WLS Limbo

We are at a strange point of time in this journey. No longer 'Newbies' with every week presenting new miracles and happy surprises - and my, how easy it was then to lose the weight. Effortless, right? We're also not so 'long term' or 'Oldtimer' that we can finally breathe a sigh of relief and believe that we have won the battle, we will keep the weight off for the long haul. At least, I surely don't feel comfortable in saying such a thing. I am somewhere inbetween - a limbo of sorts, where I look back and long for how easy it was to lose the weight and get healthy; and look forward with alarm and fear at how easy it is to gain. Then there is the added complication of medical issues associated with post-WLS. I think I need to reconnect to being a WLS patient and survivor. I need to stop living as a normal person - my current size and weight are in a normal range, more or less - but nothing about my physical existence feels normal to me - feels like a sham. I want it back. I want my fierce commitment to health and wellbeing back so that it becomes once again my highest priority. I want to stop letting my lunch hours go by day after day without getting out of my office and moving my butt. I want my psyche to feel well and balanced but the fact is, my weight gain and lack of commitment to turning this around is making me feel sad, every day. Like I am a failure. These days that are given to us are the pages of our own personal stories - our Book - and when each day ends...another page has turned and we will never get it back. Complacency is evil. Crippling. Mind-numbing. Complacency is existing - not living. Live fully, friends. Whatever it takes - live fully. Maureen

Are you getting counciling to help with your depression?
Your in my prayers.

As I read your post, another thought occurred to me.  You, of all people, have made the most drastic change in your appearence and your life as far as weight is concerned.  Have you ever had help with dealing with the psychological aspects of such a change? I think the psychological aspects of having this surgery are grossly underplayed and need to be addressed.  I think most of us would have benefitted from having a year of therapy post surgery.  There will be NO TIME in our lives where we should feel we 'won the battle'.  In my journey, no one ever told me that there will ever come a time when I don't have to worry or pay attention to my weight.  If you are feeling sad most hours of most days, you are in a depression, which of course, will make a person complacent.  Despite what you may believe, 'normal people' watch their weight too.  A small percentage of people say they never think about it, but I guarantee you once they hit a certain age, the pounds will start to slowly be added.  You are the person who has control of your priorities....and severe depression can cloud your vision.  I know how you feel about therapy and medication at this point, but sometimes there are no other options.  I hope you get the help you need and find a way to take special care of yourself.

Joanie

Pam and Joanie, you guys are so caring and compassionate, thanks for this! But I really wasn't feeling depressed when I posted this! (Did everyone read this as my being depressed? Just curious...) Just thinking aloud about where I'm at with my WLS journey. Yes, I do get down when I don't take good care of myself, and I sure am more complacent about this than I was two years ago - but I'm a fighter and won't give up! As an update (and thanks to Connie for this), I went in yesterday for my blood profile work-up - will let you guys know what the results are and I really encouarge everyone to do this. I also have my 5 year appointment with my surgeon scheduled for mid-September and will talk through my issues with him at that time; I've gathered some CT-based folks who are at various stages of their post-surgery lives, and we will be meeting prior to the regularly schedule support group meeting to have a mini-session of our own - Pam and Mike, it would be so great if you could join us! Let me know - have a great day, guys. Maureen

You said you felt sad every day and felt like a failure.  It didn't sound good to me....

I see what you mean, Joanie. What I meant to say - or should have said - was that when I "slip up" by eating crap food that is not nutritious or healthy, I beat myself up - unfortunately, I "slip up" every day with that darned candy... my fight, my demons. I just don't feel good about myself when I'm not taking good care of myself - that's what I meant to say. On the flip side, I feel GREAT when I get that sugar-crap out of my system, I enjoy moving my body doing exercise that makes me feel powerful and strong - these behaviors make me feel GOOD about myself. And I struggle every day to have those kinds of days rather than the other... does this make sense? Anyone else feel this way, guys? Joanie, it's always wonderful to hear from you. Let us know how you're doing, ok? Has anyone heard from Kim? I'm worried about her husband... Maureen