Lessons From My 5 Year Old Mother
I'm sitting here with hair dye on my head and thought, what beter way to spend 20 minutes than writing to my favorite online folks.
So my mother has her broken arm and is sleeping in her recliner because it's too painful to lay in bed. The recliner breaks so on Mother's Day, off we go to the Lazy Boy store. She's always wanted a bonified Lazy Boy. She picks out the chair she wants, we schedule delivery and off we go to the grocery store. My mother loves me. She tells me how grateful she is that I'm her daughter. I tell her the same. She hands me her grocery list...
Cat Food
Entemen's Chocolate Donought Holes
Cat Litter
Cat Treats
Sweets
Chocolate Granola Bars
Toilet Paper
I look at the list. I look at my morbidly obese, diabetic mother. I look at the list again. I remember that it's Mother's Day. I decide not to make a fuss about of all the sugar on the list, but just to ask about adding protein.
"Mom, you're diabetic, don't you think we should add at least a little bit of protein to the list?"
What do you mean?"
"You know, cheese, eggs, meat, tuna."
She pouts. MY MOTHER POUTS!!! and then she says, "I don't want to." OK, fine.
We walk through the produce section and I pause in front of some tomatoes. She loves tomatoes. I look at Mom, catch her eye and look back at the tomatoes. I don't say a word. She snaps back, "I don't want any." Then she says, "OK, OK! I'll get some fruit." and she picks up a banana. She shuffles along, looking down and as we pass the packaged meat she says, fine, I'll get some meat. Pick out some bacon." BACON!?!? I don't say a word, I just pick up the leanest package of pork bacon I can find and put it in the cart. She says, "Good, I thought you were going to get that turkey crap."
The ceral aisle was a nightmare. I just decided to let it go. She picked out some fruity, sugary kids cereal and granola bars that were covered in chocolate.
Now the pet food aisle was another story, only the best and most nutricious food for the cats. I can't help myself. "Mom, why do you buy the healthiest food you can get for the cats, but you don't do the same for yourself?"
And here it is. In a nutshell, from my 73 year old mother who has the decision making abilities of a 5 year old lately. "I love my cats."
Is that it? Is it that simple? I don't think that's the whole answer, but I do think that's a big, big part of it. I have to remember to love myself enough to do what's best for me. I can only pray that my mother will do the same.
On the way home, she declares that she's going to have her food delivered from now on.
So my mother has her broken arm and is sleeping in her recliner because it's too painful to lay in bed. The recliner breaks so on Mother's Day, off we go to the Lazy Boy store. She's always wanted a bonified Lazy Boy. She picks out the chair she wants, we schedule delivery and off we go to the grocery store. My mother loves me. She tells me how grateful she is that I'm her daughter. I tell her the same. She hands me her grocery list...
Cat Food
Entemen's Chocolate Donought Holes
Cat Litter
Cat Treats
Sweets
Chocolate Granola Bars
Toilet Paper
I look at the list. I look at my morbidly obese, diabetic mother. I look at the list again. I remember that it's Mother's Day. I decide not to make a fuss about of all the sugar on the list, but just to ask about adding protein.
"Mom, you're diabetic, don't you think we should add at least a little bit of protein to the list?"
What do you mean?"
"You know, cheese, eggs, meat, tuna."
She pouts. MY MOTHER POUTS!!! and then she says, "I don't want to." OK, fine.
We walk through the produce section and I pause in front of some tomatoes. She loves tomatoes. I look at Mom, catch her eye and look back at the tomatoes. I don't say a word. She snaps back, "I don't want any." Then she says, "OK, OK! I'll get some fruit." and she picks up a banana. She shuffles along, looking down and as we pass the packaged meat she says, fine, I'll get some meat. Pick out some bacon." BACON!?!? I don't say a word, I just pick up the leanest package of pork bacon I can find and put it in the cart. She says, "Good, I thought you were going to get that turkey crap."
The ceral aisle was a nightmare. I just decided to let it go. She picked out some fruity, sugary kids cereal and granola bars that were covered in chocolate.
Now the pet food aisle was another story, only the best and most nutricious food for the cats. I can't help myself. "Mom, why do you buy the healthiest food you can get for the cats, but you don't do the same for yourself?"
And here it is. In a nutshell, from my 73 year old mother who has the decision making abilities of a 5 year old lately. "I love my cats."
Is that it? Is it that simple? I don't think that's the whole answer, but I do think that's a big, big part of it. I have to remember to love myself enough to do what's best for me. I can only pray that my mother will do the same.
On the way home, she declares that she's going to have her food delivered from now on.
WOW & Trying to force her into anything she doesn't want would only cause a fight or
scene you do not want to have in the store. So just do what you will & keep hope &
praying that she will get it eventually.
Maybe you can start getting her to LOVE herself again & that will change her attitude as well.
scene you do not want to have in the store. So just do what you will & keep hope &
praying that she will get it eventually.
Maybe you can start getting her to LOVE herself again & that will change her attitude as well.
Marilyn C (Bearlady)
I can see how that could apply to all of us! I do find in older people (and thus, increasingly, in myself) an attitude of "I'm not going to live forever, so I may as well enjoy today." What is forgotten in that is the reduction in quality of life we may be bringing on ourselves. It is so obviously simple when someone else states it the way your mom did!
I am learning that I can't control anyone else's decisions. Heck, I can't even control mine most of the time. Loving means accepting people the way they are, not how we would have them to be. We can bring up options, but we have to hand over the choices to them, as long as they are competent to choose for themselves, even if they choose foolishly. It is SO hard to do that!
Joy
It must be a mother weekend...
my sister - the saint - is able to buy my 89 year old mother a new set of false teeth.
She took mom friday to the dentist who told asked my mother why at her age she would want a new set when the ones that she has now are just fine. He said with a small amount of work done on them they would look great.
Mom told him that the ones she had now were 20 years old and not in good shape and didn't look good. that she wanted to have nice teeth when she went up to heaven and it didn't matter if she was taking this new set or another new set in another 20 years.
mom is very opinionated. she does not mind letting you know that she is right and that you are wrong.
Often she does not have the correct information to what she is arguing about. but thats ok cause if she finally figures out that she was wrong she'll be sure to let you know that she is right now. and then forgets that she had argued on the other side the day before.
gotta love em right?
she 's also that one that went to my elementary school and faught with the school princepal years ago when that was never done. something i can't even remember what it was all about other than that i came home crying because somebody in charge called me fat. she also kept going back there when after her first visit got the people in charge tic'd off at me for being a cry baby and then they came down on me big time. 7 years old and afraid to go to elementary school? not because of kids but because of teachers? man that wouldnt' happen in todays school world!
i'm blabbering and can not for the life of me remember what the point of this story is!!!!
maybe its caues we want to make them see that if they made some ajustments they could live longer and healthier?
we love them we wnat them around a long time we want them to continue to be the strong one.
I have a hard time seeing my mother and sister aging. i get angry not at them just at that they are different. now this is totally wrong on my part. how can i be angry at soejthing all of us go through?
it might be that i dont' want to even think about what happens at the end of the story. i dont' want to story to end!
oh boy sorry to go there today!
i'm tired tonight.
last night the man and I went to a comdey show that was very funny. we had gotten there early and were walking past who we did not realize were the 3 comdians for the night. We had stopped and were pointing at some different things in the parking lot and just talking away like we always do.
woudl't you know it the woman says to us why are youj tryinjg to get that women to go into the bushes with you? we just laughed.
then when the show started out walks that same woman! i turned to him and said well you just got us pointed out at this show. Sure enough 1/2 way into it she walks over to us and starts tellimg this whole story she made up! i was the reddest I've ever been. but she was funnuy we had a good time
there that ends this silly message on a better note.
sorry for blabhering on and on going to bed now.
my sister - the saint - is able to buy my 89 year old mother a new set of false teeth.
She took mom friday to the dentist who told asked my mother why at her age she would want a new set when the ones that she has now are just fine. He said with a small amount of work done on them they would look great.
Mom told him that the ones she had now were 20 years old and not in good shape and didn't look good. that she wanted to have nice teeth when she went up to heaven and it didn't matter if she was taking this new set or another new set in another 20 years.
mom is very opinionated. she does not mind letting you know that she is right and that you are wrong.
Often she does not have the correct information to what she is arguing about. but thats ok cause if she finally figures out that she was wrong she'll be sure to let you know that she is right now. and then forgets that she had argued on the other side the day before.
gotta love em right?
she 's also that one that went to my elementary school and faught with the school princepal years ago when that was never done. something i can't even remember what it was all about other than that i came home crying because somebody in charge called me fat. she also kept going back there when after her first visit got the people in charge tic'd off at me for being a cry baby and then they came down on me big time. 7 years old and afraid to go to elementary school? not because of kids but because of teachers? man that wouldnt' happen in todays school world!
i'm blabbering and can not for the life of me remember what the point of this story is!!!!
maybe its caues we want to make them see that if they made some ajustments they could live longer and healthier?
we love them we wnat them around a long time we want them to continue to be the strong one.
I have a hard time seeing my mother and sister aging. i get angry not at them just at that they are different. now this is totally wrong on my part. how can i be angry at soejthing all of us go through?
it might be that i dont' want to even think about what happens at the end of the story. i dont' want to story to end!
oh boy sorry to go there today!
i'm tired tonight.
last night the man and I went to a comdey show that was very funny. we had gotten there early and were walking past who we did not realize were the 3 comdians for the night. We had stopped and were pointing at some different things in the parking lot and just talking away like we always do.
woudl't you know it the woman says to us why are youj tryinjg to get that women to go into the bushes with you? we just laughed.
then when the show started out walks that same woman! i turned to him and said well you just got us pointed out at this show. Sure enough 1/2 way into it she walks over to us and starts tellimg this whole story she made up! i was the reddest I've ever been. but she was funnuy we had a good time
there that ends this silly message on a better note.
sorry for blabhering on and on going to bed now.
I think you're right in saying to simply love yourself is not the entire answer - but it has to start there, don't you think? It's something I've wrestled with my whole life long. Self-love and self-care is the foundation of everything else healthy: healthy mind, body, spirit, relationship to others... but it's really, really hard for me to get there. I wi**** were this easy. Hope all is well in your world, Connie. Maureen
This sounds very familiar...my swollen, bloated, fluid clogged mother and her pretzels and cheez-its. My 'why can't I lose weight, I don't eat' mother. I believe a lot of senior citizens are not eating balanced diets, even though they have the means to do it. My mother is 85 years old. I try to picture myself at that age....should it happen. If I get to be that age, I will probably eat what I want too. She refused to go for her mammogram this year. Her reason? She's 85. She figures she has to die of something. It does make me wonder. I don't know if I would want to be bothered with doctors, tests, hospitals and medicine when I am 85. I think their mindset is much different than ours in every way. I just don't know.
My mom is 72 and sounds like your mom when it comes to food. Shes stubborn and strong willed and a morbidly obese diabetic as well. She goes to wall mart and picks up the nasties stuff! cakie sugary pastry like stuff that is soooo sugary gooey sweet I wouldn't eat it if I DID loose my mind and binge. then there are the tasty cakes and donughts and stuff. ITs always "for my dad" or "For matt" yet when they eat it she screams that they aren't theirs and save her some!!! 'sigh' what are you going to do. I've talked her ear off about it and lectured and everything. One of my downfalls was going to pick up the kids at my parents house and seeing a bag of open doritoes or pringles (love pringles) or some yummy tandy tasty cakes and grabbing one or two. grrr.... I totally broke that habit thank goodness! I tell her... why dont you try the sugar free tasty cakes or a low fat or something. She did break down and buy those 100 calorie packs. but they sit on the counter and collect dust until the bad stuff arrives again. My dad doesnt help (He's tall and thin) as he goes shopping and brings in a ton of junk for him and my son but of course if its there you'll eat it so she does. She's also OBSESSED with food as in watching shows 24/7 about food. Paula dean and every chef under the sun. The food network channel is always on!!! then if we go to borders (which i dont do as much anymore) she only gets food magazines for recepies and just more food magazines. EVERY TIME. I'm like mom... why dont you grab something else beside a food magazine. She gets very pissy and angry so I just let it go. Then the next question is "Where do you want to go to eat?" i'm like mom...we're at borders lets just have something small here. its always food food food all of the time. I wonder why I'm big. I think wow... i actually can see the obsessive disorder in myself and it scared me enough to try to really watch and recognize how much I think of food. Its scary!!!!
do you know when i was a small child until the 2nd grade i was so skinny that they use to take me to the doctors to find out what was wrong with me.
WRONG WITH ME???!!!???
The should have left me alone and let me become the thin woman that I was suppose to be but NOOOoooooOOoooo they had to make me "healthy" HA!
My mother was heavy but not really really big like i had gotten not until she was older like in her late 40's after she had her female trouble and the surgery. her words. My sister was heavy she was healthier than me right from the start!
A good member of the clean plate club.
Oh well can't go backwards to there right?
but i just know so many of us started out with parents who were heavy. How did they start? I remember seeing pictures of my grandmother in the clothes of the time. she looks alittle over weight but not excessive. She had big boobs. I didn't inherit that. Damn I would have liked to have that.
My father was fit and trim for his age maybe slightly over weight. his addiction of choice was alcohol. Don' tget me started!
is it inherited or is it learned at an early age so that it is ingrained in our minds and we can't get rid of it?
who knows.
WRONG WITH ME???!!!???
The should have left me alone and let me become the thin woman that I was suppose to be but NOOOoooooOOoooo they had to make me "healthy" HA!
My mother was heavy but not really really big like i had gotten not until she was older like in her late 40's after she had her female trouble and the surgery. her words. My sister was heavy she was healthier than me right from the start!
A good member of the clean plate club.
Oh well can't go backwards to there right?
but i just know so many of us started out with parents who were heavy. How did they start? I remember seeing pictures of my grandmother in the clothes of the time. she looks alittle over weight but not excessive. She had big boobs. I didn't inherit that. Damn I would have liked to have that.
My father was fit and trim for his age maybe slightly over weight. his addiction of choice was alcohol. Don' tget me started!
is it inherited or is it learned at an early age so that it is ingrained in our minds and we can't get rid of it?
who knows.
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