. So far, nothing has bothered me. My doctor has me on pureed foods until the first of May. I'm doing okay with that. Then I will be on soft foods until the first of July. He's very conservative and I think I will do better following his directions. When July hits, I will be able to eat regular foods again, but I will need to be careful to make sure they are healthy. Maybe someday I'll have a bite of something decadent, but I'm realizing all my earlier bites of decadence was killing me. I really want to live to see my grandchildren...should God bless me with any! You are in a wait and see stage right now. You will make it... Just don't get discouraged until the end. Enjoy the 27 lbs. You've lost 2 more than me!! Susie

Dear Angela, I've heard many people say that after surgery, when we realize that our relationship with food is forever altered, a huge depression hits. It kinda sounds to me like that's what you're going through. I've been waiting for it to hit me hard but so far, nada. I think the main reason for this is that my younger son is diabetic and I stopped baking a couple of years ago to help control his blood sugar. And also, in December I started cooking in a more low-carb way to get used to the necessary changes. A week or two prior to surgery I suddenly noticed that it was a lot easier to do. When I was in the hospital the nurse told me that a patient in another room was having a lot of trouble accepting the liquid diet. Her family had talked her into surgery and she found it very difficult to make the necessary mental change. I have had a few glimmers of regret on giving up certain foods...but then I realize that I've had enough to last several lifetimes. That makes it a lot easier. Chin up, kiddo! The first month will be tough but then you can branch out and have some of the old stuff....just not very much at once! ~j~

Good for you Angela for sharing your feelings... now... take a DEEP BREATH. What you are feeling is normal.... we miss our friend... FOOD. And I discovered that just because I am not hungry.... doesn't mean I don't crave. I started dreaming about food in the hospital... imagine that!! It's okay... this too will pass and.... as others have said... it's not the end of ending good food, its just enjoying the amount you eat... more. As Susan Maria also says... "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels... " Hang in there.... we are with you !!! Harolyn

Dear Angela, I had the surgery the day after you did, and I know just what you are feeling...I had the same thoughts several times while I was on all liquids but then I realized, HEY, the liquids/mushies phase will end soon and I needed this as a TOOL to help me to learn QUANTITIES of foods to eat! That is how to look at it...a tool to help you learn how to eat like a skinny person! And here is the good part...every skinny person you and I know CAN and DOES eat anything they want, AS WE WILL TOO, they just don't consume massive amounts of it at a time! When I was doing all my pre surgery research I was very careful to see if there were any foods I would have to forever say goodbye to, and aside from some people who have allergies, and such, I have found that most folks who have gotten over the healing new-post-op phase, ARE in fact able to eat any and all foods if they are careful to chew it first, which makes you slow down and you actually taste your food (which is JUST what skinny people do, if you ever observe them!). I see lots of skinny people eating at restaurants all the time, having a good time there, too! Also, those "all you can eat" places are not good for anybody. Besides, ever notice you hardly ever see skinny people there? It is best to spend the money in a classier restaurant and order exactly what it is you have a hankering for! SO, do not get depressed about giving up ANY foods you enjoy. After you are all nicely healed and past the liquids/mushies phase, you WILL be able to have them, but you will LEARN the proper way to enjoy them, in smaller quantities, at a slower pace, in a new skinny-person attitude (and body) towards food! Keep the course, we're here for you to cry with and to share with you! ~Jojo 205/180/110

Angela, Cheers to you for the weight loss you have achieved!!! Perhaps you should go back and read YOUR BIO and journey! I know this time is hard (I am only 3 weeks out and only down 23pds) I have had some "issues" including a new intolerence to dairy (I missed that in the possible side effects) but as much as I want to be upset with the choice I made...reality is that when I look at why I chose this journey, I realize I was at the end and if you read your profile....so were you! This to shall pass...Remember the same God you spoke about who opened the doors leading to this surgery, is the same God who will be there to help you through! He is an AWESOME God and he loves you and will help you though! And, I agree with Susan...NOTHING tastes as good as thin will feel! Seperating from food is a hard thing....But living to make choices about food is an awesome thing! Please, feel free to email if you would like! Blessings to you, your hubby and your children who will now get to enjoy the woman in their life at her best! JK

Dear Angela, My heart goes out to you and I appreciate your honesty. What you are experiencing should be understood by anyone contemplating this surgery. I think your grief and mourning for the loss of something that has been a powerful source of pleasure, comfort, and entertainment for so long is natural, even if it is painful. I'm glad you were brave enough to post your honest grief on the web. Here is my hope and prayer for you Angela, that your enjoyment of food can be replaced by an even greater enjoyment of other things that life has to offer. Letting go of any addiction is always painful and you are now in the worst phase of it. I hope with all my might that it gets easier for you. Maybe you can try to find other ways to share social times with family and friends that don't center around food. Have you found any other ways to comfort yourself or celebrate life? Please don't give up hope that your life can be a good one, even though food will never again play the same role that it once did. To be honest, I haven't even had surgery yet, but I feared that I would feel exactly as you do now when I first contemplated surgery. I intend to go through with surgery, but knowing how difficult giving up food has been for you will help me better prepare myself. Again, I wish you all the best Angela. I hope you can feel less trapped by the decision you made and find a way to make peace with your new life.

Hi Dale, Just a thought, the person who did my Psyc eval suggested that I start giving up those foods that were near and dear to me BEFORE my surgery! This way, I gave things up 1 at a time. I started with the 2 hardest, the things I ate ALL the time (actually kept them with me at all times...pitiful huh?) Diet Pepsi and Peanut Butter cups. Then, I went to other things, for about 6 weeks, I started this giving up and grieving, 1 food at a time. Sounds sad I know, but for me, I had to do it that way so I would be OK when I came outof surgery. My frustration now, I feel like all I do is think about food...how much, is it enough, protein, fluid etc. Before, I didn't have to think.....I simply ATE! Anyway, you are in my thoughts and prayers as you prepare for this truly life altering event in your life! My weight loss is slow, but I don't regret having the surgery...I take 1 day at a time....with the hope I will indeed lose all this weight! I do look forward to being able to eat and make good food choices again! But, first, I must walk to road to healthy and thin...my reward at the end....to have choices once again! Have a great day Dale. Angela, I trust today is a new day and that you are feeling at least a little better! You are in my prayers. JK