OK..here goes..

HI everyone, I am stepping up and introducing myself...again. I used to hang around on this forum after my surgery and loved this place. I gathered a lot of strength from here and the support meetings. I am not sure what happened but I slowly drifted away. I not only drifted away from this site, I also drifted away from the support group in my area. I lost a total of 110 lbs and then stopped losing. After a while (2 months or longer) I slowly started eating more and eating with old habits....candy...crap....carbs...and sure enough the weight started to show up again. I did not notice at first...it was summer and elastic waste shorts and capris helped hide the nasty truth. When the weather started to change and I had to drag out the old jeans is when the truth slapped me in the face...HARD. I became depressed and thought of myself as a failure..yet again at the weight loss game! And of course I am an emotional eater....so BAM more weight gain. The lowest I ever got was a size 16, which I was happy with, yet wanted more...now I am a size 18 and severely depressed and scared that I will continue to gain weight...and my typical behavior is to ignore it..I mean..if I don't address it, then it doesn't exist...right? Sure, I would tell myself...go back to the meetings...but the other side of me was like...no way...so everyone can see what a failure you are....so they can confirm what you already know?? So I can see people whisper... "wow, she has gained weight"... I even avoid old friends that have had the surgery, all a deep rooted self pity trip..I suppose. Thoughts of final acceptance that I will always be the "big girl" and even last ditch thoughts of a second surgery....with the total resistance from my hubby, due to the fact that the first one scared him to death...thoughts of losing me...always fill my mind. Well low and behold, a positive event happened that gave me a spark of hope.... I was meeting my school mates (in college still) to study at a local cafe and saw some people that I used to see at the support meetings...they all looked GREAT! They said I looked good, however, I know that is something people say when trying to be nice.....cant take a compliment either!! Anywayyyyy, after explaining that I have drifted away and stopped losing weight, these ladies told me about the 5-day pouch test, this tidbit of information blew me out of the water....what.......could there be hope outside of having a second surgery? I could not wait to get home and check into this test. I did check into this test and today on my lunch I am heading to Costco to get my protein and I am going to start this on Sat morning. I am actually getting excited about it, in hopes that I can recondition my pouch and start losing weight again. What makes me wonder is at what point does the lack of enthusiasm fade, remember back to right after the surgery, we make good decisions and have such high hopes. We feel better about ourselves than we probably ever did...what happens that make us fade back into the old lifestyle and old routines? Why are those so comfortable to us? I know I am rambling but I also know that there are others like me that feel like a failure. Thanks for listening..

Sue MAN do I know how you feel I am there with you honey!! I kept my weight down for the last 2 years and just in the last 2 months I have put back on about 12 pds......I am soooooooo ashamed and I am hiding from my friends with the elastic waists and all.......please tell me about the 5 day-pouch test????? I have always heard that We can gain back our weight and I got alittle depressed and started eating sugar and carbs and hiding from friends and I want so bad to go back to losing........I feel like I blew this surgery and I should be so happy that I was able to have this done with NO problems. I am in love with donuts and I can eat 3 at a time and I dont want that life.........I know there is hope out there!! I will say a prayer for you that you also get back on track... Thank you for coming forth and best of luck to you Janice highest weight-320 surgery day-231 for the last 2 years-142/145 today 155 help...............................................

I don't know if this will make you feel better, but I'll post just in case. I lost down to 145 from 288. I still felt too fat at 145, and thought my body was too big, except for my breasts, which I thought were too small. I moved away from my support group and into a stressful new place and slowed down on the exercise and moved into eating comfort food again. I gained up to 181 in about 3-4 months. I was scared to death. None of my clothes fit me. I couldn't get them up my thighs and certainly couldn't button them. I was a mess. I started staying home more and more, which didn't help anything. Then, in March of this year, I read a post on this March website from another lady that was going through what I was going through. To realize I wasn't alone made a difference to me. I started to slowly stop eating so much food and tried to adopt better food choices when I did eat. It's taken 7 months, but I've lost 20 pounds and gained a belief in myself that surgery didn't give me. I now believe in myself and know that I can lose weight when I chose and that I control when I gain weight. Food FINALLY doesn't rule my life. I don't know if this new confidence will last because I've never felt it before. What I do believe is that we all have it within ourselves to weigh at least close to what we want. It just takes time to realize it and to learn to eat better. I know that you will be able to do it, too, it will just a little longer. I hope you write this site back to give us info on your progress. We learn from each other and gather support from others in the spot. Support groups are important to our success. Becky

Becky I have not been to this site in ages because I felt like such a failure. After my surgery I only lost 96 pounds. I tried to do what I was suppose to do but the weight stopped coming off. I've only gained 8 pounds in the 3 years since my surgery. I still weigh in the 200"s and I wear some 18's but mostly 20's. Before I had my surgery I wore 26/28 more 28. My knees hurt when I walked my feet and ankles were swollen. All that improved. I know i started eating the wrong things again. I stopped going to the meetings because after losing 80 pounds someone asked me "when are you having your surgery?" I am 64 years olds and I would like to get down to a 16. How can I start losing again? Sometimes I said to myself maybe the Doctor made a mistake and didn't actually do the surgery on me. Maybe we could do this together. I'm here for you. I can't go to the support group I just don't feel comfortably. what is the 5 day pouch test? Someone please help me....I feel like such a failure.

I'm sorry to be late in replying to your post, it went to an e-mail I don't check often. Are things going better for you now? I can only say that there's no secret I know of to lose weight except to eat a little less and exercise. It sounds simplified, but everyone on this site knows that simple and easy are different. If it were easy, we wouldn't have needed surgery. You're not alone in feeling like a failure, most of us have. And although I don't think you'll believe me, you have done well with your surgery and can continue to do well. You've lost a significant amount weight and are in a size 18 instead of a 26-28. People in a size 18 don't need weight-loss surgery, so the person who hurt your feelings is just foolish or you misunderstood her. I think you'll find help and support on the graduates board. I see posts all the time about this issue. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could offer you better concrete help. I check my OH mail regularly, so if you want, click "contact" at this bottom of this post and e-mail me. Don't be hesitant to post on the grads board, they'll be very supportive of you!

Sue, I am right there with you. I am up 10 pounds from my lowest. I exercise a lot, but I graze and eat too many carbs. I have made myself a promise not to eat another thing before bed. I struggle every day. I wish I could find a support group for graduate WLS people. Patricia 3-11-2005 RNY 262/125 134.6 this morning.