Am I doing the right thing?

Before Christmas someone stole $700 from my Mom(who's recovering from breast cancer)  It was under her mattress, we live in a little no crime area and no one locks their doors.  We were out of town a week later and someone tried to break in my house and damaged my antique hardwood and glass front door.  They did not get in and since we live next door we figured it was a transient thief.  It was all the money Mom had saved up for Christmas, so I loaned her the money.  I was also very busy so my 20 year old nephew came over to help me get ready for Christmas.  We all thought everything was ok.  The day after Christmas we got a call from a man who said he had found one of ou blank SIGNED checks on the ground in the city park.  We went and picked it up and I immediately felt sick.  It was a check from the checkbooks I had gotten in the mail the day my nephew had come to help me.  He was there when I opened the box and I had locked them up immediately.  I went to the box and the top two books were missing.  We called my nephew andI he came over and admitted that he had taken them.  He told me he had stolen $300 dollars and that he had intended to put it back before I would notice.  He started crying and said he was in trouble and that he owed a drug dealer who was going to kill him if he didn't give them the money.   I was so terribly hurt, I confronted him with the fact that I was missing jewelry and that Mom was missing the $700 dollars.  He tried to say he didn't do it at first but then admitted to it.  I demanded that he go to an inpatient 6-8 month drug rehab that night,  I told him that should he leave I would take the check to the police and have him arrested as it had his prints on it.  I also told him that as soon as he gets out of rehab he wilol get a job with direct deposit and put money into a seperate account with my name on it until he has repaid us.  I contacted the bank and found out that he had actually stolen $3500.  I can't afford to lose that money.  It was my savings.  THe bank says it was the job of a pro.  He had hit every branch in the area and had kept each check under $300 so that it would not raise suspicion.  He gave a different story to each teller.  He had stolen a check stub from another book to use to forge the signature.  Tomorrow is the first day he gets visitors and is asking to see me.  I don't know what to do about it.  I am extremely hurt.  THe boy is a sociopath, pure and simple.  I had seen the signs in him since childhood, but was in denial.  His Mom and Dad(my beloved brother the sociopath and his whacko bipolar ex) broke up and ignored him.  I mostly raised him.  If anyone has any helpful insights, I would love to hear them.   I don't know if I am ready to face him.  It was really ugly the last time I saw him.  I told him that I knew he was a sociopath and that his tears had nothing to do with remorse and everything to do with self pity over being caught.  I still have not decided as to whether or not to go.  It's Valentine's Day and the hubby says he wants to go out tomorrow night after he gets off work.   I want to have a good time.

Sorry to be Debbie Downer.  Trying to find a positive here.  Got to believe God wanted me to  find a way to help him.  My psych training is saying this is hopeless, the aunt in me wants to believe that even if he doesn't understand human emotion, maybe he can be taught.  Thanks for being here to listen to my rant.  It is the first time I have just let all of this out.  It does feel cathartic.  No more swallowing my anxiety with a chaser of cake.  Love ya Crissie

God, I'm so sorry. I will try to respond with some neutrality because these cir****tances will only be worsened with extreme emotion. My kneejerk response, Crissie, is that he needs time away from you - his family - and find his own feet to carry him through this by working with the professionals who are there to help him. I would suggest that you tell him that he needs to show real evidence that he intends to make things right by honoring your expectations, and that he should put all his energy into getting well. Tell him you will be there for him when it is a better time but that time is not now. Please don't convey to him that you are 'abandoning' him, physically or emotionally. Tell him instead that these are very serious and hurtful cir****tances and you all need time to heal. There will be time to talk then. And then pray. Pray that he finds his feet to carry himself up and out of this mess of a life. You know, it doesn't matter the substance - drugs, alcohol, food ... we're all trying to do the same thing. Fill up a huge gaping hole that has been caused by experiences when we were very young - whatever those experiences, that doesn't matter either. We are trying to fill up the hole so we will stop hurting. Love your nephew. Tough love, but love nonetheless. And take good care of yourself and your husband - he sounds like a real partner... be well, Crissie. I will pray for your nephew. Be well. Maureen

Thanks so much for just being here.  I did go down there just to face him and tell im pretty much what you suggested.  He started trying to turn on the tears and wanting to come home and I had to lay down the law and tell him no.  I spoke to the reverend who runs the facility who has a chekered past himself and he says that he is keeping an extra eye on him and kn ows the signs of manipulation and doesn't allow him to get by with his crap.  I told him I needed to have time to get over being so furiously angry and left him there.  I had seriously decided to not go until I found out my brother was going to visit.  I love him, but he is a mess.  It's like we were raised in different homes.  He was and is not ever there when my nephew needs him.  He 's trying to make up for not being a good daddy by being a good buddy.  He would have signed him out.  We had a few words, but as I still have the check, I hold the hammer.  He will probably hate me forever, but I have to hurt him to save him.  ANd oh yeah, My Valentine is here with me now.  He fell in love with me at 350, loved me at 500, 195, and still does.  He treats me like a princess and my Mom like a queen.  He's also the best Dad ever.  Got a silver locket with a handpainted rose on it for Valentine's Day for me when I got back from that mess.  He took me to Max  & Erma's for grilled chicken with tropical fruit salsa.  It was devine.  When I came into the house he had also brought me a beautiful live orchid.  WHen life sucks, Something always comes along to lift you up when you need it most.  Friends and famly are what counts at the end of the day.  Even if they too suck sometimes                                              Happy VAlentine's Day, Love Crissie

I wish I had words of whisdom but i don't. Reenie and you both make perfect sense. 
My youngest had some issues years ago that I had to work through with tough love. it was the hardest thing in the whole world to do.
at one point he wanted to move in with me he was living on a flea infested mattress at a friends house. no job no car no food he smelled really bad. my other two kids begged me to take him in. i laid down the law. 
he woudl be allowed to live there only if he had a job. he had to pay me rent. no drugs or alcohol. no friends at my house. he said how will i get to work? i said you have two good feet. i live close to several stores. my oldest son took the younger one to one of them and he got the job right then. then they brought his things home
i made him stick to everything and told him if i had a hint of him doing anything that i did nt approve of i woudl be the one to call the police.
he's a good young man now. that was 10 years ago.

Pammy, I am so happy that your son is doing better.  Maybe my nephew will work it out.  I hope so.  He was so upset that he is being made to go out into the slums and take food and water to indigents and pray with them.  The idea being" there but by the grace of God."  It's a christian rehab/scared straight program that lasts 9-12 months.  I am praying this does the trick.

he should be more upset that he had done something so wrong to the people who love him.
sounds like he's in a good program maybe it will get him to thinking about others.
we are here to listen to our rants. doesn't hve to be food related but if you think about it being able to rant helps us from going to the kitchen and eating something off limits!
i live alone except for my dog cat and birds. so for me i dont' have to worry about having off limit foods in the house. if i amhaving company i'll pick things up and when the company leaves so does the off limit foods. right in the trash if they don't take them but i can still find things in my house that i'll eat too much off. oh sure they are good for me foods and if i was going to cheat its better to have an extra cheese stick than cookies right?
so i need to work on stopping those impluses when i am not hungry and grab a snack.
 

Absolutely!  Cheese sticks and veggies help me and fruit when I want something sweet.  Hey! Have you guys tried those little cups of  ruby red grapefruit?  There are 2 servings in a cup and the whole thing for two servings is only 120 calories.  They are so good, they cost about a buck a cup and I was griping about the cost of such things when my Mom pointed this truth out to me.  If I had wanted a slice of yummy cake or a pastry before surgery, would I have balked at a dollar?   Of course I wouldn't, I would have thought it was cheap at half the price!  So, I now buy myself an extravagant piece of fruit every now and again to fill that old wish for something special.  Keeps me out of the other crap!  Love ya guys, Crissie