Some up lifting news...

Im feeling alittle better today...Ive told myself one day at a time and I make myself a list the night before of what I need to accomplish for the next day...its helping..everything else I put off to the next day...just the way it has to be for me to survive all this stuff...anyway.....Im posting good news today!

My baby Rachael is DEFINATLY GRADUATING!!!!! Wednesday June 10th @ 7pm!!!!!!! 14 long years and she made it!!!! it has been a major struggle since 2nd grade but I am SOOOOOOO proud of her. I went to the school yesterday and explained what has happened, and how she more then likely wont be back to school but they said she is doing well enough that she is definatly graduating even if she takes or doesnt take her finals...she will be walking across that stage!!! So this is great, least there is going to be one good thing, maybe we all can smile and forget all the problems and just have one nice day to celebrate Rachaels BIG accomplishment. I am SOOOO PROUD OF HER!!!!!!! she didnt give up. I keep saying to myself God works in mysterious ways...being Im not over religious...seems like when Im at my lowest there is always alittle something to pick me back up and keep me going...and thats my kids

What great news!
you know i'm not overly religious. meaning that i don't go to church. But i do believe in a power much bigger than me and i know when i listen to what it is telling me to do then i do good. if i do not listen then forget it i'm done!
so i do believe.
and i'm happy that even though theres bad things that happen you can look and still find something great.
congratulatoins to you and to your daughter.
how is thehubby feeling?

Hi Pammi...Bill's doing ok...I took him out with me this eve to get medicine, his first time out of the house and it wore him out, I ended up making him get in a wheel chair and strolled him around. Mentally...he amazes me, his attitude is great...Im not sure if its show to keep me going or what, but he seems to be doing wonderful in that aspect. How I dont know when everything is falling apart around him...he's a good man. He had his second dopper test this past Tuesday and it showed a very slight improvement not much but some, so thats good....I just dont know...we have another cat scan set for June 22 get the results on the 23rd so...thats a big one...Im scared to death but anxious just the same. I tell you I am so ready for 2010...that has got to be a better year, I dont think I can stand much more pain...but we will all get through everything...I keep telling myself that...one day at a time. I already have my list for tomorrow set...probate lawyer...and what I dont want to do, the release of my childrens fathers body...its going to be a very hard day, Ill be ok. oh well life goes on, I guess its got too. Im reading what I just typed in that last sentence it looks harsh but I dont mean it that way guess if you can see me its a sigh..oh never mind...its hard to get my feelings across the computer and Im rambling here and Im so tired but cant sleep...things have got to look up soon. But Pammi thank you for asking and putting up with my problems...I really dont have any other way to release my thoughts...Im so afraid of upsetting the kids or Bill  and making them worse, this is all I know I can do is type to my friends on this or go hide and cry, Im really trying here but its so hard. shoot damn it I swore I wouldnt get on a roll and get upset  darn if I didnt do it again I just wish this all would go away. Ok Im alright...bare with me you all its going to be rough for awhile but Ill make it and so will the kids and Bill Im determined to see that. Im ending this now while Im on a positive mindset again for five minutes.

Kimberly, this is absolutely fabulous.  It is so hard for any kid to graduate HS these days (and I think I saw a statistic somewhere that almost 50% of kids don't finish), but for someone with the challenges that Rachael has, well that's just outstanding.  You know, of course, that you are the biggest reason Rachael is the fighter and determined young woman that she turned out to be.  She has an awesome role model in you.  Be proud of Rachael and be equally proud of you.

I know tomorrow will be a horrific day, but you just have to put one foot in front of the other.  The bad news is that you have to go through this trauma with the kids' father, but the good news is that when tomorrow is done, you never have to repeat that day again. 

This is what girlfriends are for!!!!
we listen!
we hug!
we support!
aren't we all awesome???!!!???
i tell you i dont' know what i'd do without my girlfriends. and the ones on obesity help are just as important to me.

The worst is over and I am ok ...everything is taken care of for the moment and tomorrow Im not doing a thing but taking care of Bill and the kids...thats it. Going to mow the lawn, clean up the house some ( boy does it need it)...and just do nothing. Ill start agan Monday. Ive decided to wait and hold a service at a later date...I dont want Rachael to always remember her graduaton and the service of her dad at the same time so Im putting it off till a later date, I think thats best for now. I cant do that to her..not now. And Im comfortable with that decision...I hope its the right one. But I want you all to know I am ok and I think maybe the worst is over. I have a lawyer who I feel good about and she is handling the property and such so I feel as if a ton has been lifted off my shoulders for the moment. So now Im just concentrating on keeping everyone here well.