Pre-Anniversary S.O.S.

I wonder how many of us are left - I see a number of "hits" reading these posts but I can count on one had those of us who continue to post periodically, if not irregularly. So I am casting this net to everyone who stops long enough to read this - PLEASE respond. Please post back. I NEED YOUR HELP.  In less than a month, we will begin what has become a ritual for us - celebrate our anniversaries together. Before I mark that date for myself, I need to know where everyone is at. I need to know where I "fit in" and if anyone else is going through the same things. Please do not perceive this as a negative post.  Please rather perceive this as my need to acquire information so that I can continue forging ahead. I am so afraid. Please answer:

Weight day of surgery:
Lowest weight after surgery:
Current weight:
Goal weight:

Co-morbidities day of surgery:
Co-morbidities remained or have reoccured despite surgery:

Medical issues related to surgery (suspected or diagnosed):

Are you experiencing emotional difficulty with food (thinking about it all the time, eating too much of it, binging, purging, eating too little for fear of regain, etc.) If so, please explain.

Current medications:
Current vitamins:

Anything you want to add:

Thanks friends. Maureen
 

I'll go first:

Weight day of surgery:  358
Lowest weight after surgery:  138
Current weight:  164
Goal weight:  140-145

Co-morbidities day of surgery: diabetes, hypertension, GERD, sleep apnea
Co-morbidities remained or have reoccured despite surgery: Have lived totally free of medications for any of these issues since I left the hospital in 2004, however, my PCP is very concerned that the diabetes has returned - I will be formally tested in about 3 weeks.

Medical issues related to surgery (suspected or diagnosed):  reactive hypoglycemia, anemia

Are you experiencing emotional difficulty with food (thinking about it all the time, eating too much of it, binging, purging, eating too little for fear of regain, etc.) If so, please explain.  YES. I want to eat all the time. I am constantly painfully hungry. I NEVER feel full, I NEVER experience pain or discomfort from eating too much or too fast. The best way I can describe where I'm at is that it feels like I have a gaping hole in my gut that never gets filled. I am out of my mind with this.  I also have a very serious addiction to chocolate and no matter what I do, no matter my resolve, promises to God, etc., I have not been able to go a day without chocolate for about a year and a half. It makes me feel miserable.  I have recently found a psychotherapist whose expertise is eating disorders - have not met with her yet but I'm hopeful this might help turn things around for me.

Current medications:  None yet but I fear Avandia is back in my cupboard sooner than later.
Current vitamins:  multi (pre-natal), D-3, 1200 mg. calcium, b-12 sublingul, b-12 shot monthly, c and iron taken together, e - and still my blood levels are critically deficient in calcium, D, and iron.

Anything you want to add:  The best way I can describe the way my body feels is brittle.  I feel brittle and extremely tired and older than my years. Some days I feel like if someone huffed and puffed and tried to blow me down, I'd fall like a deck of cards. I don't feel well. I feel ill.

And I'm scared.

Your turn - please do this! Ok? Maureen

To begin, I'll say I have been a total failure! I'm so depressed.But heres my stats:

(Highest weight ever 263)

Weight day of surgery ~ 244 then weighed 255 when I came home from surgery
Lowest weight ~ 169
Current weight ~ 234 ~  I've gained 18 pounds in the last 2 months!!
Co-Morbities before surgery~diabetes, high blood presure. I have it all again and am on medicine for all of this. Plus more pills!  I was taking 14 pills a day when I had surgery and now I take 8.
Related to surgery ~anemia
Emotional issues~ depression, depression, depression!!! I am never full and I want to eat all the time. I don't eat a lot at one time, just graze day and night! I am in the same shape I was in 6 years ago! My feet, legs,back,neck, arms and hands hurt all the time.
Does this sound like my life is in the toilet? Well, if was not for my wonderful, I don't know how I could cope with this!
But, I'm going to start over again in the morning!!  I can't give up hope!
I'll let you know how I do.
I Love y'all and thanks for being my friend!

Aw, sweetie - I hate that you're feeling so down on yourself? I've asked you this before, but I'll ask again - can you get an endoscope done to determine the size of your pouch and stoma opening? You and I sound like we are struggling with the same issues - I really, really believe so much of this is mechanical, Judy! Please try to consider that these are medical issues and not a matter of your lack of willpower! Won't you please at least go to your doctor or WLS and ask for a endoscopy to specifically determine the size of your pouch and stoma anatomy? Then, when you have those answers, you will be much more informed so that you can make good, solid decisions. No matter what, you are not alone. Thank you so much for answering my post - it means a lot! Love you, sweetheart - Maureen

O I'm just posting comments all over the place!
i still feel good. i feel better than i did almost 6 years ago. i can do more than i ever could. now that the LBS is under control I feel the best that I have in many years.
the reason i had the surgry was my knees which were shot. talk was replacement but now they are fine. arthritis doens't go away but not having all that extra weight has made a difference.

perscription wise i'm still taking my allergy meds and now have added thryoid meds. i never had to take that before but again thryoid is something that happens in my family. in fact my doc thinks that i might have been fine with meds years ago that it might have helped the weight thing. i dont buy into that one but i know it has helped other issues.
i'd like to drop 10 pounds. thats not alot of weight and i think for anyone it should be doable. but i have no metapolisum. i never did. the excersize should help the thryoid meds should help the keeping to a healthy diet should help but i have a very big thing against me. age. after you get to a certain point you don't lose as well as you should. so i have to work extra hard to hopefully get to were i want to be.
emotional difficulty with food for me isn't a big issue right now. mainly cuase i feel so much better eating the right way. food was always an addiction and always will be an addiction for me. i did love right after the surgery how food was no big deal. didn't thik about it at all and wasn't hungry ahhhh those were the days! if that could have been permanet i'd have loved that!
I did have the fear of regain don' twe all get that? thats why i turned to laxatives. not something i recommend!
i take my vitamins, D, B's, also fish oil, calcium. my blood checks out perfect. i just had another bone desity test which was perfect. also my mamogram! now if only that stupid pap thing woudl get right i'd be thrilled. oh well can't have it all huh?
a friend of mine passed away this week. he was only 65 and recenty retired. i was in the fire dept with him and use to babysit for his kids when they were young. he was over weigth maybe not excessivly so. i havne't gotten the details yet. i'll be going to his wake this weekend.
i think that i am happy for the life that i have right now. i'm trying to live it the best that i can. i try to do good things for others. i smile and tell people how much they mean to me. i try not to dwell on the bad and think of the good that i have.
i'm thankful for life.
i wish everyone here all of my friends the lurkers too good things to come their way. please enjoy your life look at the sky even if its rainey and think of how the water helps us. if it snows (and i hate snow!!!) see how each flake is different and beautiful the sun  will come out again.
 

Hi, My name is Crissie and I'm a foodaholic.

I need the support and inssight of people who understand my predicament and my past.  I used to be on this board everyday until2 patients beat me almost to death.  Tore my shoulder almowt off.  Since then I have been forced to retire on disability, had my hip replaced 5 (yes 5) times, been diagnosed with a rare congenital disorder called EDS affecting only 1/40,000, almost lost everything I owned waiting on disability, and my Mom was diagnosed with a rare form of breast cancer known as inflammatory breast cancer.  She is almost through with tx and is cancer free.  I was told yesterday at the Cleveland Clinic that I am at the outside edge of help for my condition.  Due to my crapstorm and my lack of proper coping mechanisms I have gained back 60 pounds of the 300 I had lost.  My Ortho doc says he wants me to drop 50 pounds rapidly and he is writing to my insurance to ask for a revision of my RNY.  In the meantime I am drinking protein and nothing else for the last three days.  I am trying to get back to goal weight.  Mom has only got two more weeks of radiation and I think I see the end of the tunnel.  It's probably the damned train.)

Weight day of surgery:370 (lost down from 500)
Lowest weight after surgery:183 (Doc upset I'm tall, goal was 195)
Current weight:255
Goal weight:195

Co-morbidities day of surgery:Asthma, arthritis
Co-morbidities remained or have reoccured despite surgery:Asthma, Arthritis(Didn't know I had EDS and that most of problems were related to this)

ove as always Crissie

Chrissie, I am so happy to see you again. I have often wondered what happened because I remember so well how active you were on the Board, how insightful and genuine in the way you posted both your own and in response to others. Words cannot adequately express how deeply sorry I am for what you have gone for - but there is a spirit in your post that is indefatiguable.  It sounds as if you have walked through the flames of hell and are just about to cross over into a more manageable world. All I can offer as words of encouragement is please come back to the Board, post often, tell us what you need and how we can help. You are absolutely not alone with your Food Demons. Tell you what - I commit to you today that I will have a sane, healthy relationship with food - no drama, just a commitment to eating only that which will fuel my body and soothe my mind. Will you do likewise? Just for today? Take care, Chrissie. I will wait to hear from you. (Do you remember me?) Maureen

Thank you so much for still being here.  I am in tears just reading you response.  I need friends right now.  Yes!  I remember you very well and was so happy to see your post.  I am definitely starting fresh.  I hope things are going well for you.  God never gives us more than we are supposed to be able to handle, he must think I'm pretty darned strong.  Apparently, I must be, 'cause I'm still kickin'.                                  Love as always, Crissie

Cry your tears just long enough to feel better, Chrissie - and then fill your beautiful mind with positive, supportive thoughts that will hold you up as you struggle to find your feet, your balance, your equilibrium... you are among friends! Don't give up, don't give in - just GIVE, and start with giving yourself what you need.  I'm so, so happy to see you back! Maureen

Yeah me!  I have been sooo good for four days now.  I decided to give that 5 day pouch test a try, only I have been doing almost all protein shakes and I did have a salad with tuna today.  No added carbs anywhere.  I gotta say that I had forgotten how filling those darned shakes are.  So far it seems to be doing the trick.  I am not craving carbs, those evil demons,(or Snicker bars either, Connie!), at all.  I won't weigh myself until next Thursday.  Please Dear God, let it be good news.  Mom called and has 14 more radiation treatments left and she will be home free.  That'll be such a relief in stress.  I'm feeling so much better just touching base with old friends.  Thanks guys,