cross post-my day

hi marchers- this post was originally put on the tuesday what's new  on the over fifty forum (OFF)  -each day someone starts a thread- we get pretty familiar over there so a lot of it may not make sense to you but if you read it thru you will get my drift..... i want you to see how my day went today-it started out with promise-

tonite i am close to tears and i am going to bed simply to stay out of the kitchen..i am pretty numb....
things are civil around my house tonite but the air is thick enuff to cut with a knife.......
 

Margo M. Lindsey, OH Victor Stelmack, M.D.,F.A.C.S RNY (03/26/04) Member Since: 09/25/03 [Latest Posts]

Post Date: 11/11/08 6:26 am morning! aime thanks for starting us..oh my ..i had no idea you thought you had contributed to norronda's passing..aime you should not have been carrtying that burden alone.... it's cold and i am thinking of going back to bed for awhile...both dogs have been out and they are all snuggled up with michael...hmmmm..... judy- you can keep the lake effect snow--it is always worse where you are than i will see here-naaa naaa !!! well michael is up and so are the dogs-so much for that thought! maybe i should go cook something warm for breakfast.... yesterday, i asked the tech ppl on OH to give us an American flag -all of the emoticons are great but we need some patriotism!!! well- rambling so-later! hugs and prayers to all.... Not everything you face can be changed, but everything you change must first be faced. Age is like underwear, it creeps up on you

Margo M. Lindsey, OH Victor Stelmack, M.D.,F.A.C.S RNY (03/26/04) Member Since: 09/25/03 [Latest Posts]

Post Date: 11/11/08 11:28 am me again and answering my own post so aime isn't bothered by it... fixed a nice breakfast then got dressed- we had to go pick up some stupid stuffed animals michael got from freecycle- the grandkids  don't need these huge things- anyhow- major major screaming match in the car on the way home- he got out and started towalk- no coat-jeans and sandals- how stupid-  i got him in thecar and drove home- screaming at each other all of the way...i went to bed to stay out of the way -took the dogs with me- he went up on the roof of the  to blow off leaves- and now he is blowing them out of the yard.. i cannot go through anymore of this ....i just am too tired............is this a seasonal thing? is it a meds thing? is it just from feeling poor? just had to tell someone no one else to tell my kids don't hear me and my mother would just tell me how it was with her husband before he died.. i feel like this could be the end of the marriage i am tired of trying to be strong i want to be alone if this is how it is going to be......

Im sorry it feels as if your world is turning upside down and you and your husband are having problems....is there any love in either of your hearts left? You both married each other for some good reason, you might be able to get something back. Have you considered bringing in a third party for an unbiased approach to talk too...someone who can listen to you both without being judgemental. Maybe the church, maybe mediation, counseling...anyone? If there is a touch of a chance for you two,  it might be worth it to look into to try and save your marriage.  I will admit by reading this you do sound very depressed which I would be aswell...are you taking anything for that or talking to a doctor about that? It does help, Ive been there.... I know your hurt and I do feel for you. I hope I didnt offend you by this message, just trying to give you some other options before ending it if there is even the slightest bit of love left. Be well...be strong, and I'll be thinking of you, both....

kim...thx for your concern...when you get to the third marriage for each of us things are a bit different--there is so much extra baggage--
yes i have depression no i have no meds and i have no ins or money for a dr....

yes he is on meds and maybe they need to be stronger-he also is taking self off vicodin and i truly believe there is a connection- have seen it befor ei n him..

the yelling and screaming tahtw asgoing on yesterday and the lack of talking this morning are very disconcerting--we manage dto have some conversation over lunch today and took a bike ride together- about 3 miles round trip-stoppe dto look at trees and berries and such..so it'snot totally lost--i just cannot do much more ...there is a 14 yr age diff too-he is 69 i am almost 55--and well...
ok- so--i do apprecaite your caring and i am trying hard not to just leave- too much investe din him in time and love...but it's a two way street!
winter is hard-darker days and teh economy is really killing us--i am behind on everything-overdrawn at the bank big time and now the car ins and house pays that come out automatically have bounced sooooo---car ins wil get paid but house pay may be behind now for first time-and that really bothers me-but i need to pay electric etc....i need a better job and his workers comp is about to end --someday--dunno when--

sorry to unload...guess i am rambling for nayone *****ads--and i guess i am feeling sorry for self--tired of being poor--

oh- an dthru all of this i am losing weigt-not pounds but my rings are loose.....

anyhow- thank you!

Margo, you sound overwhelmed and since you can't easily solve your financial problems, you and Michael are both lashing out at what you feel can withstand these very tough times - your marriage. Oh, how I know the feelings you are describing. There is no easy answer and nothing I can say to you in this post will help you except to say i do understand. You and Michael need to be friends and need to be working together to get through these very real, very difficult times. Decisions need to be made and then followed through on to make things better for both of you - better jobs need to be found for one or both of you that perhaps may offer health insurance options; or enlist help like food stamps, Medicare, government assistance, whatever is available to you in your region.  Taking stock of what you're spending on what and prioritizing is a must for all families and couples right now, no matter their cir****tances - Jim and I were fighting last night over our retirement funds - what little I have "saved" in my TIAA/CREF account, I want to yank it and stash in my wall or mattress before it evaporates, which it surely will over the next year. Jim says, no - ride it out - I think that is the stupidest thing to do right now - plain stupid! Ride what out??? The government is continuing to line the pockets of the wealthiest CEOs in the country, only now it's on our dime, our tax dollars - and the backs of our children ... no relief for any of us, but boy, those executives are still getting their fat paychecks! It's going to get worse and worse until it really all crashes, just like the early 1930s, there's no doubt in my mind - you have to pull yourself up, Margo, and do what you can for yourself, with whatever resources you have available to you - in partnership with your husband ... for better or for worse ... and if there truly is absolutely no meaning left for you or Michael in those words, then you have to look at that and figure out what to do next. Look to yourself - look to your own inner strength to get up and get going - there are decisions that you need to be making; no one can make them for you, my dear friend. Be well - ah, I hate the winter as well ... it's cold and dark and at times seems intermitable - but oh, the days when the sun shines! And those nights, when we can hunker down and snuggle close to keep warm ... think of those moments, all the blessings we have, every day - Michael is just a man, just a person - who could use you, his wife, his partner - just a woman, just a person ... to reach out and take his hand, and start figuring things out together. Love you, M.

'sigh' Love ya Margo! (((hugs)))

I think unelss you are endlessley in love with your absolute perfect partner (there are very few of those couples out there) we'll always have the arguments and all the rest. Hang in there. we all go through it unfortunately. many of us are in the same boat i think. relationships are hard work! It sure does feel like we live on different planets than our spouse sometimes doesnt it?
These are such tough times. I nearly lost my job just last week. My stress level skyrocketed and i gained weight on top of it. Stupid Halloween. stupid me for eating the candy! yeesh.  My husband is afraid of not getting work now because people are trying to save up and dont want any home improvements etc done. and with the economy the way it is... its super scary right now.  stress stress and more stress. we all have to just take a serious breather. I like to take loooong bubble baths with candles and a glass of champagne or beer whichever... and listen to some soothing music. I mean...its heaven. and really helps. I also read and write... that also gets me "away" when im over stressing and can fit it in. Try to find some "me" time. hang in there Margo! we love ya!!!

Me too, 'lizbet - I'm into the candy, I just can't stop ... I just want to crawl in a hole and bury myself it makes me feel so bad. I'm gaining - I am living like a fat person, living, thinking, eating, breathing, feeling - mostly, mostly feeling - like a fat, fat person............................. and the Board is quiet - I wish we could be more supportive for one another; we all seem to be in such pain right now....................... M.

Hey, where are you? Please post. What's going on? I'm in ho****er (see "Mo's Post" thread) - could use a friend!