Not a poster child

I am going to try this again.   I started out yesterday morning to do this post and got distracted and never got back to it!   Word of warning to readers ... this will probably be rambling and dis-jointed ....

I've never been a poster child for WLS, though I was a semi-star there for a while in my first year.  Unfortunately, my will to be non-compliant has casued me to allow about 20 pounds to creep back over the last 2 to 2 1/2 years.

I had the complication of a surgical ulcer that resulted in esophageal stricture and fistula about 5 to 6 months post op .. as a result I was scoped and dilated 3 times between the end of September and early December 2004.  I think as a result, I still have a very narrow opening to my pouch from my espphagus.   THAT is the good news because I definitely still have restriction and can't eat any quantity.   The bad news is that I have become a lazy eater .. I tend to eat things that are not good for me (i.e. too many 'dry' carbs, like crackers, etc) because they are easy to get down.   I still get sick on dense protein and this is going on 5 years out.

I got on the scale this a.m. and the resulting number was not a good one!   I am creeping ever so close to 200 again and I don't want to go there.   I am not good at 'commitment' so I won't commit that I am going to turn this around and be accountable to you all for what I eat and what I do, but I will commit to trying to be a more active part of this board.

Saturday I had the occasion of being with several WLS friends, both RNY-ers and Band-sters.   Of the group I am the longest post op, but I was stunned at the quantities of found some of them were able to eat.   I need to focus on me and get my act in gear and be a positive example rather than a potential 'failure' at WLS.

I am still able to shop at my favorite .. Old Navy but rather than buying 12's & 14's, I just head to the 16's now.   That is NOT where I want to be at all, but I don't seem to be able to reverse this trend.  

Anyway, I need to get to to work.   As I said, I will try to be a more commited member of our group of Marchers!

Hugs, Mo

Hugs back atcha, Mo, and so glad to have you back. It's been a long time since we all started out together. Times have changed and so too have our habits of eating, physical activity, just plain embracing this journey to whatever level we do anymore. I stay relatively active in the WLS "industry" and no matter where I go or what I do, the people I talk to who are where we are - post-op at least 3 years out ... are gaining. It is the very, very rare post-op that is successfully keeping all of the weight off that they initially lost. The truest measure of our success must be the level of health we are experiencing, not the numbers on the scale. If we are becoming more the "couch potatoes" that we used to be before surgery - that's not healthy, physically or emotionally; that's not 'joyful' living. If we are not making conscous healthy eating choices every day, then weight gain will be inevitable - there simply is no getting away from that. What is success this far out? What will be success five years from now? Health. Obesity is not health. And the only way to avoid becoming obese again is to eat moderate portions of healthy foods throughout the day - whole grains, fruits, vegetables, proteins ... with an occasional something-or-other that satisfies ... combined with regular, daily physical activity; doesn't have to be monotonous boring exercise - and in fact, should be activities that you enjoy doing but that propel your body through space in a physically exerting way. This is the absolute only way to be healthy, physically and mentally - and to avoid becoming obese again. Easy??? Hell no. But if you can commit to anything, it must be this. And we have this Board to keep coming to, every day, for however long it takes to get it right. I'm so glad you posted this - hard, hard, hard stuff. Don't go away, ok? Love ya - Maureen

'sigh' I am SO far from a poster child for wls. I haven't been below 200 YET! How much does that suck???!! Yeah i lost 100 but thats it. I can eat ALOT in one sitting which sucks. I mean alot. I try not to of course. And yeah... can eat sugar with no problem. Try not to do that either. BUT i screwed up this halloween. I ALWAYS gain around this time of year. I try hard but to no avail. Just weak. pfthb. I'm beating myself up over it now because I gained and i'm sick over it big time. I'm trying to be careful now. All the Halloween candy is gone!!! YAAAYYY!!! thankfully. unfortunately alot was consumed by me. eegads. I swear I'm just sick over it all. my feet hurt my clothes are tighter and im just so mad at myself!!!! Definitely not a poster child for wls. BUT the point is to never give up. It will always be a struggle for us. We just have to stick together and offer each other support. Hang in there Mo! So glad to see you posting again :) 

Thanks so much!   Together we CAN do this!   Think about how much healthier and better off than we were 5 years ago this time.

Hugs, Mo

mo-by now you probly know that i have read this post many times- and i just am having issues with how to be a cheerleader for ya cuz i am also not doing well...this past weekend was the first time i really wished to God i had never had the surgery..

it's interesting that you mention your "will to be non compliant'--i think you are my sister from another  mother!!! my psyche exam was a joke-and i know HOW to be compliant--i just balk at it-and test the waters --and i am one who can eat a great deal-quantity- at one sitting--my doc actually told me after my surgery that he left my pouch a bit bigger cuz i was a lightweight-gee thanks !!!!!!!!!!! set me up for failure....

i am thinking that while you are not happy where you are- you are accepting the 16's so as not to beat yourself up and possibly go higher....???????? am i on to something ????

struggling right along with you...............
hugs!!!

((( Margo )))

I too know HOW to be compliant .. and I have the extra added bonus of the restriction of my esophageal stricture, yet I continually eat around it!   I knew the 'right'answers for the pscych exam and sold myself as one who understood what the whole thing meant and that I was ready for it.

For me WLS was the difference between life and becoming a miserable hermit.   I am not happy with the weight gain, but I am still involved in life and doing things that I wasn't doing before and I am determined to catch this thing and at least stop it even if I can't lose the weight I've gained.

Hang in there with me please and we will all support each other.

Hugs, Mo